Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML
Today, my school brought in therapy dogs to help with stress. I was attacked by one of them. FML
Today, my roommates adopted two kittens without consulting me. We're not allowed to have pets in our apartment and I'm severely allergic to cats. Oh well, it's not like I needed to be able to breathe this summer. FML
Today, as I woke up, the first thing I saw was a bee on my hand. I tried not to make the slightest move, waiting for it to fly away without stinging me. The second thing I saw was my cat jumping at it. FML
Today, while working at the vet, we had a familiar little dog show up for a minor procedure. The dog always sits on its owner's lap on the drive over, and always gets peed on. Not talking about dog pee. And we're not allowed to bathe it because that service costs extra. FML
Today, while staying at my mother-in-law's house, I came back from a family gathering to find that her dogs had ruined my laptop charger. This is after she assured me I didn't have to worry about them doing it. FML
CrazyTrainWreck tells us more.
OP here: 1. To the gentleman (or gentlewoman, didn't bother to check) who said I stole her little boy, no that would be girl. So yeah there is that. 2. I don't hate my mother-in-law nor does she hate me. Hell her family treats me better than my own. Now let me get on with the back story: We we're out there (in Texas from Arizona) due to my Mother-in-law getting remarried. We got a call that one of my in-laws was broken down and needed help, so I got up to help. I asked my mother-in-law if she could put my laptop and charger away. She told me I didn't have to worry, the dogs wouldn't chew it up etc but she would put it up. It's not a big deal apart from the fact they live in a small town in Texas and it's a bit of a drive to get to a store with new cords. With wedding preparations and all that, wasn't an option right away to get a new one. Hope that clears up some confusion though I'm sure I just created more. (Also this is my first posted FML, yay)
Today, I learned that our cats love to knock over glasses and cups, particularly if they have liquid in them. The latest victim of their antics? My expensive computer keyboard. FML
Today, I went to explore a beach that was rumoured to have big crabs on it instead of the usual small tide pool crabs. I found out that the rumours were true went I went to flip over a rock, which was in fact not a rock. I now have to explain to a doctor how I ended up needing stitches again. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch when my cat decided that the top of my head was the perfect height to use as a springboard to get up to the cat climbing tree. She had her claws out for traction. FML
AkaiKitsune tells us more.
AkaiKitsune 32
They're not really my cats, I inherited them from my mother who spoiled them rotten. I'm more of a dog person. Well, I've got three big dogs so that's kinda obvious
Today, a water snake slithered into our pool. He can have it. FML
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
Today, my 7-month pitbull chewed up a framed picture of my parents and another framed picture of my other pitbull. Maybe he's mad I don't have any pictures of him framed yet? FML
Today, my dog left his very loud and obnoxious squeaky stuffed-toy in the paddock and my horse got a hold of it. My horse won't stop and I can't get it away from him. It's been 6 hours and the noise hasn't stopped yet. It also shows no signs of doing so any time soon. FML
AkaiKitsune tells us more.
AkaiKitsune 32
To the person who asked why I got such a loud toy for the dog. He likes to take off with his toys to the woods nearby and the loud noise helps me find him again when he's playing taunt the human (otherwise known as keep-away) To the person who said I saw the rubber chicken video and copied it. First that was a rubber chicken my dog has a squeaky sheep stuffed toy. You can find them in pet stores. The horse from the video was grabbing it and shaking his head up and down to get the sound. Mine was using a compilation of biting, dropping it and stomping, and throwing it around. Needless to say the toy is well and thoroughly destroyed. My other horse just got freaked out and ran circles around the paddock.
Today, my friend is furious with me because while I was watching her various fish for two weeks, I failed to feed her favorite fish and it died. The reason I didn't take care of it was because she never told me she had it, that it was in her room unlike the rest of the fish, so I never saw it. FML
Today, my horse discovered that if he pushed the bottom of his water bucket up, it would empty itself outside the stall, right on top of me. I had just bent down to put the grooming supplies back in my bag on the ground just outside the stall. I have a lesson in 5 minutes and my white shirt is now see-through. FML
AkaiKitsune tells us more.
