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Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

#2715
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17752) - you deserved it (4512)

On 01/26/2009 at 5:56pm - love - by LDL - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I tried to convince my boyfriend to come over, telling him it would be "worth his time." He asked, "How?" I said, "Dazzling conversation of course. Just kidding, you'll probably get laid." He replied, "Oh. Well I would if it was for the conversation." FML

#6441814
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17752) - you deserved it (6308)

On 11/25/2009 at 2:23am - intimacy - by sexyconvo (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML

#880527
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17751) - you deserved it (68345)

On 04/09/2009 at 1:04am - love - by skmusic (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

#10748926
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17751) - you deserved it (51948)

On 05/25/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by laurenraeee - United States (Utah)

Today, my Grandma was showing me an ancient family letter. It was apparently written by someone historically famous. She was going on about how important it was, in such good condition too, worth a lot. I dropped my glass of juice. It spilt all over it. FML

#101667
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17746) - you deserved it (41640)

On 02/22/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by damn-it (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to the emergency room with chest pain. I didn't have a heart attack, but I now have a broken nose after passing out and face-planting in the waiting room. FML

#19952787
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17745) - you deserved it (1673)

On 07/18/2012 at 1:06am - health - by tm - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I woke up with this terrible toothache and called my mother for a lift to the dentist. This super-dentist-chick enters in and says: "Nice to meet you, your mother just told me you're afraid of dentists?" I'm 29. FML

#2012
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17743) - you deserved it (2869)

On 01/21/2009 at 7:36am - love - by Noname - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I lost my virginity to my long time boyfriend and found out I'm severely allergic to latex. I also found out that my family doctor had been transferred to the ER. He went to play golf with my dad later. FML

#7257583
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17743) - you deserved it (2880)

On 01/10/2010 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by Foxy (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

#17457165
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17743) - you deserved it (32089)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

#3604059
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17742) - you deserved it (56627)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I got banned from my boyfriend's house for being an "insurance liability." FML

#8423454
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17742) - you deserved it (3683)

On 02/18/2010 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

#145421
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17742) - you deserved it (50053)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, it's day two of my two-month summer job on a Mediterranean cruise ship. I'm incredibly seasick, and the ship is still docked. FML

#20060408
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17739) - you deserved it (4016)

On 09/06/2012 at 12:51pm - work - by SummerJob (woman) -



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