Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML
Today, I ran for editor-in-chief of a magazine. I spent hours working on my speech, and offered a bunch of new ideas to increase readership. My opponent just said that she, "loved the organization". I lost by a 4-1 margin. My opponent later announced her plans for next year. They were all of my ideas. FML
Today, I started my new job. It seems my colleagues are moronic pranksters, because when I leaned back in my chair, the backrest came apart and I fell to the ground, to much laughter. My boss immediately shouted at me to, "Stop fucking about." I thought this only happened in movies. FML
Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML
Today, the father of my child couldn't understand why he had been laid off from his job as a painter's assistant. He couldn't find a broom or vacuum, so he "cleaned" a carpet by laying down strips of painter's tape and pulling it up. FML
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
Today, I finally found out what the horrible smell at work was. A rat had decided to make its home in our emergency exit sign and had been fried by the electricity. I now have to fix this. Hello scorched dead rat. FML
Today, I went for a job interview for a building position at a retail store. They saw on my application that I was good at math. They asked me what the circumference of a circle is. Being nervous during the interview, I accidentally said the area of a circle. I didn't get the job. FML
Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML
Today, I was sent to a customer's house to switch out a washing machine. My boss had assured me that everything I'd need was already in the truck. Halfway there, I ran out of gas and I realized I didn't have the gas card. My boss says it's my fault. FML
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML
Today, I've now received my 73rd email in two days about my masters group project on policy recommendations for security reform. One group member has helpfully rewritten everything, and our project is now titled "Zeus's Earthly Kingdom." It's due today. FML
Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML
Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML
Today, on my first day of a new factory job, I discovered that my new boss had lied to me about my hours. I found this out when my coworkers burst out laughing when I mentioned having the weekends off, and talking about my recreational plans. FML
Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML
Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML
Today, I was issued with a £60 fine for being parked in a supermarket car-park for more than 3 hours. I work there. FML
mitchell904 tells us more.
I will definitely be fighting it! There's no way I'll pay it. The reason I got the fine is because the car park management is outsourced to another company, and they've just switched to an automated system which identifies the registration number of the cars when entering and leaving. Whilst I have a little permit sticker on my windscreen - which has been fine for the past 2 years - the system doesn't see it. Needless to say I'll be going in to speak to someone today... And walking.
Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML
Today, I was on a first date. She asked what I do, so I replied, "I create adverts." She then yelled, "F**k you" and left. FML
Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML
Today, I arrived at work, only to find my computer's massive CRT monitor had been smashed up beyond belief. Everyone else has flat-screen monitors, and I'd made no secret of how unfair it is to me. According to my boss, this makes me the obvious culprit, and now I'm suspended. FML
Today, my boss fired me because he wants to start dating my mother and apparently doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML
Today, as a medical student working in a hospital, I asked a patient if he had any questions for me or his physician. His only question: whether or not my breasts are real. FML
falafalo tells us more.
falafalo 25
the_true_batman – I may not be a doctor, but that does not make the comments that reference female doctors irrelevant. Female medical students and female doctors face many of the same issues when working in the hospital. A couple of letters behind your name and a long white coat don’t erase sexism. If you can’t make the mental leap to connect female medical students and female doctors as women in health care, then perhaps is it you that needs to work on your critical THINKING skills. DocBastardrd and sjs1220 - Thank you for the support.
Today, I tried hitting on the new receptionist at work. After a few flirtatious comments and subtly hinting that I thought she was bangable, she informed me that she's married to our boss. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML
Today, I realized I'm too short to use the urinals at work. FML
Today, I was informed that one of my store managers does a "great" impression of me. No one will tell me what it is, but apparently it's really funny. FML
Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML
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