Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML
Today, I was stuck in the car with my grandma for an hour as she described to me how she had looked through my great grandma's poop to make sure her calcium pills were being digested. FML
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML
Today, my grandmother helped out by cooking a dish for me. It was so sweet of her, until I ended up having diarrhoea because of it. Now I'm worried to breastfeed my newborn with her food in my system. FML
Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML
Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML
Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML
Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
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Top comments
faeryofshalott 25
Well, now you will be. Doesn't she read the box? If you take laxatives for too long your body won't poop without them.
Kazucchi 6
At least you've never been full of shit. You have that going for you.
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Comments (38)
faeryofshalott 25
Well, now you will be. Doesn't she read the box? If you take laxatives for too long your body won't poop without them.
Jared900DUmpling 30
Wait, seriously? I don't know whether this is a joke or not as I've never had to use laxatives
wow2mylife 25
it's true same with emmas I know because I'm a vet
faeryofshalott 25
#17 it's true. What happens is that after awhile of taking laxatives (depending on strength) your body becomes dependent on the laxatives and so you become more constipated. That's why you're more likely to be prescribed a high fibre diet over a laxative for constipation.
Elena95 16
I know I can't go without Emma. She keeps begging me to stop dragging her to the bathroom when I need to do my business, but what are you gonna do?
coyotefox 25
17 and a vet? Yeah I don't think so.
wow2mylife 25
Okay I'm in a vet school and volunteer at one
Kieranr10 23
How on earth didn't u notice that
tigerisabelle 31
Yes, when I have an upset stomach, I immediately assume someone must be slipping laxatives in my food. That's why i have my pet human taste all my meals for me
Kitcat1234 21
Where'd you get your pet human? Mine's been acting up recently and I'm thinking of getting a replacement. Training them is just so hard.
ShleeG 23
#14 you can't just replace your pet human! that's terrible! if you can't handle your human you don't deserve to have one at all!
izzajaneful 24
Maybe OP does need laxatives if they never noticed anything amiss.
PhantomKitty 26
Obviously they did notice something amiss, because otherwise this wouldn't be on FML.
tigerisabelle 31
#14, I bought him at Costco. I had to sacrifice some quality, but you can't beat the price. Plus, I get 50% off my next purchase!
Xcizer 17
I got my African and German breed at PeoplePets.org. You can get them for 20% off if you use CodeKeem.
izzajaneful 24
The way it was worded ("found out") made me think he caught her adding them or heard about it from someone else, not necessarily that he noticed anything wrong about his bodily functions. Obviously, she should not be secretly drugging him. Doing so over a long period of time may even cause OP to continue to need them.
Altairae 18
Grandmas will be grandmas !
TheKingOfHearts 19
Time for some lax revenge? ;)
Twisted_Killjoy 23
Laxatives are a slippery slope...
Twisted_Killjoy 23
I wouldn't want to get stuck in a shitty situation like that...
Tripartita 45
Doesn't seem like getting stuck would be an issue.
Kazucchi 6
At least you've never been full of shit. You have that going for you.
gracehi 33
And going... and going... and going.
Cbnotme 20
Actually he used to be, as a child
SimplySaraya 9
Call me crazy, but I don't think that's how it works
james_logan 19
Hi Crazy
domolovesyoshi 33
Nice to meet you crazy.
whysojealous 18
Why do I so many fmls involving guardians slipping drugs into people's food, it's not safe
james_logan 19
Like that one about the parents slipping contraceptive pills into their daughters juice every morning
dontknow1 19
Hahaha grandmas be like.
PhantomKitty 26
...What? What do they be like? I'm genuinely curious.