Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML
Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML
Today, my wife, who’s been a stay at home mom since our kids were born, hasn’t really been out looking for a day job since they’re old enough to be in school full time now. She has however been day-drinking and hooking up with the neighbor's wife. She insists she’s not gay, just experimenting. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML
Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, and my drunk best friend knocked on our door. We screamed 'go away' and she still opened the door. She then saw us, and asked if she can join. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over after my wife went to work. She looked so sexy in her outfit, I couldn’t resist. I ripped her clothes off and began to do her on my couch… until I heard my daughter’s voice asking, “Dad, who’s that?” Apparently, she was home sick from school. FML
Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
Today, a kid walked in on me and my new FWB having sex at her place. I knew she had children, so I asked if it was hers. No, it was her son's. I'm boning a grandma who's not even 50. FML
Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Wizardo 34
Explain to the kids the dangers of drinking and mind ******* abilities it has, silver linings.
meepmerp 20
Now you know not to invite her
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (111)
ahh_rats 15
Well did you?
caver1 14
I was Guanajuato same the same thing
nana_star 27
she has now
joselgarciac 9
Aside from the kids thing, that is a good question.
meepmerp 20
Now you know not to invite her
kaablam 17
Or maybe have a word with her husband... Oh, oh.. Or maaybe this is how they get you into a threesome? Just random thoughts passin through.
SuperCasual 13
#15- So you're one of those people who says random shit that nobody cares about.
ashingtondc 3
69 thumbs up
IloveToLaugh143 21
Seems like #78 is also one of those people.
Enslaved 38
So? Did you? If not-- you went to the wrong college! :P
ahh_rats 15
Hahaha very true
Wizardo 34
What? Or she simply didn't want any and went to a perfectly good college.
rhysfucker 24
You have to put the kids to bed with a little Benadryl first.
xAmybbx 22
Thank god I go to a wrong college.
Ryan8878 21
Well, it would seem no one is able to take a joke. It wasn't that bad and the smilie was a dead give away.
Wizardo 34
Explain to the kids the dangers of drinking and mind ******* abilities it has, silver linings.
HowieDoIt 21
And that, kids, is how I met your mother.
squidgy787 22
You need to have a very serious conversation with her when she sobers up.
rhysfucker 24
Like "not in front of the children" and "should I bring wine or liquor?"
Enslaved 38
Liquor might make her a licker.
KillSwitch96 18
And wine might make her whine.
angelitared 27
Drunk neighbors... Grabbing boobies one margarita at a time. Haha!
Shazra 9
Hahaha XD
cumberbunny 17
Well...don't look a gift horse in the mouth!
rhysfucker 24
At least it was the wife, not the husband. That could lead to some real tension in the 'hood.
RedPillSucks 33
How is this better? Sexual harassment is sexual harassment, whether its man on woman, woman on woman, or man on man...
Goblin182 27
What about woman on man. Oh,that's right, that's not harrassment, that's getting lucky.
davincidasecond 24
Sadly enough, in this day and age, many men do see it that way ...
LowExpectations 30
#52, I've been sexualy hurrassed by women, trust me, by no means did I feel lucky.
ninjalovin 8
#83 They must have had some low expectations
oreoeater 21
Maybe she was the slave driver type?
pratikp03 22
Well now it's a party (in phoebe voice)
Robtranis 11
Friends reference :D. Nice.
classiceagle63 16
Well that's a.... Free sex ed lesson for the kids?
ChenEighty 20
Not really, considering her kids are less likely to both be homosexual females, they wouldn't really learn much that's useful.
BootheGhost 6
Its a lesson on what NOT to do at a friend's house.
mattjamt 16
It wouldn't exactly be a Sex Ed lesson because sex can technically only occur when both genders are present..
tstew97 4
Whys that? Because gay sex is icky? Smh