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Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

#20977883
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18641) - you deserved it (49025)

On 12/02/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by car keyer (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML

#19462191
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18639) - you deserved it (3975)

On 04/13/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML

#20061073
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18635) - you deserved it (2119)

On 09/06/2012 at 9:56pm - kids - by Chouse - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

#3089215
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18634) - you deserved it (30883)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:20pm - misc - by carpetoops (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while cleaning behind a ladder, I banged my head on one of the hand rails. I stood up, cursed, and moved to the other side. To my luck, I hit the other side of my head. I now have two lumps perfectly placed as horns on my head. FML

#13086565
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18633) - you deserved it (6057)

On 09/17/2010 at 2:37pm - work - by login_eddy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

#20114676
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18633) - you deserved it (2691)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:22am - kids - by Shiverice - United States (Michigan)

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

#20129768
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18633) - you deserved it (3753)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:01pm - misc - by afraidofcans - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

#2103981
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18631) - you deserved it (88062)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I noticed that the injury on my hand from three weeks ago no longer hurt. A while later, I accidentally slammed that same hand in a door. FML

#15576968
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18631) - you deserved it (14342)

On 03/31/2011 at 4:53pm - health - by BudmaudeY (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, it was my husband's and my anniversary. He was at work, so I decided to dress up "sexy". You know, the typical lacey thong and fishnets. I heard the door open, and what I thought was him was actually my brother who'd visited to wish me a happy anniversary. FML

#6199211
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18630) - you deserved it (5028)

On 11/07/2009 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by sexysue (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML

#20443271
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18629) - you deserved it (4610)

On 01/05/2013 at 12:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML

#2119
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18627) - you deserved it (3486)

On 01/21/2009 at 7:44pm - misc - by Daryll - United States (California)

Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML

#19577517
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18626) - you deserved it (3392)

On 05/05/2012 at 2:12pm - misc - by leftoutdrunk - Canada (Alberta)



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