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Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML

#8122396
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17284) - you deserved it (2479)

On 02/11/2010 at 4:09am - intimacy - by stewiesclone - United States

Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent photoshoot for her book. I found out later that my mom didn't know how to burn only SOME of the photos on the CD, and ended up burning all of the photos onto the CD. Some of the photos were provocative. FML

#1617
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17281) - you deserved it (1598)

On 01/18/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by scarred4life - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

#4379475
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17277) - you deserved it (74833)

On 08/08/2009 at 3:18am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML

#20086255
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17275) - you deserved it (2011)

On 09/24/2012 at 3:18am - health - by AnxietyGirl - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was running on a track above a basketball court. I noticed several cute guys playing a pick-up game, so I tried to run my hardest. Not paying attention, I didn't hear when they warned me about the ball flying towards me. It hit me in the head, I then ran into a wall and face-planted. FML

#1739978
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17273) - you deserved it (36356)

On 05/08/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

#6322729
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17273) - you deserved it (34377)

On 11/16/2009 at 2:32am - love - by Manstobe92 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I couldn't take home the free weights I'd planned on buying to start bodybuilding 'cos I couldn't lift the box, which was too heavy for me. FML

#715
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17272) - you deserved it (4535)

On 01/06/2009 at 3:28am - misc - by Fred - Sent from mobile version

Today, I crashed my car. I saw a deer getting ready to run into the middle of the road, and I was very sleepy, so I panicked and slammed on the brakes, causing me to lose control of the car on the wet road. After I hit a tree, I realized that the deer was a plastic lawn ornament. FML

#4468177
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17270) - you deserved it (41198)

On 08/12/2009 at 2:49am - misc - by Bambi (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML

#19847673
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17270) - you deserved it (5609)

On 06/25/2012 at 10:59pm - misc - by hearingthings (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I had to buy a wrist brace for a repetitive strain injury. I got the injury because I was knitting too much. I'm 22. FML

#11365863
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17266) - you deserved it (23326)

On 06/21/2010 at 9:28pm - health - by GrannyAt22 (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML

#19348769
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17266) - you deserved it (1785)

On 03/26/2012 at 12:31am - misc - by Ringo McDingo (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

#5876001
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17265) - you deserved it (2917)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:29am - intimacy - by Ignitingmylightsaber (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

#17150480
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17265) - you deserved it (34354)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by CaoiiBieber - Ireland



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