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Today, I found out that guys will only flirt with me when they're drunk, and even then only when they realize that my best friend is out of their league. FML

#20093311
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19576) - you deserved it (2080)

On 09/29/2012 at 7:16am - love - by kfenton - United States

Today, I tried talking to my boyfriend about our sex life. I was trying to express that I feel like we don't do it enough, but he wasn't very responsive. I ended up saying, "I wish you had a bigger sex drive" to which he answered, "I wish you had bigger boobs." FML

#7584154
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19575) - you deserved it (9034)

On 01/26/2010 at 1:56am - intimacy - by mairelys (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

#13754540
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19571) - you deserved it (5919)

On 11/07/2010 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I moved into my aunt's house. She had a little too much fun in the sixties and now tells everyone about her many imagined conquests, including her church minister and several has-been celebrities. As a plus, I discovered she has a habit of wandering around the house in the nude. FML

#8920023
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19571) - you deserved it (3039)

On 03/08/2010 at 2:31pm - misc - by Kristopher (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got my paycheck. I was really excited since I've been broke for the last two weeks. On my way home, I got pulled over and got a ticket for expired tags. The $90 for new tags plus $135 for the citation will leave me with enough to buy a burger. FML

#16645902
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19571) - you deserved it (26163)

On 06/13/2011 at 3:06pm - money - by fuckcops (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to a theme park. The first ride I went on broke down just as my cart reached the highest point. I had a nice view of my loving family laughing at me while management failed to fix the rollercoaster. FML

#20061769
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19571) - you deserved it (1566)

On 09/07/2012 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I had to tell my super-conservative parents that I had just gone to visit the boyfriend I'm not supposed to have so that I could tell him I am pregnant. FML

#113556
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19571) - you deserved it (51015)

On 02/23/2009 at 1:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML

#19479496
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19569) - you deserved it (5088)

On 04/16/2012 at 6:00pm - kids - by orangechicken (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

#21268936
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19565) - you deserved it (40070)

On 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm - misc - by ThatNewCarSmell (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

#18906586
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19558) - you deserved it (1822)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:50am - work - by replik - Russian Federation

Today, I was kicked out of a Family Dollar. My mom thought it would be fun to press all the buttons on the musical ceramic cathedrals so they would all play at the same time. FML

#13788203
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19556) - you deserved it (2623)

On 11/10/2010 at 8:16am - misc - by dearprudence89 - United States

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

#8636971
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19553) - you deserved it (4796)

On 02/25/2010 at 10:18am - misc - by popeye (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I laced up my fabulous new boots and walked outside to find my hot neighbor, with whom I carpool every morning. I struck a pose, feeling quite confident. Upon taking my first step down the stairs, I fell forward. I woke up an hour later with 7 stitches in my head. FML

#233704
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19551) - you deserved it (35753)

On 03/07/2009 at 12:16pm - misc - by Triple F (woman) - United States (Iowa)



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