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Today, my brother's home for his annual visit, lectures my parents once about their eating habits. They promptly throw away all of their junk food. I'm there every Sunday, and have been telling them to eat healthier for medical reasons. They never listen. He's in sales, and I'm in med school. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2010 at 3:47am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my finger nail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML

by Anonymous / 03/08/2012 at 7:30pm / Canada / Love

Today, I left my wallet on top of my car when I filled up with gas. I drove away and didn't realize it until I got home. I went back and found it on the side of the road. Empty of my credit cards, pictures and checks. All that was left was my driver's license. FML

by fml_seriouslyfml / 06/06/2009 at 9:11pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, like all days, my cat brought something to my doorstep. Usually it's a slew of dead mice; but today he decided to bring this big, ugly snake. I'm always the only one in my family 'brave' enough to go fetch our cat's gift. It took until lifting it up to realize the snake wasn't dead. FML

by Mary / 02/15/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (Delaware) / Animals

Today, I got called into work on my day off. I ended up being written up for being 15 minutes late to a shift I didn't even have. FML

by hell / 11/14/2015 at 4:08pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I received a letter in the mail stating that I had won a trip to Cancun, Mexico. It looked like a scam so I threw it away. I later found out that it was a birthday present from my cousin and the envelope also contained a check for 5 thousand dollars to help cover some expenses. FML

by Unluckyducky / 07/19/2009 at 6:11am / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, I had a dream that I was making pancakes. I need to get out more. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2015 at 9:43am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving with my boss and she held her breath as we drove past a cell tower, because she didn't want to "breathe in any radiation." I have to take orders from this moron. FML

by Heavy D / 09/06/2012 at 9:45am / United States / Work

Today, I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music being too loud, and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML

by time to put you down, gran / 12/01/2012 at 5:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend called me and said she needs to take a break from our relationship. Why? Her really clingy ex is really depressed about her dating someone else and he isn't ready to accept it. So she wants to take a break "for his sake" until he's over her. FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2015 at 12:36pm / Finland (Western Finland) / Love

Today, the father of my unborn child told me he isn't sure he'll be able to make it to the birth, since there's no guarantee of when it will happen, so he can't schedule time off. This would be understandable if he actually had a job. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2012 at 1:50pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex-fiancée's new boyfriend phoned me to ask what her ring size is. FML

by Anon / 09/06/2015 at 8:50am / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Love

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She got incredibly excited and started flapping her hands around. Then she suddenly went deadpan and said "But seriously... no." FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2015 at 3:19am / United States (Washington) / Love