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Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

#20106895
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24486) - you deserved it (4410)

On 10/08/2012 at 1:31am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

#21451593
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24485) - you deserved it (1831)

On 08/04/2015 at 12:23am - misc - by MomStayOutOfTheCar - United States

Today, my elderly neighbor used his snowblower to send all of the fallen leaves in his yard into mine, which I'd raked earlier that morning. FML

#18271256
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24483) - you deserved it (2192)

On 11/17/2011 at 7:43am - misc - by leaf hater - United States

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

#21165218
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24482) - you deserved it (41093)

On 06/06/2014 at 6:01pm - health - by shartface12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my parents staged a family intervention and gave me the grandest bollocking I've ever experienced in all my 22 years of life. They did this because my sister showed them a photo of me jokingly posing with three bottles of Bud Light at a party. Apparently, I'm an alcoholic in denial. FML

#18065493
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24481) - you deserved it (4413)

On 10/24/2011 at 6:46pm - misc - by wtf (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

#13615368
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24479) - you deserved it (2692)

On 10/27/2010 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by thjeltz - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got home and realized that I didn't have my keys and my mum had said she wasn't going to be home till the next morning. After a long wait I decided I'd have to break a window to get in. Almost immediately after closing the door I watched as my mum pulled up in the driveway. FML

Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML

#13861463
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24477) - you deserved it (3867)

On 11/16/2010 at 2:13am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I walked into my house with a couple of friends and I saw my girlfriend doing laundry. I jokingly asked her if she had time to do a load of mine as well. She scoffed and said, "Yeah babe, I'll gladly do your laundry... The same day you learn to wipe properly." FML

#21058908
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24477) - you deserved it (51851)

On 02/13/2014 at 7:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

#13070220
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24475) - you deserved it (18844)

On 09/16/2010 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML

#17775098
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24474) - you deserved it (3303)

On 09/18/2011 at 8:23pm - love - by DeadScared (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

#19530940
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24474) - you deserved it (4115)

On 04/26/2012 at 3:11am - misc - by somefamily (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

#19607657
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24472) - you deserved it (3675)

On 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)



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