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Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

#4204058
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18227) - you deserved it (44003)

On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realised that I only get dandruff when I'm stressed about having dandruff. Which is whenever I have dandruff. FML

#19400366
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18227) - you deserved it (3659)

On 04/03/2012 at 10:16am - health - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

#12657778
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18225) - you deserved it (29271)

On 08/21/2010 at 2:09am - health - by clitorasaurus (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found a lost dog and called the owner. When he arrived, I thought it would be cute to put the dog down so he would run back into his owner's arms, like in movies. As soon as I put the dog down, it ran away again. FML

#20469405
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18225) - you deserved it (38477)

On 01/20/2013 at 11:34am - animals - by DrakeB (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

#10922943
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18225) - you deserved it (27385)

On 06/02/2010 at 5:31pm - health - by Official_Person (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to give my boyfriend an enema. FML

#20038693
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18222) - you deserved it (2427)

On 08/24/2012 at 1:21am - health - by coop7291 - United States

Today, it was laundry day. After my fifth and final load, I noticed I never added any laundry detergent. FML

#18239107
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18221) - you deserved it (20087)

On 11/13/2011 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I heard the ice cream truck. Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the steps and almost immediately fell down them. I needed four stitches. I didn't even get my ice cream. FML

#19594903
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18217) - you deserved it (8339)

On 05/08/2012 at 9:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked a co-worker if he'd cover for me while I slipped out to cash some money at the bank. When I got back, I found out that when he said "yeah, sure" he actually meant "yeah, sure, I'll tell the boss and get your dumb arse suspended". FML

#19282495
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18216) - you deserved it (10927)

On 03/15/2012 at 12:13pm - work - by davey d (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went to the free clinic down the street to prove to my girlfriend I don't have any STDs so that we can finally have sex. Turns out I have one. FML

#17979790
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18208) - you deserved it (49603)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:30am - intimacy - by happybudiess - United States

Today, I was at Target with my mom. After 10 minutes of my mom walking around looking confused, I said, "Mom, what are you looking for? I worked at this place for 4 years, I know where everything is." My mom was looking for KY. FML

#1288
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18207) - you deserved it (2106)

On 01/15/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by kallens - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my dad approached two girls at a store and told them I'd crashed into their car. They didn't find it funny either. FML

#19804025
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18208) - you deserved it (1584)

On 06/17/2012 at 9:57pm - misc - by annonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled bad. Instead of cleaning it, he had it equipped with a Wunderbaum. Our entire house now smells like "New Car". FML

#14717591
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18208) - you deserved it (3360)

On 01/26/2011 at 5:38am - misc - by everfresh (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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