Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML
Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML
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Top comments
tylersign 11
Was his reaction something like: "Ooh, even better."? If so... Leave that place.
Redoxx_fml 22
At least you didn't say "no I let it grow wild"
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Comments (97)
Bekll 31
Is your muffin buttered? :P
cmars3 7
Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?
LateandGreat 11
Aww, you'll probably wince every time you remember that one from now on :(
DaZaun 0
I would punch him
Meraklez1013 9
Omg I was tricked like that one time too so don't feel bad buddy ?
eminemop 0
*calling all grammar nazis*
quite_bored 9
Are you asking me or telling me?
ieatcats 0
Once* the grammer nazi has arrived.
tr0llz0r 0
You make your dad do all of the mowing? How lazy of you.
jenna_love91 5
That's actually kinda funny!
MommaMuff 6
YDI for being ignorant.
calivianya 29
What kind of an idiot uses a phrase like mowing the lawn anyway? If you've got a question, just ask it. I wouldn't sweat giving him a strange answer - if he's too much of a pussy to just ask if you shave rather than using some stupid metaphor, he doesn't deserve an answer anyway.
boydeee01 7
It's supposed to be a joke, where you make someone say something they don't mean.
silentbutfunny 0
"some pervert" i think you would fall in this category
docscientist 10
42, you act like metaphors were behind some traumatic experience of yours.
BadKitty13 28
HEE HEE HEE !!!
drawmyhearton_fml 3
Well that's awkward xDDD I wonder how he reacted