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Today, I went to my boyfriends house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

by rabbitkiller / 06/20/2015 at 6:42am / China (Nei Mongol) / Animals

Today, after helping run salads and bread to a table, they demanded I do something about the bug problem. I would've been more understanding if they hadn't chosen to sit outside. FML

by smokecloud_ / 07/02/2015 at 2:40am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we're planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, "Well, we're almost 30." Dad replied, "Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!" So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML

by rainonmyparade / 03/17/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a field trip with some people from school. I'm currently confined to a wheelchair, so I had to rely on my sister to get around. She eventually went off with her friends, assuming that the people nearby would keep me company. Five minutes later, they'd all left me. FML

by left4dead / 10/27/2012 at 4:04pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I convinced myself I needed to get over my ex-girlfriend. I spent twenty minutes signing up for a new dating site, only to find out, that the only other profile on the site of a person within 200 km, is my ex-girlfriend. FML

by GopherJR / 01/18/2009 at 8:07pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Love

Today, my boyfriend who has just returned from his 3 month placement abroad cancelled our date. Why? Because there was a match England vs Germany. A friendly match. FML

by archer / 11/20/2008 at 6:10am / United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead) / Love

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

by DarkPhoenix / 12/04/2008 at 6:16am / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad taught me how to swim. I had to keep doing a lot of strange movements to keep my body floating. While doing that, two 8-year-old girls came and asked me if i needed help getting out of the water. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2011 at 12:55am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the student council gave us our senior class t-shirts. Our theme this year is "Striving for Excellence." Excellence was misspelled. FML

by brit / 10/13/2011 at 3:27pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

by themanzz / 10/08/2010 at 8:08am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, it's my twenty first birthday. My biggest birthday surprise was discovering that I'm alcohol intolerant, by vomiting my first beer all over my boyfriend's mother. FML

by Anna / 03/27/2012 at 9:08pm / United States / Health

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied by telling me to fuck off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2015 at 3:29pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love

Today, I went home, where I live alone, from my dorm room at my university. The only Christmas cards I had received were addressed to the person that lived there before me. FML

by LonelySanta / 12/24/2009 at 3:18am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous