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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I finally found my watch after weeks searching for it. It was on my teacher's wrist. FML

#21416691
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1044) - you deserved it (67)

On 05/27/2015 at 3:40pm - misc - by concom - Cyprus

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

#21415859
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22506) - you deserved it (1571)

On 05/26/2015 at 1:09am - misc - by meh (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was wrestling in a tournament. I was in the finals about to win when the kid threw up on me. They thought I'd hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him throw up, so they disqualified me. FML

#21415763
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22133) - you deserved it (1433)

On 05/25/2015 at 10:24pm - misc - by wrestling probs - United States

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

#21415473
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26463) - you deserved it (1918)

On 05/25/2015 at 12:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML

Today, my housemates are throwing a huge house party to celebrate finishing their finals. It's 4:30am and people are still arriving. I have my last final in 3 hours. FML

#21415194
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25396) - you deserved it (1870)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:59pm - misc - by Party Pooper - United States

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23280) - you deserved it (9192)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

#21414941
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21524) - you deserved it (5639)

On 05/24/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by kalvin (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

#21414914
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24240) - you deserved it (2119)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:56am - misc - by Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

#21414880
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23993) - you deserved it (2126)

On 05/24/2015 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

#21414664
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24191) - you deserved it (2866)

On 05/23/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by Vlen (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dad came to my 8-year-old daughter's birthday party wearing a shirt that said "Small penis, huge dick." FML

#21414312
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26055) - you deserved it (2065)

On 05/23/2015 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

#21414271
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23796) - you deserved it (5044)

On 05/23/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by Strainer - United States (California)



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