Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Drive
Today, my wife suddenly texted me to meet her halfway between our house and the supermarket. I immediately put my shoes on and started walking, eager to get to her as fast as I could to surprise her. Turns out she was carrying three heavy bags and yelled at me for being slow and by foot. FML
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML
Point made
Today, to prove to my wife that she's incapable of leaving on time, I told her we needed to leave by 6 and gave her no further reminders. At 6:45 she “still need 5 more minutes.” Then she got mad when she came downstairs at 7:20 and I was in my pyjamas, because what's the fucking point leaving now? FML
Gimme the drugs
Today, I scrambled to get out of work on the dot to go to a special pharmacy that closes at 5 pm an hour away. I arrived at 4:58. Upon reaching the door, one of the employees came and locked it in my face. Apparently, her going home early was more important than me getting my medication. FML
Today, in a rush to get ready, I put on some "sexy" panties that I bought years ago. By the second hour of work, they were so tight and uncomfortable, I had to cut slits up the sides to avoid cutting off the circulation to my legs. FML
Get on with it!
Today, I told my fiancée I was going to the gym. She gave me a dozen "quick, easy errands" that took me over three hours to finish. When I was done, I called her and said I was going to the gym now. She yelled, "You still haven't gone? You've been out for days! What have you been doing?" FML
So, as I was saying before I was interrupted by your colon…
Today, my wife hit a new level of clingy when she picked the lock on the bathroom door so she could sit with me while I shat. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML
Today, I got up very early to join my fit, slim, husband for a morning walk, since I work from home, order food to be delivered, and barely leave the couch. Afterwards, he biked off to work, and I went straight back to bed. With some candy. Small steps, I guess. FML
Top comments
CamBamShamDaMan 26
Why wouldn't she just say shes going out for the night? Because you seem old enough to know whats goin on...
H4H 15
It's bad that she's sneaking back in wearing those clothes, it's worse when her excuse is couponing
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Comments (103)
CamBamShamDaMan 26
Why wouldn't she just say shes going out for the night? Because you seem old enough to know whats goin on...
ColonelCusswords 24
Probably because she's ******* someone?
fohfuucba 21
I wouldn't surprised if her husband gave her a goddamn curfew after he got worked up about her shaving her legs and wearing leggings.
CamBamShamDaMan 26
62 it doesnt always mean that shes having an affair my mom still goes on nights out and shes married, although in this case id seem a little suspicious because her choice in clothing...
kfchicken 31
id say the lying is a bigger issue than the clothes
tounces7 28
It's not very likely she would feel the need to hide it, unless she was having an affair.
11XVI 2
Triple coupons on Dial.
junjunbun 28
You should talk to her OP and call her out on it. But seriously though, she seems like a lying bitch and you should kick her to the curb. I'm so sorry, FYL.
fohfuucba 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
She /seems/ like a lying bitch, so you'll divorce her instead of talking to her? Mature and rational.
Demon_of_Light 27
"You should talk to her" - literally the first words of 3's comment. Slow down with the lecture.
junjunbun 28
Quite frankly I did say that OP should talk to her, as you apparently didn't read my whole comment. But what I meant is if she denies it all and it happens again she's not worth to keep.
Big_D_Real 12
Cheating is inexcusable. OP should have a talk with her. The next time she goes "couponing", OP packs up her shit, changes the locks, and waits for her to try to sneak back in. Then her can inform her that she doesn't live there anymore.
H4H 15
It's bad that she's sneaking back in wearing those clothes, it's worse when her excuse is couponing
kklamou 11
Weird, but couponing must be hella fun!
aimbug 42
You should definitely have a talk with her, Op. It is always better to ask than assume, even when all signs point to what you've assumed.
laden_swallow09 35
Place yer bets, here! 10:1 against for not being what OP thinks it is!
Big_D_Real 12
Do you think she will be honest? I'll bet if OP asks her, she gets really angry and denies everything.
RufusBarbarossa 13
Those are ridiculously good odds
Malsain_fml 10
#6 Agreed. Some times things are not what you may think they are at first. #77 We don't know her, how can we affirm if she is lying or not only from reading a 3 lines FML from an another point of viw?
meausx 6
Definitely FYL. I wouldn't jump to her cheating though. It sounds like she wanted to look and feel sexy so guys would hit on her and give her attention at a club/party. She could be feeling like she's missing something in the relationship but isn't being an adult about it. Either way, there's something up and she needs to talk to you about it instead of sneaking around. You can't fix a problem if you aren't even aware it's there.
BananEnigma 24
Women aren't allowed to look good for themselves, then? Regardless of what she was doing, she should be allowed to wear what she wants.
InfiniteSunshine 32
#20 I agree, women are allowed to wear whatever they want, and they can absolutely look good just for themselves. However, the issue the OP is complaining about here is not the fact that his wife dressed up, it's that she was pretty clearly lying. If you're just couponing, you don't usually sneak into your own house at almost 3am. Also, I don't know about anyone else, but when I'm casually hanging out with my friend, like she said she was, I dress in comfortable, casual clothing, not clubbing attire.
ABlindMan 17
Yeah, damned if she's not going to look her absolute finest to go "couponing" and sneak back in the house after being gone for almost 9 hours. How dare anyone put her down for trying to look good while blatantly lying to her husband. Have you no decency people?
RufusBarbarossa 13
Agreed on the double standard - in fact it seems that society in general has a double standard in many areas. Often these double standards are promoted by extreme "feminists" who want to make it seem like women are perfect and men are evil and need to be killed (Before someone murders me, I actually am a feminist male, as I believe we need equality, but people who claim to be feminists and try to push female promoting <as in unequal in favor of women> agendas irritate me to great extent)
BananEnigma 24
Yeah, except I was replying solely to the comments on the person I commented under. Did you not read their comment? I understand the concept of lying and how it's a bad thing :/ that wasn't what I was referring to and I hadn't even given my opinion on that so please only respond to what I actually said, thank you.
DJRy 13
Maybe he doesn't make her life exciting enough? I know you usually side with the OP but we don't know why she went out like that.
tinycritic 12
The mature thing to do would be talking to the OP about it, rather than lying about what she's really up to. *If* OP really is at fault then he has to know, he can't fix something without knowing what's wrong and I doubt OP can read minds.
Dale_shackleford 13
I hate when people try to blame the other person for not magically doing what they want without being told. If he isn't being exciting enough, she should be an adult and say specifically what she wants, not try to seek pleasure elsewhere.
saddadnmke 10
Maybe she's a cheating gutter ho. How can you blame op. There is no reason to cheat on your spouse and even suggesting that he is to blame is low class. Sorry that this happened to you op.
mezochan 29
Most reasonable couples actually talk about their problems, not sneak around...
cheesy_wotsit 20
Couponing first, party after?
dontknow1 19
Shit bro, you should talk to her before making any assumption.