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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I met my new roommate. I hadn't even gotten her name yet, because the first thing she said to me instead was that she wanted to hang her confederate flag on the wall. I'm black. FML

#21326235
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4394) - you deserved it (488)

On 12/29/2014 at 12:00am - misc - by okay17 - United States

Today, my parents threw a hissy fit calling me ungrateful and disrespectful for wanting to do laundry and clean at home, instead of going out to their friends' house for dinner. They also disconnected the Internet to punish me when they left. I'm 20 and visiting home on a college break. FML

#21326232
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5367) - you deserved it (519)

On 12/28/2014 at 11:55pm - misc - by justwantedtounpack - United States

Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML

#21325871
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21990) - you deserved it (1501)

On 12/28/2014 at 1:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom and I went to exchange a massive stuffed animal, which was meant for my niece. I was carrying it when I saw a really hot guy looking at me funny. My mom snickered and told him that I never go anywhere without "George". FML

#21325643
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20201) - you deserved it (1891)

On 12/28/2014 at 1:52am - misc - by thanks a lot mom - United States (California)

Today, my mom finally got a Netflix account after months of me begging. When I asked her what the login was, she refused to give it to me. She said, "Netflix will know it's not me and then they'll cancel our account." FML

Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML

#21325373
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22632) - you deserved it (3392)

On 12/27/2014 at 3:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I've spent far too long on hold to Apple customer support. Unfortunately the only thing to come from it is I now have "Call me maybe" stuck in my head. FML

#21325140
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20729) - you deserved it (2474)

On 12/27/2014 at 5:12am - misc - by still on hol - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML

#21324815
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11002) - you deserved it (27481)

On 12/26/2014 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to drive my husband to hospital after he tried to burn his pubes off with a lighter as part of a bet. On the upside, he probably won't be bugging me for sex for a while. On the downside, I'm married to a moron. FML

#21324724
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26429) - you deserved it (4211)

On 12/26/2014 at 2:28pm - misc - by If IQs could be negative... (woman) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I told my father I'm going to a club with a friend and staying the night at my friend's place. He asked for my friend's name, number, and address so he knows where I'll be. I'm 30 years old. FML

Today, a friend invited me to christmas dinner since I have no family close by. When I got there she told me her and her husband forgot they had another dinner to go to and asked if I would watch their kids for them. They each grabbed a handful of cookies I had baked and rushed out the door. FML

#21324456
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30152) - you deserved it (2193)

On 12/26/2014 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I accidentally texted my mother instead of my drug dealer. FML

#21324443
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14331) - you deserved it (40344)

On 12/26/2014 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my dad has discovered selfies and my mom has discovered taking pictures of food. Now I'm at a restaurant, suffering through it all and not being able to eat anything until my mom has taken pictures of it. FML

#21324090
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24123) - you deserved it (2001)

On 12/25/2014 at 4:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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Friday 26 December 2014

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