Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire two acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML
Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, my dad was supposed to come see me for our twice-a-year visit. He was 3 hours late. So I called, and asked him why he was late. He said, "Oh, something came up." I asked him what was so important. Apparently, the garage needed cleaning. FML
Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML
Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML
Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML
Today, my dad decided to be an awesome person and fold my laundry without telling me. Later, I heard my parents having a conversation about a pair of panties that were "like dental floss" and which sister they belonged to. FML
Today, I was vacuuming our house because I wanted to help my parents. I wore a headset while listening to REALLY loud music. The vacuuming job took me two hours and when I took of my headset I noticed that I hadn't started the vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, I left my phone outside on the grass while I went inside to get a drink. I didn't expect my dad to run over it with the lawn mower. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics, I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML
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Top comments
FUUUandyourmom 16
Was he drunk?
Poetaster 10
Daddy needs some therapy
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Comments (167)
Poetaster 10
Daddy needs some therapy
baconftw 9
Then i guess he mowes the house?
Poetaster 10
Or waters the carpets?
6tori6 5
he obviously does want dirt in his grass.
theunknowned 1
that sucks
Keyman1212 14
He mows the carpets.
kevsnev 7
At least your dad is attempting to be clean. My parents don't give a donkey fart about the state of our house.
Damn_Hippster 11
Well with all that dirt on their lawn, who wouldn't vacuum it?
WhySoMad 0
I hate these ******* ads
leadman1989 16
Not so weird if it's turf... you have to mow that shit, yes in serious. Truth is stranger than fiction.
fanceh 10
At least he doesn't tile the yard.
Miss_Attitude96 24
As if mowing the grass at night alone would make him look crazy, but vacuuming? It's a whole new level of insanity.
Sebastian_NG 17
He probably literally lost his marbles on the lawn and was vaccuming trying to find them.... One never knows
todethepandaXD 2
take advantage of the situation, parents are the best drunk!
Choose_Wisely 5
pfft who MOWS their lawns anymore? vacuuming is the new "it" thing
WhySoMad 0
Lol someone removed my comment of I hate these ******* ads
xoconnie 8
pretty smart. instead of raking the leaves, why not suck them up a vacuum?
armyofficerwife 0
Did anyone stop to think that dad was just being a smartass to annoy his kid? That's like when my husband asks what we are having for dinner and I say food.
freakinglaugher 10
Oh my god! Is Boners your dad?
ImFrackinBored 13
Time for a bad anti joke relating to OPs dad Why was grandpa climbing a telephone pole with a backpack full of bananas? He has a debilitating disease, and is slowly losing touch with reality.
FUUUandyourmom 16
Was he drunk?
abbybailey204 19
That's what I thought
npnptracking 7
No..he's on acid
DrDilllonReese 12
Damn. I though everyone vacuumed their yards in the dark.
zombicidal 11
no 42 most people do it during the day
himoonkey 8
No he's on shrooms. And acid. And weed. And pain killers
m0tl3ycru3 0
And GHB and ecstacy and salvia
DrDilllonReese 12
Well I don't do it during the day. And apparently OP's dad doesn't either
ChocolateCupcake_fml 1
I wish your dad was mine :')
MyMilkShake2Yard 0
I see what those headlights are for now, it all makes sense
lolza 0
Well now you know he has lost his marbles :')
Crlnprz 11
i know this has nothing to do with the post im replying to but is anybody else really getting annoyed by that ad that opens up everytime you open the app
Bourne_ 5
Yeah I'm getting that and it's really annoying.
thegreat8 1
Same
Hollywoodgirl79 18
Me too. I hate it so much.
glglgl19 5
Me2 its so ******* annoying!!!!
zukinihudini 0
Then you have to wait to click continue, yeah it sucks
Hummbinger 5
Just buy the ad free version in the settings menu.
Crlnprz 11
makes me not want to read FMLs
xGraycloud 4
112- gasp, I wouldn't go that far.
llamalover96 0
I think I have 0.0 I swear I thought it said "meowing" his lawn...
todethepandaXD 2
He was obviously vacuuming the lawn to find them, duh.
foodlord 5
He's looking for his marbles-vacuuming them up
Runninvegan 8
What a boss.
EatnBeef 7
Well who doesn't mow the house and vacuum the lawn?
The_FMLs 0
^ win
Dark__Angel66 24
Maybe he was just messing around?
oreobunbun 3
He was trying to find his marbles
Dark__Angel66 24
I see what you did there ;)
Ali_Br_fml 33
wow, he could have been sleepwalking. My friend does stuff like that when she sleepwalks... Either that, or he really lost his marbles. Better start locking the doors with the chain, & putting bells on it so if he goes out, you hear. It can get dangerous...
himoonkey 8
I kicked my friend in the face when I sleep walked :/
todethepandaXD 2
my cousin spread dog food all over her lawn when she sleep walked once
Bekll 31
My mother has been sleep walking since she was a kid and regularly gets night terrors. It can be scary, especially the rare times she's found herself outside still sleeping,
curlyfry33 8
I have only sleep walked a couple of times
smalltownboy54 0
7th
heyhihello95 12
I don't think you've got to worry about him loosing his marbles anymore.
CuteGinger 2
It is spelled LOSING! I usually don't have a biiiig problem with words being misspelled, but too many people can't spell losing. *If this was a typo, I apologize profusely.
heyhihello95 12
Yea it's a typo grammar Nazi :)
truehitman2010 0
he lost his marbles, he dosent want to run them over in the lawm mower so he's gotta vacum them up
MrSexyPants 14
You clever bastard
Jimster1712 0
He was trying to find his marbles. In hope that the vacuum will suck it up and later he can find it in the vacuum's litter bag.