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Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

#21039900
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26016) - you deserved it (51007)

On 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I discovered how my ex-girlfriend exacted her revenge. Every item of clothing I own now has sequins. FML

#12331416
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26015) - you deserved it (11435)

On 08/05/2010 at 1:00pm - love - by Luke - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

#20113953
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26016) - you deserved it (1550)

On 10/12/2012 at 7:00pm - misc - by WTF (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

#6926304
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26015) - you deserved it (6982)

On 12/24/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mom was on my Facebook and saw a chick leave a nasty comment on my status. My mom commented back something awful and really bitchy. My mom still fights my fights for me. I'm 20. FML

#13632865
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26013) - you deserved it (7775)

On 10/28/2010 at 11:17pm - misc - by mommysgirlapparently (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I was fired from my job for being too "forward" to my boss. All I did was get him coffee and a biscuit from McDonald's to celebrate his 15-year anniversary working there. FML

#21483311
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26013) - you deserved it (1832)

On 10/23/2015 at 6:30am - misc - by DietKelp - United States

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

#764991
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26011) - you deserved it (111656)

On 04/02/2009 at 11:34am - intimacy - by imsorrytimmy (woman) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, my house got broken into for the third time. The nice police officer said that if I didn't want my house to keep being robbed I should "Fix the place up so it doesn't look like a crummy vacant building." FML

#15031237
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26009) - you deserved it (8307)

On 02/18/2011 at 8:06pm - misc - by rachel - United States (California)

Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML

#1314
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26008) - you deserved it (5864)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:57pm - misc - by blegh - Switzerland (Ticino)

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

#13363790
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26008) - you deserved it (8351)

On 10/08/2010 at 8:08am - animals - by themanzz - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I talked to my crush for half an hour. It wasn't until I was home that I realised I had some remains of the sausage roll I ate an hour earlier spread all over my teeth. FML

#12860469
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26008) - you deserved it (8138)

On 09/01/2010 at 9:26pm - love - by Rollymouth - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized I could make more money being on welfare than I can at my current job. FML

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

#20067114
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26006) - you deserved it (2553)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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