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Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

#90754
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17190) - you deserved it (112758)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

#6890097
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17193) - you deserved it (4527)

On 12/22/2009 at 8:09pm - intimacy - by shallowvomit1013 (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

#9797503
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17190) - you deserved it (40916)

On 04/11/2010 at 4:11am - intimacy - by junior - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

#20630741
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17188) - you deserved it (58039)

On 04/29/2013 at 5:11pm - misc - by random - Canada

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

#18749585
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17184) - you deserved it (31247)

On 01/08/2012 at 7:43pm - intimacy - by caught - United States (Washington)

Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

#17071540
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17180) - you deserved it (14918)

On 07/11/2011 at 9:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was at the airport and I offered to help an elderly man carry his golf clubs. Apparently, I sounded sarcastic and condescending, because he started screaming at me about etiquette and manners in front of the entire airport. FML

#19879557
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17177) - you deserved it (1971)

On 07/02/2012 at 3:23am - misc - by JDBigDawg - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my boss about her children. She told me she didn’t want them to develop any problems by letting them sleep with the light on. I didn’t tell her last night I slept with the light on because I’m scared of ghosts. FML

#1622822
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17174) - you deserved it (40438)

On 05/04/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by pussy (woman) - Italy

Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML

#1900118
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17175) - you deserved it (122129)

On 05/13/2009 at 11:35am - love - by your_mother - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time. It's a small, old cottage in the countryside. I went up for a shower and didn't realise that the plug hole was blocked. Before I knew it, the bathroom floor was completely flooded and the ceiling below was dripping. FML

#19748438
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17172) - you deserved it (6596)

On 06/07/2012 at 3:47am - misc - by Sophie (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

#20102423
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17172) - you deserved it (2568)

On 10/05/2012 at 1:59am - misc - by alittlepersonal (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to hunt down and collect a stray dog's feces for my parasitology class. FML

#20041168
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17170) - you deserved it (2927)

On 08/25/2012 at 3:11pm - animals - by missTyfied (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, my boyfriend and I reached that point in our relationship where just a simple phone conversation was too boring. His idea to spice things up? Playing Minecraft together. FML

#20035502
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17167) - you deserved it (5768)

On 08/22/2012 at 11:13am - love - by Minecraftwhyyy (woman) - United States



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