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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63051) - you deserved it (6892)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

#20615694
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58341) - you deserved it (6864)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Soundofaboner - United States

Today, I walked in on my brother giving his best friend a hand-job. I can't unsee this. FML

#20615168
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69824) - you deserved it (8244)

On 04/23/2013 at 2:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandpa moved into the apartment next door. The walls are wafer-thin. Goodbye sex life. FML

#20613352
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45517) - you deserved it (4775)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by LesbianHonest (woman) - Canada

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to convince my husband that I'm not having an affair all because I refused to have sex with him. Apparently the fact that I gave birth to our twins 10 days ago isn't a good enough reason to turn him down. FML

#20609608
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63826) - you deserved it (5696)

On 04/21/2013 at 6:20am - intimacy - by loving wife - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

#20604222
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38318) - you deserved it (16713)

On 04/19/2013 at 2:00am - intimacy - by Wallz99 (man) - Pakistan (Azad Kashmir)

Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML

#20604154
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39030) - you deserved it (7361)

On 04/19/2013 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

#20598564
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55190) - you deserved it (10108)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

#20597351
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38013) - you deserved it (5917)

On 04/16/2013 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57287) - you deserved it (14385)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

#20596072
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58345) - you deserved it (9475)

On 04/16/2013 at 9:27am - intimacy - by notacaveman (man) - Netherlands

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

#20592968
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48851) - you deserved it (8911)

On 04/15/2013 at 5:09am - intimacy - by JRLJLS (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

#20592767
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43264) - you deserved it (8102)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:04am - intimacy - by twinArmageddon2 - United States (California)



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