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Today, I took my cat to the vet's. When the vet took her temperature anally, I couldn't stop laughing. The vet had to ask me to leave the room. FML

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

#5876173
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19846) - you deserved it (2058)

On 10/18/2009 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that over the course of this winter, there have been more snow days in Atlanta than days in which I have ever been on a date. FML

#8774355
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19845) - you deserved it (4581)

On 03/02/2010 at 3:04pm - love - by lonelyashell (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and waved at the driver of the car who'd stopped, just to say thank you. She stuck her middle finger up at me. FML

#19515959
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19843) - you deserved it (2448)

On 04/23/2012 at 9:00am - misc - by hoggypig -

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

#15661118
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19842) - you deserved it (32884)

On 04/06/2011 at 2:22am - animals - by mottephobe - United States (Utah)

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

#20043150
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19840) - you deserved it (12051)

On 08/26/2012 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by unfucked (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML

#7158529
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19838) - you deserved it (3304)

On 01/05/2010 at 2:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I left my sunroof on my truck open for 5 minutes while I ran into the bank. When I came out a seagull had gotten into my truck. I managed to open the doors and get it out but not before it tore up a seat and pooped everywhere inside my truck. FML

#19914260
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19833) - you deserved it (6502)

On 07/09/2012 at 11:44am - misc - by seagull hater - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, when I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart. He swore at me for being a pig, hung up, and has ignored all my subsequent calls. I try not to date idiots, but it's like I have a big old shithead-attracting magnet attached to me or something. FML

#19720821
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19831) - you deserved it (13151)

On 06/02/2012 at 12:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML

#17606157
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19825) - you deserved it (7537)

On 08/28/2011 at 4:10pm - misc - by Ryan (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my mom found her CD of cats and dogs singing Christmas songs. That is what I'll be listening to until Christmas. FML

#20186305
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19824) - you deserved it (1612)

On 12/01/2012 at 5:00am - misc - by hinowdie - United States

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

#6710646
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19822) - you deserved it (7474)

On 12/11/2009 at 4:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my brother, the plumber, was called to unblock a toilet. Whenever this occurs, he takes a photo of it and sends it to me. It always seems to happen around meal time. FML

#19743294
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19822) - you deserved it (1862)

On 06/06/2012 at 8:55am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)



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