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Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

#6356025
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17821) - you deserved it (7470)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:35pm - intimacy - by Tucker (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, there is an annular solar eclipse. As I was buying the last pair of solar glasses to watch the eclipse with, some jerk snatched them out of my hands and bolted off with them. I now have to make the decision between watching the eclipse and not going blind. FML

#19653342
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17818) - you deserved it (2776)

On 05/20/2012 at 7:35pm - misc - by VocalizedBoar - United States (New Mexico)

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

#19341181
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17816) - you deserved it (2191)

On 03/24/2012 at 9:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

#430302
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17814) - you deserved it (59399)

On 03/17/2009 at 11:48pm - misc - by jina (woman) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, my dad agreed to let me borrow the car to go rock climbing with my friends. He'd just filled it up with gas, which is how I realized halfway back home that one of my "friends" had siphoned well over half the gas straight out of the tank. FML

#20157652
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17812) - you deserved it (1859)

On 11/10/2012 at 2:49pm - misc - by me - United States (Oregon)

Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. 5 minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML

#20074281
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17811) - you deserved it (3080)

On 09/16/2012 at 8:36am - misc - by kacie smith - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

#4051
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17810) - you deserved it (59649)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:04am - intimacy - by DDD - Sent from mobile version

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said "nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

#21247278
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17832) - you deserved it (1376)

On 08/28/2014 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML

#14403939
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17809) - you deserved it (6819)

On 12/31/2010 at 1:13am - misc - by brenami (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was told that I look like a cross between Roger Federer and Neil Patrick Harris. Apparently I have a big forehead and a squished face. FML

#13762185
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17807) - you deserved it (2829)

On 11/08/2010 at 5:32am - misc - by facingit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to walk home from school in the rain, because my mom "didn't have a car to pick me up in". But when I got home, the car had magically appeared. Just great. FML

#2319
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17804) - you deserved it (1863)

On 01/23/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by blahmina - United States (California)

Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML

#16561931
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17802) - you deserved it (38961)

On 06/08/2011 at 12:47pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, someone I used to know got in touch with me, after I hadn't heard from him in years. He insisted that we met up as soon as possible, and wanted me to go to his house that afternoon. I spent the afternoon repairing his computer. Since then, no news. FML

#617
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17801) - you deserved it (2268)

On 12/28/2008 at 4:50am - misc - by maxiflouf - Sent from mobile version



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