Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML
Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
tylersign 11
Was his reaction something like: "Ooh, even better."? If so... Leave that place.
Redoxx_fml 22
At least you didn't say "no I let it grow wild"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (97)
jnaust 8
At least you didn't say "No, my dad mows my lawn. Right before he plows my back paddock". Fair chance this same perv has some sort of hang up of his own. There was a kid at my high school who went around teasing other kids about be circumcised. Turns out he had lost a ******** and was being teased himself and he was trying to fit in with the bullies, who were calling him Biro (uniball)
CursedSilent 1
I feel your pain, when I was in high school, my dad thought it would be funny to try to get me to ask my boyfriend for a pearl necklace.
Awsumuzzie 12
I'm not getting the reference? Is there one? I'm confused.
TomHarrow 5
Yes. Yes there is.
mama2b3 20
That seems kind of creepy coming from your dad...
jbuckets_404 39
#91: A "pearl necklace" per sexual reference means that the guy ejaculates on her chest in the pattern of a necklace.
Madcatstolper 1
what a great question. I thought there was a little perv in all of us.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Could have been worse. I live in France, and here the word for a female cat is "chatte", which also means pussy as in the vulgar term for a ******. I didn't know this when I first arrived here, and one day this boy in my class asked me if I have a 'chatte'. I told him I used to have three, but one ran away and another died. I still haven't lived that one down. So your pain is shared, OP.
charal3_fml 5
Ahah i am french and to be honest with you i dont understand why we call it a chatte. There are no links between animals and pussy.. Stupid french language :(
Psycho_Babydoll 26
It's the masculine and feminine differences... I thought it was pretty much the same as 'chat'. Looks like the joke was on me.
paradiseisland01 0
Ong that was too funny!
OfficeNinja 5
Poor computer geek. I bet his **** collection is legendary.
kayleanne 1
Haha that's awesome!
TastySexToys 6
well if he's a pervert wouldn't you think of that as a sexual refference?
jackeechan 10
I bet u wish u had a dirty mind now. Hhehe...
boobalicious99 6
lol was his name Michael or A.J by any chance? there's these 2 guys in my class that would ask that so I'm jus wonderin haha