Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML
Today, I discovered my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I've had in the last year. FML
Today, I found out that my wife has had more sex in the last two months than I have in our last year of marriage. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that to save money, he's been using the same condom for the last month. FML
Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML
Today, the previously charming guy I've been seeing for the past two weeks tried to introduce a weekly sex quota into our relationship. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend masturbating, again. Meanwhile we haven’t had sex in weeks. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML
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Top comments
GigaPudding_fml 24
I'm not sure if a calender and calculations works on him, but to me that just sounded like a total mood kill
batman_516 9
I appreciate the fact that you're keeping score and wanting MORE sex, but if I was your boyfriend, I'd be a little weirded out that you're keeping score.
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Comments (269)
lolpalol1 2
if my gf was like this.. holyshit, if i even mention the frequency of hits per month i wont get anything for weeks.. Damn, your bf is nuts not doing you every day
FMLinCA 12
this is weird. why're you keeping track? why're you even discussing it?
Vlyn 1
I did the same thing yesterday ^_^;;; My bf stared at it for a bit. Never saw a better 'deer in headlights' expression. "Guess we should fix that" was the eventual response :P
Vlyn 1
Oh and for the record, some things for tracking periods request things like sex frequency, when you take a pill, etc etc.
thelaxersvlog 9
This isn't an fml
Humanspider 18
Can this woman win an award for best girlfriend ever?
nightwolf1997 6
He's a lucky bastard to have a girl asking for sex lol jk jk
badassbandit 6
I'm kinda expecting another FML saying "Today, I discovered my girlfriend kept a calender for all the times we had sex. Then, she pointed out that we need to improve our 'stats' FML."
IronCOG117SR 4
You. Me. Ring. Honeymoon.
Artisticnemo 0
The problem is not the status the problem is you actually keep track of when you have sex.