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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML

#717975
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24950) - you deserved it (83475)

On 03/31/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Alex (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

#713062
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (111584) - you deserved it (5879)

On 03/30/2009 at 9:43pm - intimacy - by Julie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms. While I was loading the bags into his cart he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me "I'd take you home with me but chances are I would be arrested". FML

#711978
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101589) - you deserved it (5284)

On 03/30/2009 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

#709735
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105819) - you deserved it (7821)

On 03/30/2009 at 8:06pm - intimacy - by Jenny (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at my boyfriends house and we were having sex. He has a game on in the background and one of his friends started talking to him. He immediately threw me off and said "I have to answer this." He went over to his computer and started talking to them. FML

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

#694537
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86507) - you deserved it (34473)

On 03/29/2009 at 11:49pm - intimacy - by Cynical (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the phone to make a call and had heard it all. FML

#690128
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32831) - you deserved it (72557)

On 03/29/2009 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Bucko321 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

#681492
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26586) - you deserved it (80477)

On 03/29/2009 at 3:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had 'something serious' to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was 2 hours long. FML

#662382
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86576) - you deserved it (6900)

On 03/28/2009 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by linren (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

#661322
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68070) - you deserved it (35920)

On 03/28/2009 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by Chelsea (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

#658830
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (114436) - you deserved it (12609)

On 03/28/2009 at 9:34am - intimacy - by lice (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

#653658
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90545) - you deserved it (8939)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by VampiresSayRawr (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

#640926
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95134) - you deserved it (6174)

On 03/27/2009 at 10:13am - intimacy - by tehhotness (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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