Today, after two and a half years of being single, I locked eyes with a cute girl. We were the same height at 6'1 so we joked that if we had a baby, it'd be huge. After some flirting, roughhousing, and making out, she gave me her number, and told me to bring condoms to her place. Then I woke up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up in a girl's bed, who I've had a crush on for two years. She was sleeping on the floor with someone else. FML
Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML
Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML
Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been flirting with for months. Immediately after, he gave me the "let's just be friends" speech then left for work, accidentally locking me in his apartment. I had to call his ex-girlfriend to come let me out. She smirked. FML
Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of two years called and proposed to her. FML
Today, I finally got the guts to ask out my crush. She said yes and I was really happy. Then I woke up. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Go to her house and play it off like all that really happened. Maybe she'll be caught so off guard, you'll get some action and start on that giant baby of yours.
Yudith 28
I can see the Tinder ad: 6'1'' guy looking for his own Brienne of Tarth so I can finally see eye to eye with my beloved. Will you be the Fiona to my Shrek?
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Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
Go to her house and play it off like all that really happened. Maybe she'll be caught so off guard, you'll get some action and start on that giant baby of yours.
Yudith 28
I can see the Tinder ad: 6'1'' guy looking for his own Brienne of Tarth so I can finally see eye to eye with my beloved. Will you be the Fiona to my Shrek?
cuz803 46
This comment wins
SirEnigM0nk 22
Well done!