Sex

Plot twist

By Anonymous - 16/11/2024 19:00 - Australia - Emerald

Today, I had finally convinced myself to attend my first BDSM party by telling myself, "No one there knows you, and if they do, they're interested in the same thing." Once there, I immediately noticed the giant hole in my train of thought: One of the bar staff was a fellow uni student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 359

Multitasking

By Anonymous - 09/04/2025 02:00

Today, my wife picked up her phone, answered a text, added a few things to her phone's shopping list, and looked at her phone calendar to remind me I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. She did all this whilst my penis was inside her, giving it my best effort as well. Self confidence zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 165

Shameless

By lying fuck! - 22/06/2020 14:02

Today, I walked into my husband's office and accidentally interrupted his business call to tell him dinner was ready. Silly me, I didn’t realize his "business call" included Skyping with his topless ex, with his pants down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 554

You deserved it 206

Sex talk

By Bellagirl - 19/07/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 599

You deserved it 5 502

Wandering star

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 21:00 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, I thought my parents were divorcing over money, but it turns out the real reason is that my dad has been cheating for two years with a 20 year-old girl from his work. He only told my mom two months ago, after he got the girl pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 896

You deserved it 147

I'll take what I can get

By Queen LaQueefah - 13/09/2015 11:52 - United Kingdom - Chesterfield

Today, my rarely-romantic boyfriend finally said "I love you". Too bad he was drunk, and was talking to my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 215

You deserved it 3 405

Stoooooop!

By emancipate my ass - 24/07/2016 04:02

Today, I had to listen from the next room as my dad cheated on his girlfriend with his married boss. He's 57, looks like a troll, and doesn't smell much better than one either. Meanwhile I'm 24 and couldn't get laid, much less get a date, if my life depended on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 831

You deserved it 1 636

The odd couple

By Anonymous - 12/06/2022 04:00

Today, my girlfriend, for our first time having sex, wanted to do stepbrother roleplay. Not only is that odd for our first time, it’s a weird fetish to have, especially when she actually does have a stepbrother. We ended up not finishing having sex, it was too weird for me FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 026

You deserved it 288

No kinkshaming

By it’s creepy! - 27/07/2023 10:00

Today, my girlfriend is mad I won’t indulge her “Sleeping Beauty” fantasy. She doesn’t want me to just kiss her, she wants me to full on fuck her. Call me crazy but I just can’t get it up for a passed out person. Yes it’s consensual, but it just feels uncomfortable. She doesn’t get why I’m not into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 379

Don't assume

By Anonymous - 24/01/2023 04:30

Today, after I went to Mexico for its museums, when I try to share my experience with other guys, they all think I went there for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 281

Status unclear

By Anonymous - 05/06/2025 20:00 - Belgium - Frameries

Today, my fiancée asked for a threesome. I don't want it. I think I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 99

So frustrating!

By Marvin-jones - 02/03/2023 02:00

Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 138

Going well, isn't it

By theproblemboblem - 29/04/2021 14:00

Today, after weeks of begging my boyfriend of almost two years to have sex with me, he told me to find someone else to fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 656

You deserved it 311

Kinky

By 9gingerface66 - 15/01/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 911

You deserved it 4 694

To each their own

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 18:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 751

You deserved it 295

Fair warning

By Alwayshappens2me - 17/07/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, it doesn't mean your mom won't walk into your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 496

You deserved it 10 527

Family secret

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 22:00

Today, after my grandad died suddenly last week, we were cleaning out his house and found a full on sex dungeon, with pictures of him and nana going back 50 years. My siblings are all chicken shits, so I have to deal with that room by myself. Rubber gloves and a therapist required please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 816

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 05:43 - Canada

Today, in an attempt to spice up our relationship, I tied my boyfriend up and did a striptease for him. I pulled my skirt down over my heels but tripped as I tried to step out of it. Not only did I pull a muscle in my leg but I elbowed him in the groin. So much for spice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 760

You deserved it 9 203

Disclaimer

By Issac Almendarez - 02/12/2022 04:00

Today, my family and I took a trip to Mexico, along with my girlfriend. I bought some Viagra, just to experiment as I don't need it. My mom had me carrying around her cigarettes all day. When she asked for them, I accidentally handed her the box of Viagra and she freaked out on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 1 548

Permission granted and rejected

By Anonymous - 28/09/2023 04:00

Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 147

Dogging at home

By Anonymous - 24/12/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I got freaky in the living room. Apparently we didn’t close the curtain all the way because three of our neighbours called the police. There was barely a 4 inch gap in the curtain. They must've had their noses right up to the window, or using binoculars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 142

Bad parenting tips

By Anonymous - 02/08/2022 10:00

Today, even though I don’t have a problem with my ex having sex, I do have a problem with her bringing dudes home, who then meet my kid, confusing him. My kid is 4 years-old asked me if the guy from yesterday was his daddy, or if I was his daddy, even though I visit him every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 205

Jelly?

By kallens - 15/01/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I was at Target with my mom. After 10 minutes of my mom walking around looking confused, I said, "Mom, what are you looking for? I worked at this place for 4 years, I know where everything is." My mom was looking for K-Y Jelly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 909

You deserved it 2 832

The heat of the moment

By righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 917

You deserved it 8 669

Dirty girl

By I like sex dirty but not THAT dirty! - 20/07/2024 11:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my husband is upset because I’ve been turning him down when he tries to initiate sex as soon as I walk in the door. I work 12 hour shifts as an ER nurse and the thought of getting into bed without showering away all the day's germs repulses me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 177

Paranoid

By dumb&dumped - 17/04/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after we played the "Which celebrity would you sleep with?” game. He decided that since all my answers were guys who looked nothing like him, that I must secretly find him unattractive. Oh and that I would cheat with any of those guys if given the opportunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 246

Tonight, on First Dates…

By singleloseragain - 15/12/2022 12:00

Today, I had my first date with a cute older guy. What started as a perfect night ended in tears when we ran into my mom at the drugstore while he was buying us beer and condoms. She gave him a verbal lashing of a lifetime and told him my real age, 17. I'd told him I was 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 4 330

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 19/09/2014 16:06 - Belgium - Poperinge

Today, my boyfriend broke things off, because he says I have a "horrible, horrible personality" and that I'm only really fuck-buddy material, which is a problem because he wants something long-term. We've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 231

You deserved it 3 925

Dad of the day

By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad is disappointed in me because I came to him for advice on how I should tell my girlfriend I don’t feel ready for sex yet. He just looked at me, shook his head, and walked away. Later he sent my mom to ask me if I’m gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 293

You deserved it 456

Superficial chud

By Saggy - 20/03/2023 04:00

Today, I was ready to get intimate with my husband 7 months after giving birth to our son. He always made excuses as to why he couldn’t. Our marriage was on the rocks because of this, so when I sat him down to talk he admitted that to save this marriage I need to get a “tummy tuck” and a “breast lift.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 148

You deserved it 258

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 845

You deserved it 4 522

Today, when she found out my mother died, my ever empathetic wife said, “Tell them not to have the funeral on Friday. I have a hair appointment.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 84

Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 469

You deserved it 42 646

Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 890

You deserved it 1 131

Today, I made a very pretty sunflower cake that I woke up incredibly early to make. It took me hours and a lot of money. It was for my grandparents anniversary and my whole family was invited. We only got to see the remains because the waiter gave it to the wrong family, and they ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 965

You deserved it 2 382

Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 764

You deserved it 55 028