Nearly FMLs

By Mum life - 09/12/2017 20:38

Today, my children were such assholes that I took the Christmas tree down and cancelled Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 48

By Christina Winden - 09/12/2017 11:31

Today, I had been boasting to my grandmother that I've never been in a car accident. Around 6pm I swerved to avoid a deer that leapt into the road unexpectedly and ended up in someone's yard. The deer and I are fine. The car, which was my grandma's, is totaled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 28

By Anonymous - 09/12/2017 08:38

Today, my pants split, while I was at work, in a toy store, while I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 106

By skinny bitch - 09/12/2017 05:41

Today, I was selected to play the role of a morbidly obese woman" for a debate. I didn't think much of it; they said I was selected randomly. After the debate, however, I was told they chose the "skinniest bitches in the class" as to not offend anyone. I've been trying to gain weight for years. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 11

By Awilker17 - 08/12/2017 19:25 - United States - Montrose

Today, I found out the guy I have a huge crush is gay. Turns out he gave some guy a blowjob in his work parking lot, during company hours, on camera, and got fired for it. My friend, who is also his manager, had the utmost misfortune of being the one who confronted him about it and told me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 8

By corcoran - 08/12/2017 19:13

Today I got a random news blip about the huge price jump of bitcoin. I was urged to invest in bc 3 years ago by a good friend. I opted out. I invested in my family's small business. My friend put 125000 in bc. My friend is now a multi-millionaire. My brother lost all of my money. I'm broke.

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 35

By PhoenixChick - 08/12/2017 18:52

Today my insurance refuses to help pay for my husband's pain medication because "it wasn't pre-authorized". The meds he was prescribed in the ER after an accident shattered his upper arm. We can't afford it on our own, so I'm calling people to borrow money while he screams in pain. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 9

By Cate - 08/12/2017 18:34

Today my boyfriend told me I'm "too good to him" and that he needs "a bitch". I moved to Texas for him...FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 19

Last Minute **** Up

By StressedAF - 08/12/2017 12:55 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I did some last minute editing on my portfolio. I went to hand it in a few minutes before the deadline and the internet crashed. I ended up submitting it 9 minutes late so it might be capped at 40%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 33

By KatHarris - 08/12/2017 08:31

Today my dog stopped eating and wouldnt poop. I took him to the vet and found out that he had eaten a dirty diaper that the neighbors had thrown over my fence and i had let him lick me prior to knowing that. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 13

By KikomansPH - 08/12/2017 11:46 - Philippines - Pasig City

Today, I came to work not knowing that there's a "Best 90's Look" dress up contest. I won. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 29

By Throwing out my clothes - 08/12/2017 03:51

Today, I was speeding down the highway looking for a bathroom off an exit. Suddenly, lights and siren. After explaining the situation, cop took my ID and insurance telling me he'd be right back. I couldn't hold it. Shitty way to get a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 20

By Walter Moody - 07/12/2017 13:46 - United States - Searcy

Today I completed a paper that I spent 30+ hours on. I turned it in online and printed a copy to turn in hard copy. I look down and see that I forgot to put a title page on it. My term paper was turned in without my name on it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 86

By I get paid $10/h for this - 07/12/2017 18:52 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, at daycare I took care of a kid who REALLY likes potties; so much that he will put his head inside one, where the previous kid just had deposited a huge log. And no, I did not have time to empty it because all of this happened in less than 10 seconds. Guess who got to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 11

By TheUntouchable - 07/12/2017 17:13

Today, I learned that after saving my virginity for the guy I've fallen in love with, he won't date me, or touch me, because Im still a virgin. He still thinks I'm " super attractive" though. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 15

By Milky - 07/12/2017 16:21

Today, my manager bribed me to stay late with a cup of coffee, what he didn’t tell me was that the milk was VERY out of date but wasn’t curdling. I’m still retching four hours later FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 11

By "Gillz321" - 07/12/2017 16:03 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today , I discovered that my step mom and my biological dad just forked out the equivalent of $5000 for my step brother to have a holiday in Europe . I found out because they ranted to me about how expensive it was . he's an abusive d**k who regularly gets drunk and abuses both of them . FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 7

