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Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

#138318
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12904) - you deserved it (65481)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:01pm - intimacy - by banana (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

#11886380
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12903) - you deserved it (27563)

On 07/14/2010 at 10:37pm - love - by readytomingle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

#79663
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12902) - you deserved it (25599)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - work - by wow (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

#17365411
427 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12902) - you deserved it (54433)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I made a mistake at work that got 7 people fired. I'm scared to leave the office because they're all outside. FML

#12740190
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12895) - you deserved it (58529)

On 08/25/2010 at 3:13pm - work - by Joel - United States (California)

Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML

#19157440
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12890) - you deserved it (23855)

On 02/24/2012 at 11:18pm - misc - by so bored -__- (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I bought my son a nice car for his 18th birthday. When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay for college. FML

#20192045
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12882) - you deserved it (44944)

On 12/05/2012 at 6:27am - kids - by Anonymous - Israel

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML

#4463161
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12881) - you deserved it (39683)

On 08/11/2009 at 11:34pm - kids - by SomeDJ (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher. FML

#16450721
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12880) - you deserved it (39208)

On 06/01/2011 at 12:05pm - work - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to a love life is organizing my porn folder by category. FML

#17618254
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12880) - you deserved it (26647)

On 08/30/2011 at 1:20am - intimacy - by WithoutLove (man) - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my wife at her softball game. I saw her distinctive motorcycle jacket through the canvas dugout wall and decided that I would feel her up from behind, to surprise her. She lent her jacket to a friend. FML

#6433707
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12879) - you deserved it (8604)

On 11/24/2009 at 5:58am - intimacy - by rider (man) - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today, I left my empty shower running so I could pretend I didn't still live alone. FML

#18790783
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12878) - you deserved it (22012)

On 01/12/2012 at 10:50pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML

#13871078
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12873) - you deserved it (46747)

On 11/16/2010 at 10:43pm - work - by T_Willl -



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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