Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my multitool are quite good at getting rid of a shit-stained shirttail. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while at work, I had to poop. While wiping, I somehow managed to get the back tail of my shirt in between my butthole and the toilet paper, effectively wiping my ass with my white dress shirt. FML
Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I was looking for a moustache comb, couldn't find it anywhere. Then I noticed it in a basket by the toilet with scissors. My wife's been using it to trim her pubes. FML
Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML
Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the free tampon bin for some sucker to grab. That sucker was me. FML
Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML
Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML
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Top comments
Lobby_Bee 18
In the future, remember to take off your shirt before you use it to wipe your ass with it, or carry extra Kleenex with you.
RichardPencil 32
Too bad you didn’t spring for the deluxe version of the multi-tool that includes a butt plug. You coulda saved your shirt!
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Comments (7)
RichardPencil 32
Too bad you didn’t spring for the deluxe version of the multi-tool that includes a butt plug. You coulda saved your shirt!
Lobby_Bee 18
In the future, remember to take off your shirt before you use it to wipe your ass with it, or carry extra Kleenex with you.
Inkoseh 33
This doesn't make any sense, he doesn't want more shit on it, he wants no shit at all. Nice try though!
ProperPengTing 15
Nothing healthy about any
EnvyMe33 26
If you quit ******** your pants then you wouldn’t have this happen to you
Glowworm56 27
I'll admit that when I first read this FML, I thought "multitool" was some kind of innuendo.
sweetbliss3 37
uhh. you're how old and don't know how to wipe your ass yet?