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Today, my house got broken into for the third time. The nice police officer said that if I didn't want my house to keep being robbed I should "Fix the place up so it doesn't look like a crummy vacant building." FML

by rachel / 02/18/2011 at 8:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2012 at 12:47am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I finally confronted my mom about how I felt about her three divorces. She then explained that she went through the divorces because I failed to keep the house clean. FML

by lulumars / 06/14/2015 at 1:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving on roads that were bad from two days of snow. I spun my car out, and ended up half-way in a ditch. Thinking that I could push my car out of the snow, I got out of my car, landing in waist deep snow. When trying to get back in, I fell neck deep into snow. FML

by warningxxLidell / 01/09/2010 at 1:45am / United States (Iowa) / Transportation

Today, when leaving my apartment, I instantly noticed there was a giant dump truck in our lot, which turned out to be directly behind my car. After making a 20-point escape from my parking space and getting to work late, my roommate texts me "DUDE guess what I got last night". A giant dump truck. FML

by dump truck hater / 06/03/2015 at 12:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my husband's family for the first time. My nightmare versions were better. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2012 at 4:47am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I went to see our favorite band in concert. We walked at least a mile from our parking space and stood in line for two hours. My friend was supposed to have the tickets in her purse. She actually had, but she left her purse in the car. FML

by musiclover / 12/06/2009 at 12:05am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we're planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, "Well, we're almost 30." Dad replied, "Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!" So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML

by rainonmyparade / 03/17/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wallet was stolen from my purse at work. When I asked my boss to pull the security tape so we could identify the thief, he said, "I don't think I want to know who it is." FML

by bgierczak2 / 08/31/2015 at 12:50am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my teacher gave me a 0% on my personal narrative in my writing class. His only comment on the whole paper was, "Too long, didn't read." FML

by This guy / 02/20/2016 at 9:53pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

by allalone / 07/13/2010 at 8:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2015 at 9:29am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

by hnickell93 / 10/08/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Love