Today, I found out that my best friend's psycho ex-girlfriend has been stalking me on social media for the past few months, when she contacted me asking why I was holding hands with him in a picture from over two years ago. FML
Today, I had a lady come up to me in a store just to tell me how bad my acne was and what remedies I should use. I got so embarrassed, all I could say was, "OK" and, "Thank you" until she left me alone. FML
Today, my boss praised me for always ranking first at work and how she hopes I keep it up for a long time. I then had to awkwardly hand her my letter of resignation. FML
HappyItalian tells us more.
HappyItalian 38
When she told me this it was at the end of the work day so I had no other choice but to give it to her at that moment because my shift was over. This job was in retail and this particular store ranks all their employees together from all of their stores across Southern Ontario. I only worked there for a couple of months and it was my first job, so my coworkers grew to take advantage of me or try to stop my sales (yes, they found a way), so that's why I quit. To those of you saying I should've gotten a letter of recommendation: my boss no longer works there and has been replaced by one of those said coworkers! Oh well.
Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML
Today, I overheard my mom talking to a friend on the phone. What caught my attention was when she said, "You ever look at your kid and just think... 'Fuck. Where'd I go wrong?'" FML
Today, I had to slowly explain to my slightly ditzy roommate that no, I will not grow testicles due to taking testosterone supplements. FML
Today, I waited 7 hours for my mom to come home and give me my computer back. 15 minutes after she got home, I remembered that I had hidden my computer myself so she wouldn't take it. FML
IntrepidPig tells us more.
IntrepidPig 21
Hi guys. I have some explaining to do. First off, she thought she had taken my computer as well. She was looking for it when she got home, trying to remember where she put it. Now, when she got home, I decided to put my pajamas on. As I went in my clothes drawer, I wondered if I would hide it there, then I decided I would hide it behind my bookshelf instead. This triggered a memory of me deciding not to hide it behind my bookshelf because it would be too perfect, thus too obvious. I then remembered where I hid it, walked over with such a feeling of idiocy, and found it. I completely deserved this
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to clean our apartment, and then we went out to grab a bite to eat. When we returned, I found a baby's sock in the middle of the floor. Neither of us have a baby, and nobody we know does either. Now I'm just waiting for the doll-themed nightmares tonight. FML
Squeepy tells us more.
Hey guys, OP here! :) So, good news everyone! I'm not dead (yet). Though I almost died laughing at these comments, thanks for making my day! :D I do believe that there is a logical explanation for this odd occurrence. We do have a communal laundry room in my apartment, as many of you have suggested. The strange thing is, we live in a building that only has 8 apartments, and none of us have babies or young children. And I was not doing laundry that day at all, nor do I recall seeing the sock before we left, which was in a very noticeable spot on the floor. I saw it immediately upon our return. Soooooooo ghosts. It's definitely ghosts. *DUN DUN DUUUUUUN* The plot thickens.
Today, I spent 2 hours slaving over a hot stove to make my kids the perfect dinner. They both came home with Happy Meals in their hands. FML
xSusanGeex tells us more.
xSusanGeex 15
Actually i am not. I say slaving because i have gas burners which everyone knows heats up the kitchen real quick.
Today, the nerves for my finals got so bad that I started stress-cleaning in my dream. FML
Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML
Today, my sister got me in deep trouble at the store I worked security for. She "dropped by to say hi" and stole a bunch of things when I wasn't looking. I wasn't arrested, due to lack of any evidence. But my boss didn't care about evidence and fired me anyway. FML
Today, after staying up late all week to get work done, I arrived at my job having accomplished all my goals. In my sleep-deprived stupor, I completely forgot to bring the briefcase that had all of the evidence of that hard work. FML
Today, my 4-year-old brother has a very strict 8:30 PM bedtime. Since I would have to walk past his door to get to the rest of the house, I'm not allowed to leave my room past that time, lest I tempt him to get up too. I can't even go to the bathroom. FML
Today, I proudly told my family I lost 15 pounds. My dad looked me up and down and said, "Well, you've got a looooong way to go." FML
Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked, "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML
Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML
Today, I got a ticket for driving without insurance. I gave the cop my insurance information, but he said it was invalid because it didn't show an expiration date. When I pointed out the information he was looking for, he ignored me and gave me a ticket anyway. FML
Today, I found out that my violent ex has moved to my country for the sole purpose of tracking me down. I know this because my former boss called and told me she gave him my address. She loves the idea of us getting back together because, "You're such a cute couple!" FML
Today, while driving, a spider crawled onto my gearstick. Not being afraid of them, I casually flicked it off. Onto the person sitting next to me. The person evaluating me for my driving test at the time, who happened to be arachnophobic. FML
Today, like everyday, I got on the train heading back from my university campus in Preston. Usually, it takes 20 minutes. When I sat down, I realised it was a non-stop service to Glasgow and the doors had closed. It took me 7 hours by train and a lift from my best friend at 2 a.m. to get home. FML
Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML
Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML
Today, nearing the end of my pregnancy, I went to a local pool. While attempting to swim on my stomach, I turned a little to the left, and buoyancy took over and I ended up belly-up and flailing, causing a very large man to then laugh so hard, he choked. FML
ciammmm tells us more.