AkaiKitsune 32
Yes, my horse is a bit of a... character at times. For those whose said I shouldn't be wearing white, there was a show next door that I was debating on going to and it was a hot day. So I was wearing my lightweight white dress shirt. Too hot for the jacket. If I had fallen off I wouldn't have bothered with the show. It was just a small barn show anyway. But I thought it might be a good warm up to show season. I would have done my lesson on my Perlino Andalusian stud, then switched to my beautiful black Arabian mare for the show so as to not overheat either of them. If I hadn't gone for a short ride that day the pair would have been a nightmare to handle the next. The downside of having a preference for hotbloods. That's alright, I got him back today by bringing him to the beach and using him for pony rides for the kids. He knows not to act up around the children. Though he had the most put-out expression on his face. Like somehow playing pony was beneath him... Mind he did get me back for that by dumping me into a blackberry bush the next day.
Today, my neighbor let me know that they've been taking care of my cats while I was away, including letting them in and out of my house. I don't own a cat. FML
Today, just like any other day, I came home from work to find all my cabinets opened, my couch cushions on the floor, my sink drain filled with items, my shoes scattered all over my apartment, etc. I thought I was adopting a kitten, but it turns out it was actually the Antichrist. FML
Mfisher394 tells us more.
OP here. He is about 6 months old now, so not exactly a "kitten" anymore, but still. He is honestly the weirdest kitten I've ever had. He eats everything, opens all my kitchen & bathroom cabinets, somehow throws all my couch cushions on the floor, puts things in my sink & toilet, climbs up my walls, jumps inside my inclosed shower then knocks everything down inside, jumps on top of my flat screen and walks across the top, eats my hair in my sleep, and attacks everyone who comes into my house that isn't me. I have an slightly older cat (1y 6m) who had a stroke and now has some brain damage, and she thinks he is the weirdest thing ever! Lol! Luckily they get along well! I love him to death, but I was totally unaware of what I was getting into. Ha!
Today, I saw a dead ant. It made me think about how brief and fragile life is, why we're all here, and whether it has a point. It was a piece of lint. FML
Today, I was woken up from a dead sleep because a bug had fallen into my ear. I could hear it moving around in there, and it took me an hour with a blade of grass in my ear to get it to climb its way back out. FML
ErinShannon tells us more.
ErinShannon 27
OP here, I freaked out the first few minutes and was like " DAD THERE IS A ******* BUG IN MY EAR WHAT DO I DO?!?! " and kept trying to dig it out. So I googled " what to do when a bug falls into you ear. " top suggestion was to not stick anything ( like fingers ) in there to get it out because you could push it further in and to get some grass so the bug can climb onto something it knows to escape. So thats what I did. If I had of kept looking there were probably easier ways but at the time I was worried it would go deeper or something. It is the grossest, weirdest sounding and feeling I have ever experienced. Especially since whatever it was, it had wings and was trying to fly inside my damn ear. Banging ones head against a pillow while laying down doesnt help either, just made it make more noise. Thanks for all comments saying I was brave. Haha.
Today, my kid felt bad that our cat didn't get an Easter egg hunt at Easter so he has hidden sardines around the house for her to find. The house reeks and I don't know how many are left to find. FML
Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML
Today, my sister told me she is getting married and asked me to be the Co-Maid of Honor. Who is the first maid of honor? Her cat. She is serious. FML
Today, I haven't been able to sleep for two nights due to cows mooing loudly somewhere nearby. I recently left the country to stay in the city. Which apparently has a higher cow population than my country home. FML
ErinShannon tells us more.
ErinShannon 27
OP here, I'm not exactly sure why the hell they keep mooing. There is also a Rooster that likes to go off. I techinally don't live there ( visiting and staying with my Mum ) so I went back home to the country and it was magical, silence. No random cows.
Today, it was the first sunny spring day that I had off from work. I spent the morning making a picnic lunch and took my girlfriend to a beautiful spot overlooking the lake. I did not count on a bird flying by with perfect poop aim as soon as we spread out the food. FML
Today, my dog was diagnosed with a torn ACL. This costs $1500-$2500 to treat. Three months ago, he had heart worms. That cost $1400 to treat. I adopted this dog from a shelter four months ago to help relieve some of my stress and anxiety. I don't feel any less stressed or anxious. FML
Today, I'm sitting at the vet's office while they run expensive tests on my cat. This is to make sure he doesn't have a bowel obstruction from eating the condom that my partner and I used last night. FML
Today, I was playing music from my phone, which was on the couch. I guess my dog got jealous, because she picked it up and ran over to the toilet, promptly dropping it right in. FML
Today, my cat thanked me for buying her a new litterbox by peeing in all of my plants. FML
Today, I went out to get some medication and left my dog in the house because it was raining. When I returned, I found the tattered remains of video game cases scattered all over my living room floor. Most of them were limited editions that I'd been borrowing from my brother. FML
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