Sex

Braggadocio

By snowwhite - 28/10/2013 04:51 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of, "how hard he gave it to me last night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 696

You deserved it 10 144

No victim blaming

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 16:00 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, my husband left me for the whore he cheated on me with four years ago, and then, how stupid of me, I forgave him and took him back. I guess I had this coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 1 001

Instructions

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 686

You deserved it 16 465

Too awkward for love

By Anonymous - 31/01/2022 11:00 - Germany - Norden

Today, I realized I probably have more chances of finding intimacy and companionship working as an escort than by online dating, because if I get paid to spend time with someone, I’ll decide to just go with it and enjoy myself, but on an actual date I will most likely second-guess and self-sabotage all the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 421

Can't be bothered

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 00:30

Today, I realised just how lazy I am when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 1 765

Self rated

By Anonymous - 09/01/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I realized my success rates for sex in my committed relationship were really, really low, so I've decided to stop trying for a while. I also recently have learned Excel. I made a pretty complex tracker if I ever decide to try again to monitor failures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 205

Set phasers to stun

By Anonymous - 05/02/2021 00:30

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because there was “something missing”, which was the lack of sex we had because she didn’t feel good about her body. Less than three hours after crushing my heart, she posted about how hard it will be to have a "hoe phase" during a pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 814

You deserved it 190

What is he hiding?

By Wtf - 04/10/2025 20:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he had any secret sexual fantasies and promised that I wouldn't judge him, hoping to scratch my kinky itch. He looked at me wide-eyed, yelled, "IT'S A TRAP!!" and literally sprinted out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 254

It's a trap!

By Ahook1 - 23/08/2010 23:31 - Australia

Today, I discovered that my infertile girlfriend, who I have been having unprotected sex with for the past two months, is apparently very fertile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 424

You deserved it 54 376

Poor old Kermit

By FrogMyLife - 30/07/2021 15:59 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, I've been single for so long, I very nearly had a wet dream about an anthropomorphic frog. A FROG. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 207

My eyes!

By Anonymous - 30/11/2022 18:00

Today, I saw my neighbors having sex. They’re not great looking and bang like pornstars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 859

Sinning is winning

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 18:01

Today, I came home early from work and walked in on my husband in bed with his two young female "bible study students" from his church. Now I remember why he explicitly said to never interrupt his, "Sunday School Studies" with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 715

You deserved it 129

The ultimate betrayal

By nick - 23/08/2024 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I learned of my girlfriend’s affair with her coworker. And by coworker, I mean my long-time friend, who we helped get a job at her work in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 60

Get on with it

By KaRaSu - 22/11/2008 12:24 - France

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, she suddenly said : "Are you going to be done any time soon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 969

You deserved it 7 126

Kids grow up so fast

By bella - 08/12/2013 01:07 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them, telling them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed because I "haven't gotten laid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 293

You deserved it 5 152

Sex ban

By Ash - 13/12/2020 08:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 363

You deserved it 404

Never joke around with the Hacky Sacks

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 20:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my husband is refusing any kind of sex with me. Last week, as a prank, I slapped his ballsack during foreplay, not hard at all. Now he says he "can't trust me" near his junk, the big baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 804

Wish you were her

By Anonymous - 11/06/2022 06:00

Today, my roommate wants me to leave for a bit so she can “have a ton of fun.” Is it horrible that I wish it was me, because I can’t remember how long it’s been since I had any “fun"? FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 265

Fascinated

By Anonymous - 09/04/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of a sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House MD was on. He'd stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 471

You deserved it 15 298

To serve and protect

By Stupid dog - 11/08/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was giving me some good dick, only for us to be interrupted by banging on the door. He had to jump out a window. Serves me right for cheating, huh? Except I'm not married, it was just my psycho overprotective pit bull who smashed the door open when he heard us moaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 239

That joke isn't funny anymore

By Anonymous - 05/03/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly asked my husband at what age does he think we’ll stop having sex. His instant response was, “Dunno, at what age do you want to be divorced so I can remarry a woman half your age who still rides cowgirl?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 831

Communication

By GoneLimp - 08/03/2017 02:00 - United States - Havelock

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend doggy-style and noticed a piece of toilet paper had been "left behind". I had such a bad internal conflict about whether to tell her or to remove it myself, I went limp. She started crying and accused me of not being attracted to her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 022

You deserved it 1 677

It is kinda weird

By Anonymous - 10/06/2022 18:00

Today, about two years ago, my FWB pretended to be my boyfriend to get my mom off my back about being single. This ended up with our parents meeting, which ended up with my divorced dad marrying his widowed mom, so now my FWB is my step-brother and we don’t fuck anymore because he says it’s weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 429

Get it on, son

By Anonymous - 26/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was teasing my son about all the newlywed sex he must be having. He turned bright red and ended up admitting that because they stayed virgins until marriage they were too nervous to try on the wedding night, or on the honeymoon, or anytime since then. The wedding was 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 501

Horny housewives in your area

By Anonymous - 28/11/2022 02:00 - Belgium

Today, it's been 5 years since I started a relationship with a man who'd hidden he was impotent and I was too deep into the relationship to break it off. I accepted the sex without penetration. but since then his libido has dropped too, we have no sex, and he won't see a therapist. I'm looking up gigolos, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm 42. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 484

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 27/05/2022 06:00

Today, during sex with my new boyfriend, he gave me such an intense oral sex orgasm, I clenched my jaw and broke one of my back teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 330

Late results

By ohbutno - 08/02/2022 18:01

Today, I found out that not only did I get the best blowjob of my life on New Year's Eve, I also got gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 562

Get in there!

By Scared4Lf - 19/08/2016 18:10 - United States - Lamoure

Today, I was awoken by my grandparents making love, as they shook the camper in which my cousin and I were sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 987

You deserved it 1 557

Bad encounter

By Anonymous - 06/09/2023 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex stuck it in the wrong hole because he couldn’t find the right one, then he sucked my toes. I'm never going near another man again after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 284

Sexy talk

By sigh - 30/08/2009 23:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting in the mood. I got on top of him, leaned down to kiss him, and he began to laugh. Puzzled, I asked him why. He told me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I reminded him of a cow, with "udders." Offended, I went to get off him. "No no!" he protested, "a SEXY cow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 909

You deserved it 5 463

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Kids Fight Weird Toys Health Embarrassing Funerals Poopoo peepee My ex I need your advice Relatable Love Harassment Intimacy Sex Friends Cheating Tattoos Bodyshaming Gross Smells Work Surgery Money Underwear Cops Gun control Transportation Cars Weather

The Top

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 629

You deserved it 41 629

Today, I angrily tweeted about having fruitlessly searched for over an hour for my car keys. Minutes later, some guy told me to check beneath the "stack of skid-marked underwear" on my bedroom floor. I'm not sure if it was a lucky guess, or if I should start carrying mace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 988

You deserved it 6 664

Today, some jerk super glued leaves and a note onto my car's front windshield. Not only is it directly in front of the driver's seat and makes it nearly impossible to drive, but it won't come off. What makes it worse? I was spending the night at a friend's house and the note was meant for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 149

You deserved it 2 616

Today, I found out why I get so red all over at parties. Turns out I'm allergic to alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 856

You deserved it 225

Today, I knew micropenises existed, I just never expected I’d see one in person after spending weeks building my anticipation of losing my virginity, getting naked in front of him, then being presented with half a cocktail sausage. Even if we had sex I think I’d still be a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 288

Today, my husband and I made a sex tape because I thought it sounded fun. After we watched it, I learned I have the ugliest orgasm face I've ever seen. Now I don't want sex ever again because all I can think about is how stupid I look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 279