ciammmm 11
This comment made me laugh incredibly hard. Thank you.
Today, my family is flying to Hawaii for a longed-for holiday. Well, my husband and children are; I'm in a hospital bed awaiting surgery on kidney stones that I never knew I had. Hopefully they'll send me a postcard. FML
Drover7 tells us more.
Drover7 3
I am the OP and wish to thank everyone for their well wishes and kindness. Bit of an update: I have an infection in both kidneys so they can't yet remove the big 7mm stone that is stuck half way. Surgeons put in a stent and my pain filled hazy brain decided I just wanted to be with family so I stupidly boarded a plane to Hawaii! Now I am writhing about in a hotel bed (with a beautiful view of Waikiki and Diamond Head) and still ruining my family's holiday. I didn't realise how serious my condition was when I assured my husband that if he got on the plane I would follow a day later so it's all my fault. I've made a shitty situation even worse. FML
Today, $1,000 were stolen from a deposit box to which only I and a coworker have access. I was so nervous during my interrogation that the cop said he had no doubt I was the one who stole the money. I had nothing to do with it. FML
cats1234 tells us more.
cats1234 15
Op here, I do not work at a bank, I work at a bong shop the keeps the money we deposit in the bank in a safe, which only pays a little above minimum wage, they do have cameras but I don't know if the RCMP looked at the footage or not. The RCMP are taking it very seriously and whoever is responsible is going to be charged I just hope they are able to catch the person who really did it. I am certainly not going to replace money I did not take, but more so I would not want the record that goes with it. I don't know if they can charge me without evidence. I didn't know how to respond to some of the things the cop was saying which is what made me nervous (I have pretty bad anxiety). He said I stole the money because I am in a bit of hard times and Easter was coming up and there is no way to track cash, I told him I didn't even buy one piece of chocolate for Easter never mind $1000 worth and the only hard time I'm having is, having my pay withheld because of this situation, which wasn't a good enough answer for the cop. It's hard to prove my innocence because I was the one who found the money missing in the first place, $35 missing from the til and reported it to my manager who said it was probably just a mistake, and to check my coworkers deposit in the safe for the missing money, when I opened it there was only $4.15 when it was supposed to be $350 so I reported that and they came to the conclusion it must be my fault because, their words "I was the last person to see the money" but it was already gone when I got there. Then a week later I did my deposit for the day and put it into the box the next day my coworker said all that was left when she went to the bank was around $10 when it was supposed to be around $400, then my manger decided we take our own deposits home with us and deposit to the bank on our days off which fixed the money going missing problem, but then on Easter Sunday after I closed at around 6:15 and took home my deposit someone went into the store at night and used the alarm code that was just reset a few days before to stop the alarm from going off only me and the other girl know the code, I am pretty sure they didn't take any money that time just broke a bunch of pipes and bongs which is strange. My theory is maybe my coworker didn't know if I would take my deposit home and went to look for it. Guess I'll just have to wait and see!
Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML
Today, my old boss stiffed me on a large sum of money he owes me. I tried to contact him and point out that he legally owes me the money, but he won't answer his texts or his phone, and the managers say he changes the subject whenever they bring it up. FML
Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML
Today, as a reward for starting to eating healthy, I got the squits at work. After going to the restroom, my stall didn't have toilet paper, the other two stalls didn't have any either. My boss definitely noticed too when he walked in on me with my pants around my ankles. FML
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