Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML
Today, I spent a lot of money buying a birthday gift for a close friend, only to find out I'm not even invited to the party. FML
Today, my only friend got banned from my house, all because she kissed her boyfriend in front of me. I'm 16, but apparently I can't handle seeing a kiss. FML
Today, the guy I buy weed from invited me to have Easter dinner with his family, since I've nowhere else to go. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's after over a week of feeling extremely tired and having headaches. His advice? "When I'm tired I drink coffee. You should drink coffee." Somehow, I don't think that was worth $60. FML
Today, I explained to my five year-old son that the dinosaurs were wiped out because of a meteorite that hit our planet. He replied, "They should've stood out of the way." FML
Today, I discovered my cat is bathroom shy when I accidentally walked in on him relieving himself. He jumped about 3 feet in the air and bolted out, launching feces and pee all over the bathroom, hallway, and my shoes. FML
Today, my brother and I got food poisoning because of the shady chicken subs we ate last night. Our mom thinks we're faking it and sent us to school anyway. I'm coming to you live from a school toilet while missing a test. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he's convinced wearing boxer briefs instead of panties makes me a lesbian. FML
Today, I managed to have 17 different nosebleeds throughout the most important job interview of my life. I managed to bleed all over my own suit, my résumé, the carpet, and the corridor leading to the bathroom. FML
Today, I was taking the train home from another unsuccessful job interview. As I was sitting there, I felt the urge to yawn, but before I could raise my hand to cover my mouth some guy stuck his finger in it. FML
Today, I found out that people know when you're screenshooting their snaps on Snapchat, by the guy I have a crush on, asking me why I keep doing it. FML
Today, I was emailing a government employee at the place I'm hoping to get hired by. I realized too late I had been emailing her with my personal email address, which is rather jokey and unprofessional. She noticed and started referring to me as that. FML
Today, for some reason that is unknown to me, I accidentally referred to my girlfriend as "my ex-girlfriend." To her face. Needless to say, my statement became true afterwards. FML
Today, I found out that my mom has been deliberately forgetting to help me practice my driving. It's not because the insurance will go up once I pass the test, she doesn't want my 14 year-old sister to feel left behind. FML
Today, an old guy with a cane got up in my face for "mocking" the way he walked. In retrospect, I guess it is pretty offensive for me to have had knee surgery and still be recovering from it. My apologies. FML
Today, my acne reached a new low. Literally. I'm now getting bright red pimples on my penis. FML
Today, my dog hates my neighbor so much, she forms a shit barrier in their yard to keep them away from my house. FML
gabimk23 tells us more.
gabimk23 13
Well, it all started a couple months ago when the girl was living with a different man, they blasted music at 3 am and would tempt my dog with treats. One day I came home and there was a bunch of police cars in front of the house, apparently they were cooking meth and they got arrested. When she got bailed out 3 months later she moved in that house with another man, and ever since my dog goes outside barks at the house, and ***** in their yard. She hates them so much she tries to bark at them if she just sees them in the window. Maybe they gave her a bad treat idk.
Today, my stepmother started talking to me after a month of the silent treatment. When I asked her what I had done wrong, she replied, "Nothing, but do you know that feeling when you look at someone and you just want to choke them?" FML
Today, I was driving to work and I got a text from my girlfriend. She said she was breaking up with me. I was a little heartbroken, but I had to get on with my day. I got to work and my boss fired me. Turns out, my boss and girlfriend have been having an affair and she told him to fire me. FML
Today, while vacationing, a small boy asked to see the baby I was holding, wrapped in a blanket. I showed him, and his face reflexively scrunched up. The boy's mother came and apologized to me. Her face scrunched up too. FML
Today, I wrote my girlfriend a song. She wrote me a 13-page letter on why we should break up. FML
Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML
Today, while away on training with the army, my housemates rang me to tell me some news. They had found a perfect house for next year and they had put an offer on it. The only problem? There are 5 of us and the house is for 4. Guess who hasn't been included. FML
Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML
Today, a man came by with a large drink and sat next to me in the bus terminal. In all his wisdom, he tried setting it between the seats. Naturally, it spilled all over me. I now have to sit with a soaked pair of pants and a wet carry on from Nashville to Atlanta. The bus trip is 5 hours long. FML
Today, I received a letter from an eBay seller for whom I recently left an honest, negative review. I don't know what I was expecting, but I certainly wasn't ready for what spilled out coating my jeans, shoes, and brand new carpet: Glitter. FML
Today, and for the 4 months preceding it, my neighbors had been remodeling their house, which meant jackhammer noises every morning. The one day they take a break, my other neighbor decides to start a remodeling project. It'll only be two more months of this. FML
Today, a classmate accused me of having butt implants because "women can't have a huge ass and pancake tits". FML
Today, I found out about my sister's insanely detailed plan to abduct my one-year-old son and raise him as her own on another continent. All my mom did was tell me not to worry because she can't afford to move that far away. FML
Dnamei tells us more.
Dnamei 20
OP here, made an account so I can answer some questions. My sister is 26, I'm 22. We got along pretty good, untill I met and married my husband and started a family. She lives with my parents, and is in a very bad relationship. When I met my husband, my sis tried to get me grounded (!) and tried to convince my parents not to let me see him. She also tried to blackmail me into not seeing him. She was against the marriage, and cried and screamed when she learned I was pregnant, saying I don't deserve what she doesn't have, claiming it won't be special when she has a baby because she wasn't the first to give my parents grandchildren (my parents don't think that way, they'll love every grandchild). My son is a very sweet and charming little guy, he sleeps through the night, is always happy, eats everything, rarely gets sick, crawls,... He's a very easy baby to care for, and everyone loves him and he loves everyone. The plan I found was in a notebook, while helping my parents clean out the attic. It included my husbands workschedule, and the days my son goes to daycare. Also what my son eats and his medical reccord. Her country of choice is Australia. A few days before this discovery, she asked me if she could take my boy to the zoo, alone. I refuses because he had a slight fever, and I'm very happy I did. My son has a kids-ID, my sister isn't allowed to be alone with him anymore, and I alerted the daycare to NEVER let her take him home. When I confronted her, she said it was just a joke, she was just 'messing with her little sister'. The notebook was hidden in a pile of schoolnotes, if we didn't clean the attic, we'd never know. Sorry for the long text, and sorry for my english. Ps: My dad was close to the airport when the bomb went of, but he didn't get hurt. My family and friends are scared and shaken, but safe. We mourn for the victims
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