By "joi9496" - 07/12/2017 06:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my 22 year old boyfriend "grooming" my 6 month old kittens by repeatedly headbutting them gently with his nose so that "they'll like him more" and "create a stronger bond". FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 24

By al - 07/12/2017 02:54

Today Im super exhausted and on my period so I put a tampon in like normal. I was super uncomfortable and way more crampy than usual but think too much of it. I didn’t realize until I got home from work to take a shower that I actually had two tampons in... FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 66

By Harley - 06/12/2017 23:16

Today, I had my first day at my second job. Prior to this, I worked retail pharmacy for six years. I walked up to report to my new manager... who was one of the worst customers I’ve ever had in retail, not just pharmacy. Now she’s my boss. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 10

By Why do I even bother? - 06/12/2017 23:04

Today, my husband is pouting because he wants a blowjob but I 'only' gave him a handjob. I'm sick, and exhausted from dealing with a crying baby while he's been away on a business trip. He leaves for another week in a couple days. Apparently that gives me lots of time to make it up to HIM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 19

By Fed up with his shit - 06/12/2017 21:31

Today, after months of asking my husband if he made out a loan to his low life brother and him denying it, I found a letter saying that his next payment of $97 out of the $870 loan that I wasnt supposed to know about is due. My kids will not be getting presents this year due to our tight budget.FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 8

By Stripperdate - 06/12/2017 17:21

Today I took a girl I’ve been seeing on an ironic date to a stripclub, guess she really liked it because now she has a job there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 119

By FedUpRoomie - 05/12/2017 20:43

Today, I figured out I have two days to tell my lazy, dirty, smelly, procrastinating freshman roommate that I don't want to room with her next year. I'd use the description above, but she's actually a really nice girl and I don't want to hurt her feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 20

By swervelol - 05/12/2017 12:38 - United States - Kenosha

Today, I woke up to my parents screaming at each other over how messy and irresponsible I am. My offense? Hanging coat hangers in the spare closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 8

By swervelol - 05/12/2017 19:32

Today my mother mocked me for being lazy and “never wanting to do anything.” when I told her I did not want to work two jobs over Christmas break. She did this immediately after demanding that I write her resumes for her to compensate for “being so ungrateful” FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 5

By nicenotpretty - 05/12/2017 18:48 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I accidentaly overheard my sisters-in-law, who happen to be some of my closest friends, talk about how they hope that my unborn child will get their looks from my husband, and not me. 'For the sake of the kid.' FML.

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 05/12/2017 17:25

Today... I woke up at 1:40am to banging on my dorm room and it was the police, looking for me. I walked out in the hall and they proceeded to tell me "your mom called us because an SOS went out on your phone and you are a missing persons right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 6

By Goonie - 05/12/2017 13:09

Today, my wife, very nonchalantly, told me she had a dream that she divorced me and then shortly thereafter became very successful and wealthy, with her own business, huge house and nice cars for her and each of the kids. Oh and the kids were attending the best college in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 05/12/2017 06:46

Today I got fired from my job because a customer decided to file a false claim against me. Merry fucking Christmas. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 5

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 631

You deserved it 14 053

Today, at work, I was helping someone who really sounded like she had a Boston accent. So, I asked her where she was from. She has never been out of state. Turns out she has a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 979

You deserved it 1 800

Today, I was wondering why the new book series I'd ordered hadn’t arrived. I ordered new books because my mom constantly bitched at me about being on the internet too often. She took my laptop away to "teach me a lesson". Only I need my laptop to get the confirmation number to track my books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 228

Today, after moving back in with my parents, I found out they had held on to a chunk of mail still being sent during the time I had been changing my old address. Included was a summons to jury duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 853

You deserved it 1 439

Today, I was on AIM talking to a really cute guy, whom I've had a crush on for forever, when he asked me to video chat. I got so excited and immediately pressed accept, without thinking. Not until he started screaming and cursing did I realize that I was still using my laptop on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 948

You deserved it 63 858

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to date other people, but still wants to be with me. He said, “Yes I want to be with you, but maybe we can both find better.” I found out he’s been texting another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 110