Anonymous · 14 August 2022, 04:00 ·Singapore, Singapore

Text arguments are the worst

Today, I was upset with my girlfriend, but I didn't want to start an argument with her, so I didn't reply to her message immediately. She asked me what happened. I hesitated but explained nonetheless. She remained silent for almost an hour before replying she's busy at work, so she can't reply. Then why did she even bother to ask? FML

I agree, your life sucks 741 You deserved it 252

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Damnyouspellcheck · 13 August 2022, 18:00

Hangover from hell

Today, I sent a text to a girl I met last night. Since we'd both had a few drinks, I texted, “U alive?” It wasn’t until later I found it it had autocorrected to “U alone?” when she texted back that she was “creeped out” and “no longer felt safe around me,” and promptly blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445 You deserved it 730

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Iwantahug · 13 August 2022, 14:00

Hello!

Today, I get to see my boyfriend again for the first time in six weeks. Since I’ve come down with Covid, the only real difference it makes with our virtual contact is that now we can wave to each other in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672 You deserved it 138

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Anonymous · 13 August 2022, 06:00

Never enough

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend complaining that I don't help with the chores, I secretly took a day off work to deal with some that were piling up. When she got home, all she could do was complain about how I hadn't done more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 325 You deserved it 292

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Anonymous · 12 August 2022, 22:00

Nurture vs. Nature

Today, and since forever, my boyfriend has a twin brother. His girlfriend is now pregnant and he was ecstatic. I'm also pregnant but my boyfriend is acting like it’s the end of the world, and has been either drunk or hungover since I told him. So much for twins being alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071 You deserved it 359

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ConsideringPlasticSurgery · 12 August 2022, 16:00

Body positivity denied

Today, and for the 6th time, I sent a potential suitor a full body picture. I usually get ghosted or called a plethora of fatshaming names. This time around the guy told me, “Wow. I’d kill myself if I had that body.” I’ve been single for 4 years and no matter how hard I try to find love, this happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 079 You deserved it 396

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I'mmessedup · 12 August 2022, 04:00 ·Cedar Falls, United States

Healthy marriage

Today, I was told I should try treating my wife the way she treats me when I seek out her affection, so she can see how bad it hurts. Not only could I never do that to her, but that would require her attempting to show me even the simplest form of affection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019 You deserved it 163

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cuz803 · 12 August 2022, 00:00 🌶️ Spicy

On a promise

Today, after two and a half years of being single, I locked eyes with a cute girl. We were the same height at 6'1 so we joked that if we had a baby, it'd be huge. After some flirting, roughhousing, and making out, she gave me her number, and told me to bring condoms to her place. Then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 696 You deserved it 390

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Anonymous · 11 August 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Kinky

Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253 You deserved it 551

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Jennij717 · 11 August 2022, 10:00

Lemon law

Today, I moved several states to start a life with my boyfriend. It would've been nice to know he was cheating before buying a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161 You deserved it 208

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anonymous · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·San Francisco, United States

Whatever floats your boat

Today, I went on a first date. I didn't know that licking my neck was on the agenda. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 319 You deserved it 3 644

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Anonymous · 11 August 2022, 06:00

Denial

Today, my wife is mad because some kid in a store offered her the seniors' discount and she got offended. I had to tell her she’s 66 years-old and is actually entitled to that discount, so she should calm the hell down. She’s not spoken to me in over 24 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380 You deserved it 158

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Anonymous · 11 August 2022, 02:00 ·Garson, Canada

A few moments later…

Today, I saw my first FML I published on Facebook. Everyone was bashing me, thinking that I was the problem and the cause for my ex-boyfriend wanting to do his own thing. I used to sit in his room being ignored for days straight while he gamed. Not once did I bitch about his gaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 269 You deserved it 361

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Anonymous · 10 August 2022, 10:00 🌶️ Spicy

Freak out

Today, we got on the plane for our honeymoon and her parents were on the same damn plane, going to the same spa resort, in the room next door, and my wife has the nerve to tell me it was a coincidence. How we supposed to get our sexy freak on, sharing a bedroom wall with her repressed mother? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793 You deserved it 210

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Juan Venada · 10 August 2022, 02:00 ·Ciudad De México, Mexico

Egg mode?

