Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML
Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML
Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my wife frantically saying something about her having scabies, and that I had to take her to the ER. It turned out to be eczema. FML
Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML
Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML
Today, I once again had to tell one of my elderly patients not to grope me. He responded by throwing his bedpan at me. It was full. FML
Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML
Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML
Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML
Today, while I was shaving my nose started to itch. Guess which I shaved and which I itched. FML
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Top comments
yanksby7 6
So you're upset that some poor woman was so uncomfortable that she had to swallow her pride and press a button to get someone else to scratch a private area? Perhaps patient care is not the right field for you. F HER life, and grow up OP
cookie_crumble89 11
What you need is a "buttscratcher!"
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Comments (101)
Bagel09 11
Careful next thing she will be asking for is to use your tongue.
Voldy_fml 16
What?
The_Creeper_fml 8
Back scratchers OP. They reach more places than just your back! Also, your patient wasn't Cee Lo Green by chance? Prime of example of a cross between a T Rex and man...
rr1chard17 1
Boner! Nah jk. But I'm pretty sure we're all horny teenagers
oops_im_fucked 8
Sounds like a low quality porno to me.
gojira666 7
Turn that scratching into DJ diddles...she might even start to like it
KM96 24
Thats a little weird and creepy
l0v3p4in 7
Especially, since OP is a girl and her patient was referred to as 'her.' I sense there's much more to this story . . .
thenomad 7
I can't tell you how many patients have asked me to scratch their crotch. Apparently, the adult diapers (or briefs) cause some fierce itching.
kportal69 5
Being a nurses aide I understand. And hey when you're 90 years old, shit and piss yourself, and can't scratch anything you'll be asking for someone to scratch your crotch too. Guy or girl doesn't matter. We have the hardest yet most caring and compassionate jobs out there. And I say GO YOU OP! For being that caring and compassionate to scratch an old ladies crotch :)
cookie_crumble89 11
What you need is a "buttscratcher!"
Goldenchest 14
BUTTSCRATCHAA!
Just_ol_Kole 0
Yeah, and we also need an option to post a YouTube video just in case some people don't get the buttscratcher joke..
cookie_crumble89 11
40- if they don't google it they don't deserve to know it
DocBastard 40
Kole - Yes, that's exactly what Fmylife.com needs, the ability for trolls to spam the comment section with irrelevant Youtube videos. Excellent idea.
Goldenchest 14
Buttscratcher.. :( (You guys ruined it)
raauul_4 5
I wouldn't mind if she was hot.
Jannettecooks 1
Because hot chicks are allowed to have crotch rot?
nofearjenshere 12
I imagine the patient to be a really old lady. Still wouldn't mind?
SpottedZebra42 14
Either way, it was a girl scratching another girl.
WhyCantIDoRight 5
6 - I'm sure she was hot, As in hostpitals usually don't have air conditioners...
K_kanaka 26
CROTCHSCRATCHER GET YOUR CROTCHSCRATCHER HERE!!!
Ibanez3x 5
CROTCH SCRATCHER??
Jiinxx 8
am I just stupid or did it take everyone else a while to be able to say "crotchscratcher" without messing up? lol.
BeefyQueef 5
CROTCHCRATCHER!
j_cat187 20
1 please
TrippingOnAcid 29
That's gotta be awkss
Linkerdoodles 15
Why the **** do people say 'awks'?! It's so annoying. -_-
archenemybtch 0
People like you are ruining this generation with your asinine abbreviations. Use actual words please.
nofearjenshere 12
I think the worse one I've heard is "Awko Taco."
borkchop1992 15
If i had some sexy nurse i'd pull off some bullshit like that to have her fondle my balls a little
br0dawg 6
And in an exciting twist, you find out that the "sexy nurse" is actually a pre-op tranny! Aww yeah, son. Wait, no? Did that not...that doesn't do it for you? OK, welp, bring on the thumbs down.
peachesncreem 21
You'd be surprised how many able bodied men ask for help in the shower at a hospital. It's not something you can say no to either.. Oh the things I've seen O_O
doink 0
I once had a 30-something year old man ask me to hold his penis while he peed into the urinal. I thought he was joking so I chuckled. Well, turns out he wasn't...
ShyAnn29 15
Well after a surgery, it's hard to shower, because you are so sore, I've been there, done that lol
l0v3p4in 7
18 - As a novice nurse, I couldn't say no and was too naive to realize the difference, but as I learned the tricks of the trade, I found ways that many able-bodied men found it extremely hard to resist not calling me again (i.e. ice cold bed baths/showers, rough handling) *In a sweet innocent Betty Boop voice* "Oops, I am so sorry, sir, was that too cold for you? Let me scrub away all that nasty dirt and get you all good and clean." *Scrubbing vigorously making him as pink as a newborn baby while batting eyelashes and talking sweetly*
ycrem0n 21
ah little over there.. yes.. yes... ohhh.. ahh.. now down..lower... lower... yeah that's it... mmm... yes..
stevenJB 25
Lower...ahh..lower...lower...TOO LOW!...lower... :)
PinkieKeen 20
10 your profile pic matches perfectly
Ruffclue 9
peter should invent on selling backscratcher at different places now.
Ruffclue 9
invest*