Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, one of the kids in my neighborhood told me he would mow my lawn for 10 bucks. After a few minutes, I heard the mower stop. He had mowed a penis into my front yard then run away. FML
Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML
Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML
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Top comments
tylersign 11
Was his reaction something like: "Ooh, even better."? If so... Leave that place.
Redoxx_fml 22
At least you didn't say "no I let it grow wild"
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Comments (97)
2ndSucks 15
I'm sure he was very turned on, OP.
mama2b3 20
Why? Because incest is so hot??
llamafish 25
It's fun for the whole family!
SystemofaBlink41 27
So trimming your family member's pubic hair is considered incest? uh... I left my dvd on! *runs away*
Pelreskovich 11
You know, it's similar to having someone proof read a paper.. A second pair of eyes will always find the missed spots and flaws! :P
flockz 20
i smack my ferret on a daily basis. animal control has no idea.
ffgghytt 3
WTF!!!!!!
flockz 20
i water the flowers everyday. no need to be angry!
behemoth198 0
Flockz, why is your picture someone holding their deuce?
hzlzkgzkgzchxuxh 3
I rape potatoes everyday don't tell health service
silentbutfunny 0
I tend to choke the chicken... PETA would be PISSED
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
48 - Twilight.
GODert 8
Doesn't everyone now a days
HannahWho 8
I take the sea dragon every day, for the people.
cja101 8
Flockz loads of your comments are great but this one is a perfect match to your pic no offence
simgar98 0
ill do it ;-)
GoW_Chick 15
My creeper senses are tingling.
silentbutfunny 0
More like vibrating ... Wait
eminemop 0
Maybe simgar98's the perv OP's talking about.
quite_bored 9
You're 14, you'll do your homework and go to bed.
j_cat187 20
Does he grunt and laugh like Bevis?
silentbutfunny 0
Or butthead "hey babay, heehhuhuhuh, do you like, mow your lawn? Heehhuhuhuh"
jessimica642 8
Yeah heh heh like, dues the carpet match the drapes heh heh BOINGIONGIONG!
OctoberRainfall 13
The surname of the pervert in my class is Beavis...and after reading the fml about class perverts and then reading your comment, I couldn't help but make the connection
Snafuusmc 12
*rich white guy laugh* is that what kids are doing nowadays?
The_Hitdude 12
What the hell does a "rich white kid laugh" sound like?
cja101 8
The same as a rich black kid I assume
music_woman1 11
I really hope he doesn't use that against you.
Savra_fml 17
That's just computer jargon for "do you ejaculate your flash drive". FYL
efynsien 1
Aha! I read that fml!! I see what you did there.
P3_LadyChaosGoW 0
Ahaha wow, you walked straight into that one! Well, at least you'll know better the next time anyone asks you that.
geod69 8
Classic