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Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML

#16304417
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21961) - you deserved it (43519)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:58pm - misc - by lemonhead -

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

#20170012
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21988) - you deserved it (2062)

On 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML

#19024888
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21986) - you deserved it (1693)

On 02/08/2012 at 6:27am - misc - by 3.14 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

#2842632
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21985) - you deserved it (73185)

On 06/12/2009 at 9:47pm - love - by Paco4242 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I realized that the full body wax I got two weeks ago that my wife told me would look sexy doesn't just make me look like a completely hairless ten-year-old boy. The ingrown hairs everywhere now make me look like someone with chicken pox. FML

#13443862
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21984) - you deserved it (6562)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:05am - health - by mikey - United States (Michigan)

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

#19260934
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21982) - you deserved it (3300)

On 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm - animals - by weep weep weep (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, I poured my heart out to my dad. He nodded and looked sympathetic throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what I should do. He replied, "How the hell should I know?" and awkwardly left my room. FML

#17776041
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21981) - you deserved it (5067)

On 09/18/2011 at 10:07pm - love - by Lisa - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was running a marathon for my school. Two hot girls started talking to me, so I glanced at them and smiled. I turned back, just in time to knee a little boy in the face. FML

#13662632
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21979) - you deserved it (7007)

On 10/31/2010 at 11:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend decided to have a birthday party for me at this new bar. She texted the wrong address to all of my friends. They showed up at a computer store. FML

#8675398
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21978) - you deserved it (2357)

On 02/26/2010 at 10:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went into hysterics and started crying when my boyfriend pulled out a Tiffany's box at dinner. Then I found out he'd used the old box to make the $15 earrings he bought seem more "special." FML

#19954644
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21978) - you deserved it (12529)

On 07/18/2012 at 1:03pm - love - by NoRingForMe (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my friends set me up on a blind date. I thought it went well, and while saying our goodbyes, I leaned in to give her a kiss. She pulled way, laughed, "I'm not drunk enough for that," and left. FML

#20039589
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21976) - you deserved it (3241)

On 08/24/2012 at 5:00pm - love - by OMFG I LOVE MLP - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML

#20173791
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21975) - you deserved it (1479)

On 11/22/2012 at 12:35pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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