Today, I'm a 35 year-old man, and I'm moving in with my girlfriend soon. I have two options, get rid of all my lingerie, or tell her I love to wear it underneath my regular clothes, garter, and stockings included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494 You deserved it 1 180

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hystcheria · 9 August 2022, 22:00 ·Fredericksburg, United States

Injury meet insult

Today, I shattered my ankle while mountain biking with my boyfriend. As I lay writhing on the ground, waiting for the ambulance, he traced the outline of my thigh and said, "You should get this suctioned out while you're in the hospital." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153 You deserved it 162

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Anonymous · 8 August 2022, 10:00 ·Garson, Canada

A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He said it was because he wanted to 'do his own thing'. So gaming 24/7 like he has for the past two years of our relationship, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820 You deserved it 224

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Anonymous · 7 August 2022, 14:00 ·Preston, United Kingdom

Which side are you on?

Today, I can officially say my parents spend more time with my cheating ex than me. Today is Sunday, and since Monday they have visited her on 4 days, leaving three days for me to see them, but on two of those days I had work, so I have visited my own parents once this week, while they saw her 4 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878 You deserved it 154

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Anonymous · 7 August 2022, 10:00

High value male

Today, my boyfriend has been fired from Amazon, rejected by the army, deactivated from Uber, and quit his fast food job. He also proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970 You deserved it 368

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Anonymous · 7 August 2022, 04:00 ·Australia

Happily married

Today, I read an FML about a garter toss. It made me remember my own garter toss. None of the guys at the wedding wanted to catch it, and visibly cringed at the idea of touching it. Ten years later, it's all been downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831 You deserved it 217

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Alexander · 7 August 2022, 02:00

Mr Commitment

Today, my ex is calling everyone I know, telling them I ruined her life. I'm not built for serious relationships, I was very open with her about that, the moment stuff gets serious I freak out, yet she chased me at every stage, then blamed me when I couldn't handle her demands for serious commitment, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973 You deserved it 504

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Anonymous · 7 August 2022, 00:00

Just you wait!

Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186 You deserved it 249

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Anonymous · 5 August 2022, 14:00

Wedding bells

Today, and up until now, I was dating a sweet farmer's daughter, then I put a ring on it, and now I’m engaged to the bride of Chucky. She's pulled wedding magazines out of places I’ve never seen, and has called every female relative she has, twice. Send help, and beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798 You deserved it 935

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Anonymous · 5 August 2022, 04:00

The Force is jealous in this one

Today, my ex-girlfriend has been nothing but nice about our separation, and I’ve been slowly removing my stuff from her house, until she found out I have a new girlfriend just a few tiny years younger than her. She ran over my box of replica lightsabers with her work van. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753 You deserved it 1 515

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·Israel

Tonight, on First Dates…

Today, I went on a date with a woman. She brought along her stuffed rabbit, and introduced us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 540 You deserved it 4 993

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CheeseMakesMeFart · 4 August 2022, 12:00 ·United States

Narcissistic parenting

Today, my parents kept on trying to create drama in my long-distance relationship,and telling me that my life is a mess. But when I tell them they played a huge part in my crippling anxiety, they change the topic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922 You deserved it 144

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Double standards · 3 August 2022, 16:00

Trad wife double standard goals

Today, my husband has been out partying all night. While my in-laws didn't ask him a single question, earlier I received more than six calls from them about when I'll be home to cook and clean. Where was I? In the office for the first time after working from home for past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108 You deserved it 119

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Anonymous · 3 August 2022, 10:00

Up to no good, sonny Jim ?

Today, I went to the dentist in the same building my wife works. I decided to leave a love note on her car to surprise her. I'm currently being held by security, waiting on the cops, on suspicion of stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082 You deserved it 166

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Anonymous · 3 August 2022, 04:00

Slippery

Today, my husband is so desperate to not spend time with my parents that on my dad's birthday he claimed he forgot and booked a trip to the dentist, and now for their anniversary he's pulled the same trick again and booked this year's prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968 You deserved it 290

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Heart.Broken.Yet.Again · 1 August 2022, 12:00

Unboyfriendable

Today, after years of crushing on numerous straight guys, I now like a really close friend who is also gay. Too bad, he has already elaborated how perfect I am, but definitely not someone he could like or date. Seems I would have to move on yet again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878 You deserved it 279

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