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Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

by DarkPhoenix / 12/04/2008 at 6:16am / Miscellaneous

Today, my house got broken into for the third time. The nice police officer said that if I didn't want my house to keep being robbed I should "Fix the place up so it doesn't look like a crummy vacant building." FML

by rachel / 02/18/2011 at 8:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got stuck driving behind a rather large motorcyclist on a one way road for 30 miles. For those 30 miles, I had a full view of his back fat rolls and butt crack. FML

by O__o / 12/09/2011 at 1:43am / United States / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

by GiveADogABone / 10/15/2015 at 6:47pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend of two months and I are in completely different points in our lives. She ambushed me with ideas of having kids, getting married and being together forever. Currently, my biggest concern is passing the tenth grade. FML

by NordicNathan / 03/14/2016 at 12:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a client stared at me in disbelief after I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. FML

by kat / 02/21/2012 at 4:53am / Reserved / Work

Today, I went on a field trip with some people from school. I'm currently confined to a wheelchair, so I had to rely on my sister to get around. She eventually went off with her friends, assuming that the people nearby would keep me company. Five minutes later, they'd all left me. FML

by left4dead / 10/27/2012 at 4:04pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my twenty first birthday. My biggest birthday surprise was discovering that I'm alcohol intolerant, by vomiting my first beer all over my boyfriend's mother. FML

by Anna / 03/27/2012 at 9:08pm / United States / Health

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2015 at 9:29am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I parked my car, went to pay for my spot, and returned to my car only to find a parking violation ticket tucked under the windshield wipers. This all happened in less than a minute. FML

by occam's pube-razor / 09/05/2015 at 12:26am / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I after getting off the bus, I realized that the man I was talking to was distracting me so his "buddy" could steal my wallet. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2011 at 1:32am / United States / Money

Today, after helping run salads and bread to a table, they demanded I do something about the bug problem. I would've been more understanding if they hadn't chosen to sit outside. FML

by smokecloud_ / 07/02/2015 at 2:40am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous