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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive girl chose me to be on her team. We were playing well and hitting it off. I had decided to ask for her number after the game, until I smashed the ball in her face, resulting in her having a broken nose. FML

#21450928
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4575) - you deserved it (624)

On 08/02/2015 at 3:45pm - misc - by ChildishKeynote - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend hasn't showered in two weeks. He says he doesn't want his "manliness" to wash off. FML

#21450770
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12668) - you deserved it (1313)

On 08/02/2015 at 5:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

#21450453
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19249) - you deserved it (1255)

On 08/01/2015 at 1:17pm - misc - by Son of a Bitch - United States

Today, driving to work, I stop to let an old man cross the street. The driver behind me honks their horn, so I decide to drive slow to piss them off. A few turns later, I pull into the car park and notice the other driver following me. She works in the office next to mine. We met the other day. FML

#21450445
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15007) - you deserved it (4435)

On 08/01/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Hellasboy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was on the phone with my senile grandma, when I told her I had to go because I had an appointment at the clinic. For some reason, she assumed I was talking about an abortion clinic, and started raging at me and calling me a murderer. FML

#21450246
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17980) - you deserved it (1332)

On 07/31/2015 at 11:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I witnessed my dad spreading his ass cheeks to show my mom the rashes his hemorrhoids are giving him. FML

#21450116
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18813) - you deserved it (1598)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:48pm - misc - by smf_ds - Portugal (Porto)

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML

#21450062
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21520) - you deserved it (1671)

On 07/31/2015 at 2:28pm - misc - by ppema (man) - United States

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

#21449719
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20752) - you deserved it (3769)

On 07/30/2015 at 10:06pm - misc - by Just wanted a cigarette (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML

#21449663
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18811) - you deserved it (1496)

On 07/30/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by EmbarrassedChild - United States

Today, I was detained for trying to "illegally enter" my house, all because my parents forgot to tell me they were being evicted. FML

#21449546
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23234) - you deserved it (1360)

On 07/30/2015 at 1:38pm - misc - by College_Grad (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out "hello" had turned into a date. FML

#21449387
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23306) - you deserved it (1955)

On 07/30/2015 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

#21449249
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20117) - you deserved it (2668)

On 07/29/2015 at 9:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I came home to find my mom drunk. She asked me for a hug and then started crying, "Where's my daughter?" I'm her daughter. And her only child, as far as I know. FML

#21449052
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19686) - you deserved it (1332)

On 07/29/2015 at 1:07pm - misc - by roselysunset (woman) - United States (California)



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