Today, I got a very nice compliment on my bra. But it was from a five-year-old after her 6-month-old brother threw up on my shirt. FML

by thenanny / 08/15/2016 at 1:14pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, while at the public swimming pool, I gave my 2-year-old daughter a piggy back ride in the pool. We were having fun until I realized she had untied my swim top. FML

by geli / 08/08/2016 at 8:12pm / Kids

Today, my 12-year-old sister, who sometimes has difficulty coming up with the right words while speaking, used the word "intercourse" to replace "encounter". She was joking to my dad that she, "had an 'intercourse' with Bob Dylan." I can't get the image out of my head. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2016 at 8:04pm / Kids

Today, my 15-year-old son was waiting in the car for me after driving around to build up hours for his permit. He then decided it was a good idea to quickly drive over to catch a Pokemon nearby. He didn't count on getting pulled over for texting and driving while underage without an adult though. FML

by ButItWasRareDad! / 08/03/2016 at 6:21pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I went to the eye doctor with my little brother. There were only three chairs and one was occupied by a woman. I sat at the far end, but as soon as I sat down, I heard my little brother yell out loud, "I DON'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO THE FAT LADY!" FML

by reallydevonte / 08/01/2016 at 1:30pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML

by ulrika / 07/23/2016 at 9:09pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I walked into my son's room to be attacked by a swarm of flies. I'm afraid to go back in there. FML

by ENDmySUFFERING / 07/21/2016 at 11:25am / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Kids

Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney World. They were so eager to get there, they decided they'd clean the fuel system themselves while I was at work, namely by pouring Tide into the gas tank. FML

by DoubledTrouble / 07/21/2016 at 7:58am / United States (District of Columbia) / Kids

Today, my daughter decided to drench our carpets with water, to "make them grow like plants". She's 9. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2016 at 1:20pm / United States / Kids

Today, I farted in a public pool and watched in horror as bubbles of death gas floated up beside my son who started calling me the fart monster in front of everyone. FML

by Mj / 07/19/2016 at 8:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2016 at 12:14pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, the favorite activity of the four kids I'm babysitting is running up to me when I least expect it and farting on me. I can't even sit down without them attacking me with their butts. FML

by ihatekids / 07/14/2016 at 4:43pm / Kids

Today, my parents were supposed to take me out to eat for my birthday, but since their favorite child wasn't with us, I instead got a mini order of tots from Sonic as my birthday meal/present. FML

by Bestbirthday / 07/11/2016 at 9:04pm / United States (Texas) / Kids