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Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML

#20132432
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17736) - you deserved it (4024)

On 10/25/2012 at 5:58am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML

#3664691
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17735) - you deserved it (65041)

On 07/11/2009 at 11:13am - intimacy - by crazyt446 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while at work, I was told by a man who had literally just gotten back from his mothers funeral to cheer up, I was depressing him. FML

#9063709
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17735) - you deserved it (5245)

On 03/14/2010 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML

#2204449
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17735) - you deserved it (52700)

On 05/23/2009 at 3:37am - misc - by arrestedgun (man) - Canada

Today, I announced to my coworkers that I'd "fixed the massive problem" they'd all been complaining about. Eleven different people made guesses at what the problem had been, ranging from how bad I smell to if I had learned to brush my teeth. I just meant that I'd fixed the coffee machine. FML

#20201213
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17730) - you deserved it (7503)

On 12/11/2012 at 10:50pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

#4976961
417 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17729) - you deserved it (350975)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

#768625
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17726) - you deserved it (53863)

On 04/02/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by nokeys (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML

#19705574
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17723) - you deserved it (1723)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:34pm - misc - by wtf (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double Satisfaction". The waiter asked me what would I like to order. The words that came out of my mouth were "Double Orgasm". FML

#14796617
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17717) - you deserved it (37650)

On 02/01/2011 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by theshameofit (woman) - Cyprus (Limassol)

Today, I woke up at 10:30 feeling great and saying to myself, "Thank goodness it's the weekend!" I then realized it's Friday and I missed my final. FML

#10973350
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17713) - you deserved it (32252)

On 06/04/2010 at 7:58pm - misc - by H05T1L3 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

#7325738
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17712) - you deserved it (2610)

On 01/13/2010 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by cantgetitupcantgetiton (woman) - United States

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

#20154549
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17711) - you deserved it (3981)

On 11/08/2012 at 12:49am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I queued up for few hours in torrential rain to see the Harry Potter premiere. After just four hours sleep and waking at 3am, I fell asleep during film and missed the whole thing. FML

#3549389
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17710) - you deserved it (57460)

On 07/07/2009 at 7:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)



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