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Today, my mom realized we have been sharing tooth brushes because they are similar colors. I told her it doesn't really matter since we're mother and daughter. She responded by saying that she loves me, but she has no idea where my mouth has been, and she doesn't want my diseases. Thanks mom. FML

#13383156
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22177) - you deserved it (9618)

On 10/09/2010 at 8:47pm - health - by nikki (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

#7194644
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22176) - you deserved it (3661)

On 01/07/2010 at 3:31am - animals - by Archie (man) - United States (California)

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

#20954898
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22176) - you deserved it (45737)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:18am - love - by awkwardencounters - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML

#20173484
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22176) - you deserved it (5502)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little girl, and we were playing with dolls. After we fed her babies, we put them down for a nap. After a few minutes, I asked if they'd had enough sleep. She looked at me like I was a freak and said, "Uh, they're not real babies, you know..." FML

#19867200
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22171) - you deserved it (3214)

On 06/29/2012 at 4:48pm - kids - by friend (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I received a compliment for the first time from a girl. She told me she admires my courage to go out in public since most ugly people don't like to. FML

#20083123
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22169) - you deserved it (1647)

On 09/22/2012 at 2:59am - misc - by IHateMyLife - United States (California)

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22168) - you deserved it (131514)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my separation anxiety got so intense, I found myself smelling my boyfriend's pillow. FML

#18566755
149 comments

Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML

#19581531
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22168) - you deserved it (4318)

On 05/06/2012 at 10:57am - misc - by flustered (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I had to renew my driver's license at the DMV. Earlier, I was in a play and was still covered in stage makeup. I didn't realize that not all of it had come off until after my picture was taken and put on my new license. For the next three years, I'll be the guy with the dark eyeliner. FML

#18247557
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22167) - you deserved it (8184)

On 11/14/2011 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML

#13660294
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22165) - you deserved it (2764)

On 10/31/2010 at 5:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML

#19969409
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22165) - you deserved it (2735)

On 07/21/2012 at 5:14pm - work - by artdegreemyass (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friends and I planned to go to a waterpark together. However, due to a "miscommunication," I, and only I, was given both the wrong time and the wrong meeting place. I spent three hours sitting in a parking lot in little more than my swimming suit. FML

#20004339
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22163) - you deserved it (2493)

On 08/05/2012 at 6:05pm - misc - by crissy becks - United States (California)



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