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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

#4155124
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22588) - you deserved it (55041)

On 07/30/2009 at 5:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML

#8763974
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22588) - you deserved it (5494)

On 03/02/2010 at 12:05am - misc - by sleeper - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to a New Year's party with my boyfriend. Later into the night, he got drunk, and left me there to go to another party with his friends. I have no car, and no way to get home. FML

#14417379
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22585) - you deserved it (3132)

On 01/01/2011 at 12:27am - misc - by Alana - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while at work, I was asked to see my boss. I was informed that the company would be laying off 20 people, and that I was one of them. I was told I could finish off the week, then was sent back to work. Twenty minutes later, my boss walked around and handed us all Christmas party invitations. FML

#13598783
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22583) - you deserved it (2088)

On 10/26/2010 at 2:35am - work - by robthebuilder (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's the last day of my sign language class. At the end of the class, my teacher surprised us by speaking for the first time, also surprising everyone that she wasn't actually deaf. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just given someone an answer to the test, thinking she couldn't hear me. FML

Today, I opened my closet to get my uniform to get ready for work, and found the cat my step-mom was looking for the night before. Apparently, it snuck in there and was too stupid to miaow to be let out, but had no problem pissing all over all my stuff. FML

#8741941
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22581) - you deserved it (2958)

On 03/01/2010 at 3:30am - animals - by mav3rick91 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé told me he wants a security guard to come with us on our honeymoon to Hawaii. Apparently, watching Dog the Bounty Hunter has made him feel unsafe. FML

#18379214
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22581) - you deserved it (2492)

On 11/28/2011 at 8:50pm - love - by DoggyBlues - United States (California)

Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML

#6947126
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22581) - you deserved it (2596)

On 12/25/2009 at 10:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

#12150388
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22579) - you deserved it (2272)

On 07/27/2010 at 7:25pm - work - by hurikan68 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

#13861798
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22578) - you deserved it (7940)

On 11/16/2010 at 3:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was reading to a child during nap time because she woke up crying. She calmed down right after I began reading, but soon started crying again. I was confused until I felt something warm and wet on my leg. She peed on me. FML

#13728645
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22576) - you deserved it (3182)

On 11/05/2010 at 6:02pm - work - by Username - France

Today, I watched my cat walk to her litter box, look at it, then walk across the room to pee on a backpack. FML

#19411591
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22579) - you deserved it (3894)

On 04/05/2012 at 11:07am - animals - by tessamarque - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was making a snowman with my little cousin. I was collecting snow just outside the house, when out of nowhere a snowball struck me in the back of the head and caused me to headbutt the wall. I woke up a short while later to a medic telling me I had a nasty concussion. Thanks, cousin. FML

#14410593
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22576) - you deserved it (3036)

On 12/31/2010 at 3:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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