Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML
Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML
Mommy milkers
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
Tasty
Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I took a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted something rotten. Turns out my grandma knows I drink her soy milk, so she swapped it with expired chicken broth. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Call CPS
Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML
Louis Pasteur wept
Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML
Ewww, gross
Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML
Today, I found out my babysitter has been selling the breastmilk I produce for my baby and replacing it with formula, while still taking my money every week. FML
Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML
Top comments
LadyIrene 21
I can see why she's your ex-wife
JesusFreak227 15
I'm soy sorry that happened. Also, your ex wife is a bitch
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Comments (53)
LadyIrene 21
I can see why she's your ex-wife
JesusFreak227 15
I'm soy sorry that happened. Also, your ex wife is a bitch
XandWacky 23
Damn. No wonder she's your ex
NYGiants1925 22
Your ex is an idiot.
crudeandrudeguy 29
With logic like that I'm surprised she lived long enough to breed...
PANDORUM89 21
The only thing I've SEEN help lactose intolerance is something like Yakult. A good friend of mine drinks 2x a day for 2 weeks and she can drink/eat dairy products for about 3 months without issue. You can't build up an immunity to dairy products like its a poison lol. I just imagine your ex wife watching The Princess Bride and the seen with the Sicilian and thinking OMG THATS HOW ILL CURE MY DAUGHTER!
allie2590 31
Your friend probably isn't lactose intolerant. Lactose intolerance is caused when your body doesn't produce the lactase enzyme that's required to break down lactose, which is the sugar found in most diary products. The only thing that would ACTUALLY help would be lactase pills, which are taken directly before consuming dairy. Stuff like yakult and yogurt can usually be consumed without a problem because the lactose in them becomes lactic acid during the fermentation process.
wow2mylife 25
that didn't work for or pills
Ayasha_fml 12
Pretty sure her, her friend, and her friend's doctor know what is lactose intolerance and what is currently helping it. Otherwise it wouldn't be working. Some just want to watch the world burn and dash anyone's hopes. Even as something as petty as consuming dairy. smh. Sorry to dash your hopes, in todays great world of technology and science, there are cures. Or at least temporary ones, which is a big step forward.
Wormgod 10
I'm lactose intolerant. The only thing that helps is to artificially introduction lactase (lactose enzyme) into your system. It will take about ten/twenty minutes to spread through your digestive system, and your body will immediately try to digest it, so you have about a one hour eating period before enough of the lactase is gone that lactose products won't get digested. I take powder and mix it in to milkshakes and take caplets to eat ice cream.
ABlindMan 17
Lactose intolerance isn't something that an immunity can be built for. Humans are actually born lactose tolerant, however at some point when you're supposed to stop breast feeding, the enzymes that handle lactose die out. The reason dairy products are so big today is because mutations occurred that allowed people to continue consumption after that time period. It's pretty fascinating actually. Roughly 75% of the world has some form of lactose intolerance.
ABlindMan 17
24 - I've seen you around here a lot and you haven't really contributed anything useful to any comment. The people who responded to whichever number started this chain are correct, lactose intolerance is not something you can build an immunity to, like the person somewhere above said, you can introduce artificial enzymes which can break down lactose and those will help with the digestion of dairy products, but the original commenter's friend is indeed still lactose intolerant. Science can't necessarily re-introduce a permanent enzyme to a body that has DNA that tells it to kill it off.
BrotherPhil 35
#6 When it's 75%, it's not so much intolerance as about 25% having a mutation that permits them to digest lactose past infancy. The reason that the default condition gets labelled as unusual is because of the major influence of European culture, as they are the main population who benefit from this mutation.
AshBashMash0423 6
That's so funny you say that because I just watched princess bride the other day lol
james_logan 19
Lactose intolerance, like your ex wife's stupidity, cannot be cured. P.S. Lactose intolerance can be managed. Stupidity cannot.
thatweirdasian 22
I hope your daughter is okay now! And that you have full custody of her instead of your ditsy ex-wife... (Assuming your ex had the custody.)
Zehir_fml 10
I would sue for outright custody. What your ex is doing could harm your child so she should not be living with her.
hellobobismyname 24
I agree. It could have actually killed their child. I would never ever trust her to be alone with her.
RabbitOfAurora 28
I've never heard of lactose intolerance killing someone; that's a bit extreme. At worst you spew and get the ***** for a while. Or like me you just get very gassy. It just sounds like the wife needs a good talking to.
faebun 7
Some people can go into anaphylactic shock if they're really intolerant. It just depends on the person and severity.
GhostFox 34
It's not a endangerment of the daughter because of the the lactose intolerance, though killing her just from that could be possible. Lactose intolerance can trigger vomiting and diarrhea from the body being unable to process the lactose. So not only is dehydration a risk if the mother was doing or intended to do this on a regular basis, but the kid also could very possibly choke on their own vomit depending on how badly they reject it. The other part of the problem is that, not only was OP's ex-wife essentially knowingly poisoning their daughter, but she additionally poisoned her by neglecting to check if the milk was safe.
RememberSchlitz 9
Perhaps you should appeal to the ACLU on your daughter's behalf? I hear they fight against all types of intolerance.
RememberSchlitz 9
*I know it's "CLA" in Australia, not "ACLU".