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Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML

#20001897
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21376) - you deserved it (3677)

On 08/04/2012 at 7:35am - misc - by llaurenmariee - United States

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

#20141026
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21373) - you deserved it (9337)

On 10/30/2012 at 11:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

#6192333
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21374) - you deserved it (8825)

On 11/07/2009 at 3:47am - intimacy - by forewhatnow (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

#19344885
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21371) - you deserved it (3838)

On 03/25/2012 at 1:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

#7993
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21370) - you deserved it (40690)

On 02/04/2009 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Big B (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

#1423979
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21369) - you deserved it (58663)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:47pm - misc - by fuckspellcheck (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to pretend my tampons were "dynamite" and run around the house throwing them at my friends and family. FML

#19893089
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21369) - you deserved it (2220)

On 07/05/2012 at 12:01am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at work and was confronted by a customer wanting to get a "Nemo" fish. I explained that 'Nemo' needs to live in saltwater, not freshwater, like their tank was. The customer then turns around and grabs a perforated tank divider and says, "Can't I just split them up with this?" FML

#12924795
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21368) - you deserved it (2868)

On 09/05/2010 at 11:01pm - work - by christiner - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

#19962660
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21367) - you deserved it (1695)

On 07/20/2012 at 3:58am - misc - by Grrr (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my wife allowed my mother-in-law to move in with us. She believes the government spies on her in the shower, and that the Prime Minister is a shape-shifting lizard who wants to microchip us all. I have to live with this psychotic wench until someone is desperate enough to employ her. FML

#19662623
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21365) - you deserved it (2296)

On 05/22/2012 at 2:42pm - misc - by fuq (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

#20133155
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21364) - you deserved it (5308)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:09pm - love - by mental - United States

Today, I finally achieved the perfect hourglass figure. Too bad I'm a guy. FML

#19844120
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21364) - you deserved it (4869)

On 06/25/2012 at 10:05am - misc - by Wwiimaniac (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

#20483441
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21364) - you deserved it (2606)

On 01/28/2013 at 6:02pm - health - by shitty situation - Canada (Ontario)



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