Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I put my hamster in his ball, and spent about an hour cleaning his cage. When I came back, I realized he wasn't even alive. FML

#8189417
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22418) - you deserved it (6516)

On 02/13/2010 at 12:04am - animals - by Chris - United States (California)

Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML

#19249177
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22417) - you deserved it (4302)

On 03/10/2012 at 1:04am - love - by atsukobo - United States

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

#15087841
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22416) - you deserved it (42899)

On 02/23/2011 at 5:06am - intimacy - by failed (man) - Switzerland (Vaud)

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

#19653798
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22416) - you deserved it (1759)

On 05/20/2012 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML

#17474756
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22415) - you deserved it (6443)

On 08/14/2011 at 10:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I was working in a call center when I smelled perfume. I'm allergic, and it triggered my asthma. When I came back, some jerk had sprayed it all over my work area. I couldn't go near it for the rest of my shift, therefore I had to go home early, and got my paycheck docked. FML

#20143862
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22414) - you deserved it (1843)

On 11/02/2012 at 12:13am - work - by John - United States

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

Today, I had to explain to my 23-year-old female friend that when I get my hysterectomy, I will still be able to poop. FML

#21398063
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22422) - you deserved it (1793)

On 04/22/2015 at 5:46pm - health - by biomajor99 - United States (New York)

Today, I was bored and all alone while cleaning at work. This led me to start passionately doing a ballet dance in the empty corridor. I promptly stopped as I remembered the surveillance cameras. FML

#17490024
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22408) - you deserved it (10334)

On 08/16/2011 at 12:55pm - work - by secret dancer (woman) - Sweden (Jonkopings Lan)

Today, while at work, a man came up to me and screamed that I was the devil's child, pointing at the tattoo on my wrist the whole time. I just stood there while he prayed for my soul. FML

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

#8765268
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22406) - you deserved it (2517)

On 03/02/2010 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Lin - United States (California)

Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML

#19508765
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22406) - you deserved it (4021)

On 04/21/2012 at 11:27pm - health - by JurassicHole (man) - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

#5772637
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22406) - you deserved it (3622)

On 10/11/2009 at 6:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Newport)



FML's blog

  • FML's Question Time #2: School
  • We tried this before and it went pretty well, so here's another blog section for everyone to have give their opinion on a popular but controversial subject. OK, we're not debating a…

Thursday 23 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: