Anonymous · 8 July 2022, 18:00 ·United States

Fool me once…

Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 8 July 2022, 00:00

Bridezilla

Today, my fiancée is a Marvel fan, and insists her wedding ring be made of Palladium, the stuff that powers Iron Man’s heart. A ring in the style she wants costs almost £1000 and we are not wealthy, the budget for the entire wedding is only £4000, but she insists or she won’t marry me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 824 You deserved it 386

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Anonymous · 7 July 2022, 22:00

Come on, man

Today, I realized my boyfriend is more tough to deal with than any customer at my call center job, because all I do when I talk to him is use de-escalation and sympathization techniques used when customers are upset or angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959 You deserved it 204

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DianneS · 7 July 2022, 10:00

Facebook official means it's serious

Today, I had the displeasure of watching my boyfriend’s Facebook go from “In a relationship” with me to “Single”, then switched to a big “In a relationship with” the girl he told me was “just a friend” post, after ending our 5-year relationship over text message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205 You deserved it 120

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Anonymous · 6 July 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Time flies

Today, my husband asked if we could have more sex, because we spend every day together, but if he wanted celibacy, he’d have stayed single and spent time with his friends. He then pulled out a diary proving we’ve only had sex twice this year. I was completely unaware it was so infrequent. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427 You deserved it 2 568

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Anonymous · 6 July 2022, 02:00

The struggle is real

Today, after my girlfriend of a year got accidentally pregnant, we were discussing it, and she only just now revealed she thinks vaccines are an evil conspiracy between hospitals and drug companies, and she’s carrying my baby. The next 18 years with this mad woman are not going to go well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823 You deserved it 721

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

So romantic

Today, I realized the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because he has a pimple fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 343 You deserved it 5 367

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wrongdecisions · 5 July 2022, 16:00

This needs clarification

Today, some guy I’ve been talking to showed up at my house while I was on video call with my boyfriend. I had to confess to a stupid situation I had no business being in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166 You deserved it 1 804

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Anonymous · 4 July 2022, 22:00

Read the room

Today, my longtime coworker confessed that she's always been in love with me, and now that I'm finally single again she wants to start a relationship. The reason I'm "finally single again" is because my wife (who I had been with for 27 years) died last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 172 You deserved it 108

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ForeverAlone I guess · 4 July 2022, 02:00 ·Dallas, United States

No hope

Today, after reading and listening to stories about cheating and failed relationships, I realized that my infatuation for a coworker has begun to dwindle. I don't think I'm psychologically strong enough to recover a failed relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 559 You deserved it 294

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Panic

Today, for the first time in years, I worked up the nerve to ask a work friend if they wanted to hang out sometime. They winced, and said they were busy that day. I hadn't specified a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 819 You deserved it 481

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kiwi023 · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Tense

Today, I spent an hour cleaning my already-clean house to avoid any form of conversation with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 553 You deserved it 28 587

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Anonymous · 2 July 2022, 00:00

Classic prank

Today, I have such crippling low self-esteem that when a girl from my class asked me out, I was instantly convinced she couldn’t actually be interested in me and must be setting me up for some sort of nasty prank, so I told her I wasn’t going to fall for it and to fuck off. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441 You deserved it 1 627

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creepy af · 1 July 2022, 18:00 ·United States

Territorial

Today, I asked my girlfriend to wait at my new place for some furniture to be delivered. When I got the notification on my phone, I checked the cameras and saw her pressing her sweaty armpits against multiple surfaces. When confronted, she said she was using pheromones to “mark her territory.” WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 183 You deserved it 226

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Anonymous · 1 July 2022, 16:00

What logic is that?

Today, my parents lectured me on whether it was a good idea to let my girlfriend stay at the home of her ex boyfriend… and his husband. I’m 44 and trust her. My parents didn’t trust this logic and doubled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797 You deserved it 325

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Anonymous · 30 June 2022, 22:00

So happy together…

Today, at a bar, a drunk girl kissed me, so I went home and confessed what happened to my girlfriend. She forgave me but took it as permission to admit she’s cheated sexually at least once a month for over a year, then got mad I didn’t immediately forgive her like she forgave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307 You deserved it 157

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Anonymous · 30 June 2022, 12:00

You better watch out…

Today, a boy asked me out, and I immediately learned just how much it stinks to have 4 overprotective rugby player older brothers, an overprotective marine corps dad, and an overprotective two-star general grandfather. As a bonus, mom is an overprotective police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228 You deserved it 154

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Whyme · 30 June 2022, 06:00

Surprise!

