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Today, my mother got a call from our old high school saying that they had fifteen freshmen boys in his office with a nude photo of me on their phones. I had sent that photo only to my boyfriend. Apparently he loves to share me. FML

#167901
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27768) - you deserved it (82074)

On 03/01/2009 at 1:58am - intimacy - by fmlisthebomb (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

#160435
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27337) - you deserved it (94943)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

#150928
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60308) - you deserved it (13887)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by facepalm (woman) - Singapore

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

#148827
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110326) - you deserved it (11635)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my parents' address for the billing information because I didn't want the bill sent to my dorm after I moved out. The toys were sent to my parents house instead. FML

#145480
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15774) - you deserved it (71510)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by JessP (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

#142795
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (250990) - you deserved it (59687)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous. I kissed her and she immediately smacked me. I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML

#142749
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15832) - you deserved it (88777)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

#139747
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76005) - you deserved it (18753)

On 02/25/2009 at 11:51pm - intimacy - by jsw029 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around. I was sitting up on my bed when he reached down near my privates and said, "Wow babe, did you shave today? It's so soft..." He was actually touching my bottom roll above my vagina which delightfully formed a crease. FML

#139235
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52093) - you deserved it (19962)

On 02/25/2009 at 11:09pm - intimacy - by sopathetic (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

#138318
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14149) - you deserved it (68329)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:01pm - intimacy - by banana (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looks at my clock and says "I have to go LOST is on in 20 minutes." FML

#135625
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63556) - you deserved it (8160)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by notmyday (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (121715) - you deserved it (22142)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)



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