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Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

#20790528
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21246) - you deserved it (43274)

On 07/18/2013 at 2:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to see my orthodontist. He informed me that I have an underbite and I will probably need braces again. I just had them taken off last year, after five and a half years of oral hell. FML

#20044922
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21245) - you deserved it (1669)

On 08/27/2012 at 6:16pm - health - by Albert (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin my innocence. FML

#5141193
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21244) - you deserved it (3513)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:13am - intimacy - by Magnus_the_Red (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML

#20185014
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21241) - you deserved it (4154)

On 11/30/2012 at 3:33am - work - by onlyslightly (woman) - United States

Today, my dog managed to pull a one-pound package of raw bacon out and eat the entire package including the cardboard. The vets cheered when they finally got him to puke up the entire, unchewed package of bacon. FML

Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML

#19336064
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21238) - you deserved it (5111)

On 03/23/2012 at 11:51pm - love - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

#9066532
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21235) - you deserved it (9161)

On 03/14/2010 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my brand new and very expensive laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one. Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind, at least it makes a cool sound. FML

#458
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21232) - you deserved it (3680)

On 12/06/2008 at 2:51am - misc - by harry - Sent from mobile version

Today, during an episode of King of Queens that my boyfriend has seen more than once, I decided I'd try to get a little frisky. I straddled him while he was on the bed and began taking my clothes of. He pushed me out of the way and said, 'don't get naked in front of the TV.' FML

#7467691
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21232) - you deserved it (3744)

On 01/21/2010 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He gave me a cupcake. FML

#19235270
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21230) - you deserved it (3326)

On 03/07/2012 at 8:08pm - work - by Janitor (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

#20122439
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21229) - you deserved it (2597)

On 10/18/2012 at 12:26pm - health - by murp (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I told my mom I was finally going on a diet. She let me know how proud she is of me fighting temptation, by making my favorite cookies and dinner. FML

#19743960
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21228) - you deserved it (2177)

On 06/06/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

#17966931
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21227) - you deserved it (3172)

On 10/12/2011 at 11:41am - animals - by octoberrain - United States



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