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Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

#21521769
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19005) - you deserved it (4731)

On 02/01/2016 at 12:00pm - intimacy - by IsThisRealLife (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I confronted my husband about a pair of panties I found in his office. They're his. He put them on to show me that they fit. FML

Today, my girlfriend came home and spontaneously wanted to have sex for the first time in about a year. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and had just came from an AA meeting. She reeked of alcohol, I couldn't get hard because of it and she got pissed at me. She says she won't be spontaneous again. FML

#21519928
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22105) - you deserved it (1829)

On 01/27/2016 at 1:04am - intimacy - by FullCircleProblem (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend wasn't kidding when she said that if I hit her cervix just the 'right' way during sex, she'd puke. I was on the bottom. FML

Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

#21519039
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21923) - you deserved it (3876)

On 01/24/2016 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML

#21518840
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17438) - you deserved it (7231)

On 01/24/2016 at 10:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my neighbors in the apartment above me yet again had a loud fight, well past midnight while I was trying to sleep. I stood on my bed and pounded on the ceiling to shut them up. And now I'll have to explain the two fist-shaped holes in the ceiling to my landlord. FML

#21518447
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18368) - you deserved it (7611)

On 01/23/2016 at 2:49am - intimacy - by soon to have a fist shaped hole in my ass (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad let me borrow his phone while I wait for mine to get back from the shop. I guess he forgot to pass the news along, because within 4 hours I'd received a picture of my mom's tits. FML

#21518424
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21743) - you deserved it (1813)

On 01/23/2016 at 12:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

#21517614
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20519) - you deserved it (3224)

On 01/20/2016 at 11:41pm - intimacy - by Garfield - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

#21517345
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18595) - you deserved it (2366)

On 01/20/2016 at 11:09am - intimacy - by sadandmad - United States (Florida)

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

#21517065
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16616) - you deserved it (5676)

On 01/19/2016 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by xsnqw - United States (California)

Today, I had sex with a guy I met at a party and passed out in his bed. When I woke up at 3 am, he sat up and said, "You're still here?" FML

#21517022
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17092) - you deserved it (8288)

On 01/19/2016 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by clostar - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

#21516882
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19471) - you deserved it (2213)

On 01/19/2016 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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