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Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth removed. I went to see my boyfriend for comfort because I was in so much pain. The first thing he asked me when I saw him with huge cheeks? When would be the next time I could give him a blowjob. FML

#8771730
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18732) - you deserved it (3515)

On 03/02/2010 at 11:58am - intimacy - by fatcheeks (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I snuck out to go see my girlfriend. When I got to her house, I left my bike out front and we went on a nice walk around the block. We passed a homeless-looking woman going the opposite way. About ten minutes later, the same woman passed us, on my bike. FML

#20064141
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18730) - you deserved it (9482)

On 09/09/2012 at 1:38am - misc - by crabmunch15 - United States (California)

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

#748414
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18729) - you deserved it (110180)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm - health - by nic (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I learned that if you don't wrap your hair around a bristled curling iron the correct way, you end up getting it stuck, not to mention frying it. Three inches of my hair is now in the trash. FML

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

#2733266
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18725) - you deserved it (43021)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:45am - love - by Ryan746 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, the guy I like told me in casual conversation that I shouldn't get mad at him if he makes out with other girls at the bar, he only does it when he's drunk, that he doesn't really like them. We've been sleeping together for a week now. He met me at the bar. FML

#134877
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18722) - you deserved it (30749)

On 02/25/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by seriously? (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML

#578
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18723) - you deserved it (1725)

On 12/23/2008 at 2:43am - misc - by Plume - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to a baseball game. On the way in, I managed to trip and get stuck in the turnstile. It took five minutes of flailing and twisting around in front of hundreds of people before I managed to pull myself out. FML

#17646290
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18721) - you deserved it (3992)

On 09/02/2011 at 6:20pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML

#19877296
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18721) - you deserved it (7124)

On 07/01/2012 at 6:57pm - misc - by probablydeadbymidnight (woman) - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I stopped to take a pee in the lobby before I went in. I relaxed a bit too much at the urinal and accidentally farted. I chuckled about it like a 5-year old for a few seconds. The guy that had been next to me at the urinal was the interviewer. FML

#253814
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18717) - you deserved it (42394)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:45pm - work - by ADH2000 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

#19170840
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18716) - you deserved it (3390)

On 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm - misc - by slickrick22 (man) - United States

Today, I woke up late, didn't shave, didn't have time to iron my clothes, didn't eat breakfast, and ran into the office with beads of sweat running down my face. The meeting had been cancelled. FML

#813
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18711) - you deserved it (2550)

On 01/08/2009 at 2:42am - work - by Poopalipa - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML

#17605215
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18711) - you deserved it (2069)

On 08/28/2011 at 2:18pm - misc - by ant_hater (man) - United States (Kentucky)



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