flopsy
Australia 🌶️ Spicy
A tale as old as time
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
:((
Brisbane, Australia 🌶️ Spicy
No good
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
fucksake
Seri Kembangan, Malaysia 🌶️ Spicy
Almost there
Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML
EliseV
Chino Hills, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I lost my virginity. In the middle of it, he just gave up and said he wasn't in the mood anymore. Then I had to listen about his past failed relationships for over an hour. FML
virgin
🌶️ Spicy
Not now!
Today, I was excited because tomorrow I was going to lose my virginity. I just used the bathroom; I got my period. FML
unsatisfied
France 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML
fuck you, Odin, FUCK YOU
Los Angeles, United States 🌶️ Spicy
So close…
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Nightshade823
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Just stop
Today, I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It's hard for me to get it up, and I can't orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, "Yeah, you should stop now, I'm numb." FML
mavrick127
Atlanta, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML
NotALuckyGuy
Columbus, United States
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Top comments
Emmy_m92 0
Apparently, you couldn't rise to the occasion.
hondabikez 2
it normal! it happens!
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Comments (245)
perdix 31
You're probably gay. Get some bloke to bend over and part his cheeks for you and then see if your equipment works. Once you've calibrated your unit, you can head off on the proper orientation.
Sirin_fml 47
Talk about insane troll logic.
perdix 31
It's just Occam's Razor -- the simplest solution is usually the best one. I'm just thinking like a scientist, not a troll.
Sirin_fml 47
I think the OP needs some Occam's Viagra. It doesn't get much simpler than that.
RedPillSucks 33
From virginity to a 4hr woody in one easy step.
perdix 31
Young guys don't need Viagra. Healthy older guys don't need it, either. Viagra is for guys who are trying to **** their fat, ugly wives. The OP's missile may be failing to launch because he may be attempting to insert in into the orifices of the wrong gender.
alexandrox 0
not necisseraly I had one time I couldnt get it up with this hot girl cuz I was Way to exited n nervous (of getting) caught n other stuff it was a mix of emotions all weird...I'm still straight
perdix 31
There are a lot of possible reasons it could have happened. What scientific research is showing and what I believe is that sexual orientation is an inborn trait, not a choice. (I didn't choose to like girls, I just always have -- I don't pat myself on the back for my "choice" to be heterosexual, because I never made one.) So, one possible reason that the OP had trouble is that inside he knows he's gay, but is trying to conform to society's norms by pretending to be straight. Maybe the experiment I mention earlier was a bit extreme, but this is a humor site, not Dr. Phil.
MrBoredomioo 18
Does no one notice this is a perdix comment?
random_name2 1
Ya same thing happened to me my first time. I managed to get it up though, went soft a couple times during though. It didn't help that I was high as hell off weed-brownies and couldn't even feel my dick... But ya, just relax, get her to kiss and tease ur neck and stomach, or more if she's willing..
mfmylifesrsly 30
DUDE! my ex kept going limp on our first time from damn weed so I had to go down on him every time it happened to get it back up lol
BloodyHeel 8
Fascinating.
_krispy 0
could u tell us that story again, do u have time? But now with a little more umph in it
mola_mola 3
there was no "umph" in this story, he couldn't get it hard for long enough for the umph to start :P
schalk 12
Liar. It makes you last longer NOTE : I'm not advocating the use of drugs, just stating a fact. Drugs are bad mmkay?
starile 20
AHAHAHAHJAJAJAAHAHAHAHAJAJAJAJAJAHAHA yes I am laughing at OP in at least two languages.
big_brown_eyes 0
it's a sign... dun dun dun!!
DocBastard 40
I don't understand. Couldn't get it up? What is "it?" His blood sugar? His interest rate?
RedPillSucks 33
His interest rate. You know how things are in this economy.
W4X 0
Sarcasm is quite funny, and I am glad you took advantage of that, Doc,
zp5 4
his self confidence.
Geicogecko 2
I hope your kidding. and if you are you just made an ass of yourself but if your not your pretty much just plain stupid. its a lose-lose situation
sassypants93 17
It is fairly obvious that he is kidding. How did he make an ass of himself? I think YOU'RE the stupid one here. Do you see the difference yet?
maryldean 1
oops.... nvm... thought i was commenting on something else... so srry.
maryldean 1
he couldnt get a boner... since no one else is clearing this up...
fmliferr 1
haha dude your probably gay
patebbe 0
lol
sourgirl101 29
Frankie says "Relax" don't do it. Oops.... wait.... that song's about coming not boner failure. Oh well, I'm sure you'll have trouble in that department too.
MaCOOLiT 5
land of down under. LOL
ellamegan 0
its perfectly normal, next time prepare yourself first make sure you get some foreplay in for BOTH of you ;)