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Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

#20167613
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17129) - you deserved it (2045)

On 11/18/2012 at 2:04am - misc - by creys - United States

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

#4079125
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17129) - you deserved it (49918)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, the phone rang. I run to get the call, I trip, fall on a metal chair. Tears in my eyes and out of breath I pick up... "Hi, do you have a minute to answer a few questions? It's for a survey." FML

#1820
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17127) - you deserved it (3588)

On 01/20/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by Kika - Sent from mobile version

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

#1986687
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17127) - you deserved it (42925)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Ricky (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

#3971030
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17125) - you deserved it (68326)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by MitchFail (man) - United States

Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML

#2414317
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17124) - you deserved it (59700)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by theskippster - United States (Maryland)

Today, I accidentally took my mouthwash like a shot. I don't know what burned more, when it went down or when it came back up. FML

#19356706
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17123) - you deserved it (12111)

On 03/27/2012 at 10:00am - health - by halfasleep (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML

#1607608
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17122) - you deserved it (51472)

On 05/03/2009 at 8:36pm - misc - by Gjkashldf (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my dog to the vet and she was diagnosed with obesity. The vet then told me that dogs usually imitate their owners eating and behavior habits. FML

#26407
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17120) - you deserved it (22421)

On 02/11/2009 at 5:05pm - animals - by qwertyasdfghzxcv - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

#318197
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17119) - you deserved it (108452)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

#19166851
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17119) - you deserved it (29405)

On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)

Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during my lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML

#18499980
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17114) - you deserved it (43549)

On 12/13/2011 at 12:16am - health - by LogicalMolly - United States (North Carolina)

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when i'm drunk. I asked, "what about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

#2422
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17113) - you deserved it (3090)

On 01/24/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by the-yao - United States (California)



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