Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 29/12/2017 09:01

today I got yelled at by my sister and mother for being a sexist pig. All because I said that the men AND the women in the family should do yard work as the men and the women in the family do house work. somehow I'm the sexist for trying to make it equal to men. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 28/12/2017 23:12 - United States - Crofton

Today, I gave myself the most painful, profusely bleeding injury I've had in years. What did I do? I accidentally brushed my hand against a calendar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 28/12/2017 21:56 - United States - San Marcos

Today my mom admitted to thinking that I was delusional because she never understood all the science stuff I talk about at home. So instead of thinking I was just smart she concluded I must be making it all up. I had to show her on google to prove I wasn’t, she still doesn’t believe me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 9

By Murphy - 29/12/2017 01:46

Today, it's my friend's birthday. Her 5 year old son was excited about the gift he picked and repeatedly said that he wanted her to open it last.. As soon as she opened her son's gift, her boyfriend pulled out his own gift saying it was, "extra special". Her son won't stop crying. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 9

By officepredator - 28/12/2017 21:15

Today I was speaking to a very important client on the phone. I tried to tell her that I would get the contract written right up. Instead, it came out, "I can get that up for you, " she paused and said, "thank you dear" FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 14

By Kassutera - 28/12/2017 19:04

Today of all the new year's activities my family decided to pick, they picked skiing in the mountains. This wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have a broken leg. Needless to say I'm spending new years eve home alone FML.

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 6

By Alone - 28/12/2017 18:22

Today, I arrived at work, and told my manager he left his car running. He was having a bad day, and sent everyone home, except me. Now I have to do everything myself, or I get fired. I work at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 7

By "devi_916" - 28/12/2017 18:11

Today someone in our apartment building called the fire department because the person upstairs overflowed their sink. The fire department proceeded to shut off the main water supply and shut off electricity to whole buildings. It's 4° and we just got told it'll 5 days while we wait for inspection.

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 6

By HardWorker - 28/12/2017 17:29

Today, I got off my dreadful graveyard shift and could finally go home. I was so tired that I spent a solid six minutes trying to start my car with a quarter before I realized why my key wouldn’t go in the ignition. The local druggie wanders around asking if I was as high as he was.

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 14

By Just Dammit - 28/12/2017 11:49

Today I found out my wife is cheating on me. Although I’ve had suspicions, I never asked or accused. I found videos and pictures of her going down on her dads girlfriend/baby momma. 2018 can’t be this bad... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 7

By my sister's mister - 28/12/2017 09:44

Today, I woke up cuddling my twin sister with a terrible hangover. Last night I got blackout drunk at a frat party and had wild sex in the dark. I didn't use a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 27/12/2017 22:24

Today, I took my daughter to the pediatrician's office. When the nurse called us back, she promptly asked if our mom was coming too. I'm 26... FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 9

By Seth - 27/12/2017 21:37 - India - Mumbai

Today I went for a body massage, and I got so turned on by the rubbing that I ejaculated, soaking the disposable paper underwear... I was so embarrassed that I just ran out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 40

By I'msorrywecouldnthelp - 27/12/2017 09:50

Today at work, I saw a girl looking like she had fallen. Thinking it was one of the technicians I cheerfully came up saying "Aw, you okay? What happened?" It was actually a client, and my boss had just told her that we lost her beloved horse on the operating table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 19

By Gottalovepeople - 27/12/2017 08:16

Today, while working retail, a mom informed me that I did not have her child size by taking a mannequin from the front of the store, throwing it at me, and demanding I take the top that’s been on there for several months and sell it to her and her bratty triplets. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 26/12/2017 06:30 - United States - Evansville

Today, I gave my son $200 to buy presents for the whole family, he got my brother, mom, and dad really nice things, me a $4 box of candy and the rest was spent on games for himself. He has more money in his bank account than I do. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 110

Bad luck

By Christmas party - 26/12/2017 05:57

Today is my first Christmas out of the Marine Corps and also my first house fire. I bought this house a week ago FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 12

By kody - 25/12/2017 22:48 - United States - Glen Burnie

Today, I invited a girl over to watch some movies. Refusing to use the bathroom with her over, I held it in for 4 hours. After walking her to her car down the street I busted out in a full sprint to use the bathroom. Half way to my door, I crapped my pants and had it running down my leg.

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 170

By butistillgetherapresentanyway - 25/12/2017 21:48

Today, my mom pulled me aside to let me know that my Christmas present is coming late. Like she does every year. She usually loses it after it arrives, takes a few months to find it, and then just re-gifts it to me in April as my "birthday" present; a two for one deal. Merry Christmas to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 6

By idon'tneedanotherpairofsocks - 25/12/2017 21:44

Today, my mom decided to give up on Christmas entirely and just handed out unopened and unwrapped Amazon packages from underneath our undecorated, fake tree. Only one person got something useful that they didn't already have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 25/12/2017 12:42 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, on Christmas day I found out that I'm the "friend" everyone avoids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 25/12/2017 21:05 - China - Beijing

Today at my family’s Christmas dinner, my parents announced they were going to get a divorce... in front of my 7 year old sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 9

By Stinky - 25/12/2017 05:34

Today, I got 2 pet mice as a Christmas present. My aunt doesn’t like any small animals, and while I was setting up the cage in my room, she came up and asked me “Doesn’t your room smell enough like shit already?” She’s 83. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 24/12/2017 23:32 - United Kingdom - Welwyn

Today 2 weeks after moving into our new flat I opened my wardrobe to every pair of my shoes covered in mould, apparently our landlord knew that there was a damp problem, but won’t do anything about it because it’s ‘too big a job’ to put some more insulation in FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 24/12/2017 18:58

Today, my husband warned me he’d soak me and the kids with a hose if we started singing carols while he had a headache. I didn’t think he meant it. I’m soaked from the top of my head right down to the roots of my boots FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 199

By "shortlilmum" - 24/12/2017 17:09 - United Kingdom

Today, while at work one of the residents asked if I go to the gym and work out. I smiled and said no. The resident looked at me and replied "No wonder you're a fat shit then." I'm 8 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 10

By Robert - 24/12/2017 12:15

Today, my 93 year old great-grandfather, who I specifically arranged to come to our family reunion on Christmas so that the family can see him before he goes, had a heart attack and died in a taxi on the way here from the airport. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 9

By fukd - 23/12/2017 19:37 - United States - Kingston

Today, I realized I was falling in love with someone for the first time in over 5 years. She lives 7,000 miles away in another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 26

Amazon?

By Horror_girl - 23/12/2017 23:30 - United Kingdom - York

Today, (Dec 23rd) at 7PM my mother rang me in a panic wanting me to talk her through ordering an Amazon voucher (She wanted one she could print if possible). Apparently she just realized she hadn't got me a Christmas gift. She'd spent over 2K on my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 7

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 439

You deserved it 352

Today, my son asked me if a video of a flame on a computer actually gives off heat like a fireplace. He was serious. He's 17 and inexplicably has straight A's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 151

Today, I found out that I mean nothing to the man I have loved for over a year. He has been taking vacations with another woman, and is in fact, on a vacation with her right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 265

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 872

You deserved it 6 048

Today, I went to pick up my daughter from school. The secretary said that my husband had already picked her up two hours ago. I don't have a husband. He left while I was pregnant with her 6 years ago. The secretary said “no one told her” she had to check ID’s before releasing a child for early dismissal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 281

You deserved it 122

Today, I lost my virginity. We did it on the floor in my step-sister's room, and the entire time he kept pushing my head into the carpet. I lost my V-card but gained rug burn on my face that looks like a fatal disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 627

You deserved it 23 108