Today, I was lying in bed when my sister came home. She had a Mountain Dew, so of course I asked for some. She then told me she just sucked dick. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was trying to go to sleep when I heard my sister come home from the bar. I fell asleep and woke up an hour later to see my sister squatting in my dresser drawer. I asked her what she was doing and she said "I'm peeing." FML
Today, I was choking on an apple and asked my sister to get me some water. She got some. Then drank it herself. FML
Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML
Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML
Today, I ended up sleeping on the dirty floor because my sister didn't want to share a king size bed with me. She got up to get a drink and stepped on my face. FML
Today, my sister decided to wake me up by pumping handwash into my open mouth. FML
Today, my sister took me out shopping for my birthday and had been drinking a Monster the whole day. Halfway back home, I took a sip of it and she screamed, but it was too late. I had drunk the phlegm that she spat into the can earlier. FML
Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML
Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML
Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Sweetie 5
At least she told you before you drank it.
cuz803 46
I respect her honesty. You should too cause she gave you a warning you didn't want but surely as hell needed. 🤣 It might have been possible she sucked dick for the Mountain Dew as well.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (7)
Sweetie 5
At least she told you before you drank it.
diraven 15
How much could she really backwash though, am I right?
cuz803 46
I respect her honesty. You should too cause she gave you a warning you didn't want but surely as hell needed. 🤣 It might have been possible she sucked dick for the Mountain Dew as well.
Chazzster 32
It is possible that sister came up with a way to keep the Mountain Dew to herself by inventing a story…
jc1015 25
that's what I would've done. you want mountain dew? get up off your lazy ass and get your own
Brightside86 31
Statistics show that nearly half of people who have ever had Mointain Dew will at some point suck a dick. The stats don't lie, drink at your peril!
bleachedraven 14
🤣
Dissapointment 11
Statistics also show that 98.6% of them are men 😳
EBrogen 12
At least you have a future bargaining chip. Throw in a hummer from your sister and you'll get all kinds of discounts.