Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60166) - you deserved it (5770)
On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37562) - you deserved it (3201)
On 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54239) - you deserved it (6556)
On 03/27/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37594) - you deserved it (3883)
On 03/26/2013 at 8:07am - intimacy - by SwinginSolo (woman) - United States
Today, my roommates decided to hold an intervention. They told me I would have to break up with my boyfriend because they don't want people having sex in our apartment during college exams. My boyfriend agreed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28255) - you deserved it (3949)
On 03/24/2013 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by Tooloud (woman) - Canada
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39506) - you deserved it (4876)
On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)
Today, while making love to my boyfriend for the first time, I moaned his name. He freaked out over how I wasn't over my ex, and angrily left. They have the same name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43368) - you deserved it (5144)
On 03/23/2013 at 12:43am - intimacy - by nraecher (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure. After I was tied to the bed, she tickled me until I pissed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37714) - you deserved it (7388)
On 03/21/2013 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by ldn (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29024) - you deserved it (11774)
On 03/21/2013 at 6:01am - intimacy - by meeee (woman) - United States
Today, I realized that the smell of chlorine has started to turn me on, probably because my girlfriend has an indoor pool in her house. Guess who works as a swim instructor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30707) - you deserved it (3325)
On 03/20/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33437) - you deserved it (3670)
On 03/20/2013 at 7:07am - intimacy - by Why son, why? (man) - United States
Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37424) - you deserved it (14810)
On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33539) - you deserved it (2453)
On 03/19/2013 at 7:30am - intimacy - by soontobesingle (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Monday 20 May 2013
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