Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML

by Mj / 07/19/2016 at 8:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2016 at 12:14pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, the favorite activity of the four kids I'm babysitting is running up to me when I least expect it and farting on me. I can't even sit down without them attacking me with their butts. FML

by ihatekids / 07/14/2016 at 4:43pm / Kids

Today, my parents were supposed to take me out to eat for my birthday, but since their favorite child wasn't with us, I instead got a mini order of tots from Sonic as my birthday meal/present. FML

by Bestbirthday / 07/11/2016 at 9:04pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my son finally got a job for the first time in his life. He only did it so he can upgrade his PC and buy Overwatch. He's 24. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2016 at 3:58am / Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya) / Kids

Today, after far too many times of my brother stealing food out of my own personal mini fridge, I bought a lock and chained the handles together. I came back to find that my brother had responded by breaking the doors off their hinges. FML

by WhatTheF / 07/11/2016 at 1:42am / Kids

Today, I walked in on my son flopping around on the floor with a blanket wrapped around his legs. Apparently at age 22, he'd rather pretend to be a mermaid than go out and get a damn job. FML

by Anonymous / 07/09/2016 at 12:09am / Kids

Today, I clogged the toilet at my boyfriend's house. I couldn't fix it and was too ashamed to say anything. I can't handle confrontation, so I had to just sit there as my boyfriend's brother ended up getting blamed, then grounded for "lying" about it not being his fault. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2016 at 2:47pm / Kids

Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML

by tiredmom / 07/07/2016 at 11:03am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I went to visit my best friend at her house. I saw her five-year-old brother playing in the front yard, and as I walked up to the door he shouted, "Boobs are here! Boobs are here!" FML

by boobswerehere / 07/07/2016 at 3:15am / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML

by srhoa01 / 07/05/2016 at 2:42am / Kids

Today, I went to my friend's little brother's birthday party. A few of the younger kids were hitting me with a pool noodle, and I didn't really care until a 9-year-old loudly exclaimed, "Hit her in the pussy!" FML

by punmessiah / 07/04/2016 at 2:09am / United States (Texas) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after 3 days of interrupted sleep, I confronted my new neighbor about the noise his wife keeps making during their "private time". He then let me know the noise is actually from his daughter, who's mentally disabled and isn't taking the move well. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2016 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Kids