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Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a make-shift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

#13847901
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17647) - you deserved it (6029)

On 11/15/2010 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was sent to a customer's house to switch out a washing machine. My boss had assured me that everything I'd need was already in the truck. Halfway there, I ran out of gas and I realized I didn't have the gas card. My boss says it's my fault. FML

#19543388
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17647) - you deserved it (6647)

On 04/28/2012 at 5:21pm - work - by wowzers0889 - United States (New York)

Today, I tripped on the way back from collecting a prize in front of 600 students and their parents. I got more applause than I did when collecting the prize. FML

#19877317
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17639) - you deserved it (1827)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:03pm - misc - by plzdontclapme -

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. I look him straight in the eye and ask him: "What's the first thing you think about when you look at me?". His answer: "Can I finish my steak?" FML

#656
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17638) - you deserved it (6948)

On 01/01/2009 at 7:09am - love - by Undefined - Sent from mobile version

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

#19675314
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17636) - you deserved it (3602)

On 05/24/2012 at 9:37pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML

#20111523
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17637) - you deserved it (2397)

On 10/11/2012 at 1:08am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the airport for my two week trip to explore Europe. My ticket was denied and the workers turned me away. When I asked why, they told me to check the date. My ticket was for June 22nd, not July. FML

#3951293
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17628) - you deserved it (56371)

On 07/22/2009 at 12:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML

#19591635
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17628) - you deserved it (1356)

On 05/08/2012 at 10:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told myself: "Go on you big geek, go outside, get some sun, get your ass away from in front of your PC, go for a walk". I finally muster the courage to leave my house. Without my keys. I've been in an internet cafe for four hours. FML

#519
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17625) - you deserved it (7590)

On 12/15/2008 at 2:11am - misc - by Dr_JF - Sent from mobile version

Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML

#3178
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17621) - you deserved it (4745)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by im_a_mocker - United States (New York)

Today, I collected my students' notes in class to check them. One girl, who is always drawing weird anime crap in her sketchbook, turned in just one piece of paper that read, "FUCK YOUR CLASS." FML

#20076781
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17617) - you deserved it (19217)

On 09/17/2012 at 8:21pm - work - by Mrs. Teacher (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I broke my wrist when I got into a disagreement with a horse. FML

#18831688
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17614) - you deserved it (9725)

On 01/17/2012 at 1:13am - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

#19662141
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17613) - you deserved it (3279)

On 05/22/2012 at 12:11pm - love - by boblaj (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)



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