Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
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Top comments
jimmyweee 0
Ha, you swallowed the wrong thing.
BlackWolfVII 0
Should've practiced on a banana first. Girls. *Facepalm*
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Comments (217)
MyLifeSucks6969 0
wow look at comment #15.... wow, seriously? F***ing prude religious b**ch
chicabonita5683 0
What does waiting until marriage have to do with marriage exactly? Just wondering, she didn't say, "wait until marriage, like God intended." Did you ever think she just has morals. I am an adult now, and I have to say that I wish that I had waited. Sex is a great thing, but waiting would have been much better. Also, this person didn't say she was against other sexual activities before marriage, just those that involve a condom. So stop being a skanky demon worshiper (sorry, just assuming you must be the opposite of her to make such rude comments).
BRp4e 0
lol #7, and you're a freak.
live1laugh2love3 0
AHAHAHAHAHHAA
the_question_mar 0
zzzzzzzWell it looks like you survived, didn't you.
idontgiveone 0
whats happened to your grandma's abstinence lessons?
mattmag 0
Lol #15, for all you know she got divorced and has a new boyfriend. Is she supposed to just go without sex for a couple of years after getting it every night?
chicabonita5683 0
Maybe it's assuming, but I can't see someone who is an adult that has previously been married, magically deciding just to try this on a whim and never having done it before or something. This post reeks of teenager/young adult imitating a **** flick.
starvingxartist 0
i've considered doing that. but condoms taste disgusting, really.
bball_apple23 0
that sucks ass....hahah
AndelleRae 9
Yeah, when you've got something that can easily kill you in your mouth, freaking out isn't exactly the best thing to do. At least your alive, right?
FBIWarning 0
hope it was a nice flavor you got ;)