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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, a baseball bat fell on my head while my boyfriend and I were cuddling. The same baseball bat that he keeps next to the bed, because he genuinely fears a zombie outbreak. FML

#20039608
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18059) - you deserved it (3315)

On 08/24/2012 at 5:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Walsall)

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

#20090283
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18056) - you deserved it (2297)

On 09/26/2012 at 10:29pm - love - by - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was waiting in a doctor's office when I was approached by an elderly woman. She told me all about the ripping of her stitches in a very private place, in exhaustive detail. Of course, today was the day my doctor chose to be an hour late. FML

#20183071
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18057) - you deserved it (1315)

On 11/28/2012 at 7:57pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was lying on the couch with my boyfriend and was feeling tired, so I got a soda. I sat back down and surprised him with a passionate kiss. I also surprised him when I suddenly burped right into his mouth. FML

#2228534
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18055) - you deserved it (43035)

On 05/24/2009 at 12:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

#385410
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18054) - you deserved it (112436)

On 03/16/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

#20188897
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18056) - you deserved it (2479)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:18am - health - by Gahh... (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

#2392986
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18051) - you deserved it (42579)

On 05/28/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by danyelicindereli (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML

#19597965
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18051) - you deserved it (4928)

On 05/09/2012 at 3:34pm - love - by chieftain (man) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, I learned to never shave your downstairs when you have the hiccups. FML

#12797931
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18050) - you deserved it (27345)

On 08/29/2010 at 1:02am - health - by yggiz (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, at work, my boss went to the single-stall bathroom on our floor. The next thing I know, I'm on suspension pending review because some asshole left an upper-decker in the toilet. Since I'm the office prankster, all suspicion is now on me. I've been framed by my own colleagues. FML

#17888360
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18048) - you deserved it (12796)

On 10/02/2011 at 4:35pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

#20036157
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18038) - you deserved it (1727)

On 08/22/2012 at 7:10pm - misc - by idontbleedfromthere (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

#8193148
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18038) - you deserved it (6596)

On 02/13/2010 at 1:51am - intimacy - by whathef???? - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, in the "end-of-the-world" spirit, I asked my boyfriend to marry me. His response was, "It's really windy out." FML

#20410172
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18038) - you deserved it (25414)

On 12/20/2012 at 11:05pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)



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