Nearly FMLs

By CreeptacularBait - 26/11/2017 22:13 - United States - Havertown

Today, as I struggled to pull the blankets up on the bed, they came free suddenly. The sudden movement caused me to jerk back, cracking my head on the overhead cabinet. Between laughs, my husband said “You took that like a champ,” as I held my head curled up in the fetal position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 12

By "ManiacGoblin46" - 26/11/2017 21:32 - United States - Fayetteville

Today I was talking to my girlfriend on Skype and we got onto the topic about chokers. My mouth has a tendency to think faster than my brain, and I said without realizing it "all the thots wear chokers". She has a collection of them. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 68

By Lizardsbizniz - 26/11/2017 19:22 - New Zealand

Today, I’ve spent thousands of dollars on my degree and I got another rejection phone call for another job I applied for. Looks like I am destined to be a train conductor with a $50,000 Health science degree forever. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 10

By workworkwork - 26/11/2017 23:28

Today, I made it 20minutes into a 45minute visit at my grandmother's for Thanksgiving. Half of my family won't stay in the same room as me. I walk in, they walk out. While I washed dishes in the kitchen, they filled their water glasses at the bathroom sink to avoid me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 15

By NOPE - 26/11/2017 23:02

Today, my divorced mother finally found a guy she likes. My fiance's divorced father. They made out on the front porch while we were at his mother's for Thanksgiving. They then came and found us and told us in front of his two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 7

By SuddenlySingle - 26/11/2017 22:15

Today, my boyfriend called me at 2am, drunk. Earlier, I had I told him I felt like he was starting to take me for granted. I thought this would be a drunken, heartfelt apology. Instead, he said how happy he was that dating me was "basically like being single". FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 26/11/2017 10:37 - Canada - Vernon

Today, while covering a colleague's shift, a girl at work called in sick with the sniffles, and when she couldn't find anyone to cover for her, she refused to come in. Last week I was forced to come in to work with severe pain, and was rushed to the ER with appendicitis after my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 5

By i have no nick name - 26/11/2017 15:34 - Lebanon - Beirut

today at school my friend change my desktop wallpaper on my laptop to a bunch of dicks without me knowing and the teacher saw it. Suspended for 10 days FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 26/11/2017 12:03 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I was transferred to a new, private school. Feeling rather excited, I entered my first lesson. The teacher was my older cousin who molested me repeatedly as a toddler. The school won't let me change classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 3

By Zander0426 - 26/11/2017 08:12

Today I got my grades back for math, I got one point off from passing just because I had a doodle in my nootebook of a spaceship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 37

By dead miner - 26/11/2017 20:04 - New Zealand - Rotorua

Today I found out that these days bitcoin converts from a single bit to 12.7K NZD. I had mined 138 bitcoin on a pc 3-4-ish years ago back when it was worth nothing and mining was easy. My uncle smashed the PC I stored my wallet info, my data, my mining program, everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 4

By Turdus - 26/11/2017 07:39

Today, I went to my first ever job interview. I went in, answered all of their questions without providing any offsetting details, and provided my talents as well as telling them I have an extremely flexible schedule. They didn't hire me because I was "too honest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 23:06 - United States - Willis

Today, one of my best friends got engaged, to a bipolar psycho who hates me for no reason and calls my kids "accidents". Needless to say I won’t be attending that wedding and I’ve lost a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 6

By "joi9496" - 26/11/2017 03:52 - United Kingdom

Today I was complaining to my boyfriend of 4 years about the constant porn-bots that follow me on Tumblr. I showed him a few examples. He hit an instant boner. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 20

By "Brianna Bradbury" - 26/11/2017 01:42

My ex called me and said hey, I'm dating your sister, mind giving her all of our left over condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 10

By Jobear - 26/11/2017 01:30

Today, my apartment was scheduled for bedbug extermination via heat. The directions said to lay clothing across surfaces so the heat could evenly penetrate. When the bug company came, they said they couldn’t exterminate because it was “too messy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 306

You deserved it 402

By Lizzza - 26/11/2017 00:24

Today, I was working at Walmart on Black Friday, and I was in charge of the TV section.Turns out, when I wasn't looking, a lady smashed a $9,000 dollar TV. Now I'm fired and my boss thinks I did it. Now I'm working three jobs to pay it out and so is my sister and my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 3

By Lizzza - 26/11/2017 00:24

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 17:22 - United States - Saint Paul

Today I am 8 weeks pregnant. Due to food aversions, I can only eat greasy food without throwing up. But if I eat anything greasy it passes through me with the speed of a bullet train. Only 7 months left. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 7

By Gabs - 25/11/2017 16:11 - United States - Montgomery

My best friend of 5 years left me because her boyfriend of 3 months said it was "him or me".

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 21:23

Today, I overcame my shame, confessed to my therapist that I'm sexually attracted to my mother, and begged her for help. She called me a sick freak and banned me from her sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 17

By "Aurora12000" - 25/11/2017 21:08

Today I wanted to ask my mother something, but autocorrect changed "where?" to "whore?" just before I sent it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 18

By "Aurora12000" - 25/11/2017 21:06 - Netherlands - Doesburg

Today I almost burned the house down by making toast in a defective toaster. I didn't notice until the room was filling up with smoke. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 12:57 - United States - Gibson

Today, my wife has started a kickstart project to create a dating app for lesbians. Im not sure if I should be concerned.

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 16:24 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I was staying at my auntie's house for a few weeks. While snooping through my room, my uncle flushed all the "drugs" he found down the toilet. Those "drugs" were my antipsychotics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 17:20

Today, my mother let me borrow a vintage book that was very special to her. After promising to keep it safe and taking it to school, one of my friends snatched it from my hands and dropped it in a puddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 25

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 07:44

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me 4 days before our 3 year anniversary and 6 days before his sisters wedding, in which I am Maid of Honor. And are locked into a lease for another 5 months...

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 7

By Aston - 25/11/2017 19:34 - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, I decided to settle down on a little pornography. A minute in, I couldn't figure out why it was so quiet, so I turned the volume all the way up. It turns out my headphones weren't even connected into my laptop, and my door wasn't even shut. Relatives were staying over from Thanksgiving. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 00:50 - Canada - Ottawa

today a woman mistook me for somebody she knew, when she realised I wasn't who she thought I was she slapped me accross the face and stormed out

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

By "DaveMcDaveface" - 24/11/2017 22:08 - United States - Surprise

Today, I realised that I have been playing way too many video games lately. I was on a family road trip and I looked at a rock formations and said that it wasn't very realistic.

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 53

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not a virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 652

You deserved it 4 218

Today, I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 105

You deserved it 14 103

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 660

You deserved it 7 806

Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 963

You deserved it 7 139

Today, after having watched a scare story on the news about heart disease, my mom is now insisting that we have daily, hour-long, family yoga sessions together. I have a job, and barely have enough time to do my homework as it is. I'm going to be grounded if I don't take part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 411

You deserved it 3 271

Today, I was driving home from an airport. On the way home, I got a flat tire. Once I was outside the car I realized that I had accidentally locked the car with the keys inside. I was in the middle of nowhere 20 miles from anywhere and couldn't call for help since my phone was in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 734

You deserved it 6 765