Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML
Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML
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Top comments
tylersign 11
Was his reaction something like: "Ooh, even better."? If so... Leave that place.
Redoxx_fml 22
At least you didn't say "no I let it grow wild"
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Comments (97)
tylersign 11
Was his reaction something like: "Ooh, even better."? If so... Leave that place.
kjcookie10 9
Well maybe now OP the perv will leave you alone. On the other hand though the whole school probably knows now.
shift_love 13
He got you like a snake in the grass
AustinMahone_fml 3
I wish FML's OP tell is what happened afterwards haha ????
ChaosAngel17 14
30-Okay that was terrible English... And that's coming from a French speaker.
BrickWalls 2
30 Please crawl in a hole and die. Thanks, Your best friend. -BrickWalls
Damn_Hippster 11
30- English isn't your first language, is it?
rattusrattus 19
@73 Possibly not their 15th language, either...
stephanieeDawnx 0
^ he's from Texas.........
soccerluv05 0
That's sort've creepy that you know where he lives.....just saying
Morgannnnuhhh 1
He probably meant to say us* my predictive text changes us to is all the time.
CryMoreFMLs 15
I'm from Texas and I don't speak like that...
margie2194 12
Ah the class pervert. We all have one.
phatdaddy62 23
Hey 85, it says so in his profile. Duh!
capper44 18
Hey you french right!!
ChaosAngel17 14
146- Oui monsieur! Parlez vous francais?
tylersign 11
156- No idea what you just said, but your eyes are pretty.
KoolKidFly 0
Uno dos tres cuatro, bonjour moneme. ¡Hola! Como esta? Muy bien, Gracias. ¿Y usted?
toastyumm 1
Haha vaguely sexual? Wow OP. live in a barn?
Venister 11
Non.
kbtoyz69 9
gota keep it cut;)
boofgall 16
Yes, but certainly not by her father.
EatnBeef 7
If that's what mowing the lawn is then what have I been doing to the grass? Shaving it's pubes?
mama2b3 20
#44 I'm not sure why I found your comment so funny but I did lol
Boston_4_Life 3
Does he get paid?
imcutefml 0
The pay is the smell
GoW_Chick 15
Wait..what? "The pay is the smell," are you saying OP smells bad down there, or what? You know not everyone has bad smells coming from that area.
babyblueO5 8
I agree, MOST girls shower
TheDrifter 24
Not all smells are bad smells. Scented body wash and sushi is a smell, but a good smell.
imcutefml 0
Most guys like smelling cause they each have their own smell
Commander223 9
Wow XD
massacreman3000 1
sexuallobster ring a bell?
Redoxx_fml 22
At least you didn't say "no I let it grow wild"
tylersign 11
"So the bugs have a place to live."
kooochris1995 14
"then I eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner"
skyeyez9 25
Reminds me of the fml I read where a man woke up to discover an ant colony moved into his beard.
Margemander 4
Or like my neighbor. She keeps hers as a bird sanctuary. It's really bushy.
Roevera 14
don't forget the crabs 33.
DontForgetMe4 0
"Oh no, this guy called Elmo does every Sunday! He keeps it nice and short! It always looks great."
OAAS 0
I find it cheaper to pick up a random Mexican from Home Depot, or pay one of the neighborhood kids to do it... What?
yourXwillh8me 3
The family that shaves together, stays together. I think Tyler Perry said that.
Vulpes21 6
Someone's into manscaping
Roevera 14
^ his mom probably did it.
dapheronixx03 6
your picture is sexy:)
Devor 5
Ur hot
ProhibitionRose 14
Oh god, if he'd asked me that and I replied "no, I hire an old guy named Pedro to do it for me in the summers"... Eeek I'd die from embarrassment!
rattusrattus 19
Who hires old Pedro to do it. Get a two-for-one with Pedro's hot grandson... mowed lawn and cute butt to oogle! [/perv]
ravenxcorvinus 9
lmao! oh god, i think i have a tear *wipes corner of eye* anywho OP it could've been worse..
grahambertus 11
If you're gonna complain about peoples problems, dont go on FML. It doesn't matter how much shit has happened to you, some people are just more emotionally affected by smaller things. I know my girlfriend was emotionally affected by my smaller thing...
MerrikBarbarian 9
Wtf are you on about 129? That didn't relate to anything at all? Except apparently your gf was emotionally scared by your small dick is all I got from that.
IBelongToJeebus 0
129's picture was my reaction to his comment.
raney150 0
Haha, just laugh it off OP. it's not that bad.
cougarhunter308 4
Its sad how lazy that generation is getting
FiasCudi 0
this should have 1 thumb down, but I was on a bus and I hit the wrong button. so... yeah
silentbutfunny 0
Lazy? Or just plain weird. I wonder how people will find mates in 20 years.... Bird calls?
1215116a 14
It's funny how you assume so quick. So what they're dad mows the (actually) lawn? My dad does, but other than that he is lazy! I don't, but I wash the dishes, sweep, mop, etc. So I'm not lazy for not mowing the law...
dsbs 9
Yea I don't mow the law either
HannahWho 8
Depending on how wild Op's lawn is... she might actually be very proactive.
silentbutfunny 0
I was talking about the perv, his tactics of trying to pock up chicks are.... Weird