Today, I went on a date with my a man I’ve been seeing at a restaurant. I went to use the restroom. When I came back, he and my purse were gone. He won’t answer my phone calls or texts, and he blocked me on Instagram. I’ve been ghosted and robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338 You deserved it 261

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Anonymous · 29 June 2022, 16:00 🌶️ Spicy

Appeal to nature

Today, I dumped my boyfriend for cheating on me and he actually asked if we weren’t dating could we still have sex, as a FWB type of thing. I blame his mother, she must have done something to screw him up, there’s no way idiocy like his occurs naturally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048 You deserved it 273

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Flipper_87 · 29 June 2022, 04:00

God laughs

Today, my girlfriend, who I’ve been madly in love with for 18 months, left me for some guy she met two weeks ago. I was planning to propose to her next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 081 You deserved it 148

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Amy · 28 June 2022, 06:00 🌶️ Spicy

Nice guy

Today, three weeks after I gave birth to a stillborn, my now ex-husband told me he’s leaving me for his pregnant coworker. It’s his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 173 You deserved it 164

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Anonymous · 27 June 2022, 22:00

Probably not

Today, I realized that I divorced my husband of 36 years and took up with a new man, just be in exactly the same situation I was in before. Will I never learn? FML

I agree, your life sucks 297 You deserved it 1 379

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Anonymous · 27 June 2022, 10:00 ·United States

Psycho

Today, I came home early to find my (now ex) girlfriend having a screaming argument with my son, because he caught her trying to burn pictures of my late wife. I'm back to being single, but at least I can be proud of my son for standing up to her (he's usually very timid). Can't believe I was dating that psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557 You deserved it 136

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Anonymous · 27 June 2022, 06:00

Recipe for disaster

Today, my ex-boyfriend asked me for emotional support because his crazy new girlfriend hit him in the face over a text of mine. Fuck his life, as I was only asking for his mum's ravioli recipe, but I'm a little surprised he's already on vacation with the new girl just two weeks after our break-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993 You deserved it 171

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Anonymous · 27 June 2022, 04:00 🌶️ Spicy

Oddly specific

Today, I overheard my girlfriend admit to her sister she likes sex in the dark not because she’s embarrassed of her body, but because she’s disgusted by mine. She loves me, enjoys sex with me, and wants to make me happy, but apparently my tattoos and hairy chest are a turn off, so no lights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694 You deserved it 452

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Anonymous · 26 June 2022, 22:00

The Rock

Today, my bodybuilder boyfriend has been cheating on me, so I slapped him. He has such huge shoulder/neck muscle stuff, his head didn’t even move, and I dislocated 2 fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616 You deserved it 1 054

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thesparrow · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Because I said so

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 192 You deserved it 2 458

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eff that asshole! · 26 June 2022, 00:01

Stand up for yourself

Today, I overheard my mom’s boyfriend viciously berating and verbally abusing her. I got in his face and started yelling that he can’t talk to her that way. He stormed out and we haven’t heard from him since. Now my mom is pissed and wants to kick me out for “ruining” her relationship. Sorry I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662 You deserved it 131

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Anonymous · 25 June 2022, 12:00

Crushed

Today, I found out that my crush and best friend dumped her boyfriend, and she has been sexting two of our male friends who are married, with kids, and has started hooking up with a meth head. Guess I'm losing a lot of friends in the future… FML

I agree, your life sucks 830 You deserved it 169

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anon · 25 June 2022, 02:00 ·United States

Pot meet kettle

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight because I bought two new makeup palettes. He ranted that I have too much already, it all looks the same, and that I’m a hoarder. Last month he threatened to break up with me for throwing out condiments that were two years past their expiration dates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169 You deserved it 255

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