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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was eating lunch, and accidentally got ketchup on the sofa, so I hastily doused it with stain remover. The ketchup is now no longer there; however there is a larger stain in its place. I stained the sofa with stain remover. FML

#19673245
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19157) - you deserved it (4018)

On 05/24/2012 at 3:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML

#6001127
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19147) - you deserved it (43279)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:27am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized I have more in common with a cantaloupe than I do with my boyfriend. FML

#19562059
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19148) - you deserved it (4503)

On 05/02/2012 at 2:16am - love - by muddled (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I realized that even though I was an honor student throughout school, and considered the golden child who was going to go far in life, all I've accomplished a year after graduation is becoming an unemployed single mother still living with my parents. FML

#15535054
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19144) - you deserved it (27280)

On 03/28/2011 at 7:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up and spun me around like they do in the movies, but not before grimacing, taking a deep breath, and muttering "one, two, three... and... uuuppp!" FML

#19946239
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19144) - you deserved it (5046)

On 07/16/2012 at 4:51pm - misc - by dogmom (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

#20097230
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19144) - you deserved it (1340)

On 10/01/2012 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, while walking around my college campus, I passed by a dorm where a drunk guy was peeing out one of the top floor windows while his drunk friends cheered him on. That guy is my boyfriend. Lucky me. FML

#19883024
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19137) - you deserved it (6079)

On 07/02/2012 at 9:53pm - misc - by 21! (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind me thinks no one in the surrounding area is home, he likes to take his laundry off the line wearing nothing but a pair of sandals. FML

#18923298
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19136) - you deserved it (2257)

On 01/27/2012 at 6:19am - misc - by disturbedtosaytheleast (woman) - Canada

Today, at work, one of my 6 year old students who has had intense speech therapy since kindergarten, told me "I can tell you're hot, because you rolled your sleeves up." I was very pleased with his articulate sentence, until he said "Your arms are hairy." FML

#14063291
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19134) - you deserved it (3778)

On 12/02/2010 at 7:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

#691341
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19133) - you deserved it (86986)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:08pm - animals - by trainE - United States (Michigan)

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

#820879
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19132) - you deserved it (254118)

On 04/05/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by funnyguyNOT (man) - United States

Today, I wanted nothing more than to go home and get into bed. While I was unlocking my front door, the flimsy key snapped off inside the lock. A locksmith was called out, who did nothing but sadistically guffaw at my misfortune and crack sarcastic jokes as he undid the lock. FML

#20399681
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19131) - you deserved it (2234)

On 12/14/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I woke up to an email confirming my membership to a dating site. Turns out my mother is as annoyed by my loveless life as I am. FML

#19708728
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19127) - you deserved it (2080)

On 05/31/2012 at 7:29am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)



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