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Illustrated FML (272) - About FMyLife (38) - Videos (34) - Ramblings (14) - Books (9) - Competitions (6) - Special guests (6)

The FML friend request

Goooooooooooooodmorning! So how was your wall this week? Full of not-so-private messages? Yeah, us too. As you already saw, today's comic is all about Facebook. And before you ask, the illustrations we publish are made weeks before their publication, so no need to call Fox News too tell them it's a conspiracy. Sow, our artist of the day, and I have NOTHING to do with it. If we wanted to mess with Facebook, we would have created a fantastic tool that would automatically change any pictures of booze with kitties. Then you could be friends with your mom or your boss without suffering the consequences. But that's a whole other story. Let's get to the interview shall we.

 

 

-What are your name, surname and nickame? 
-I am Sow Ay, I don't like saying my real name since many people really think my name is Sow, so I won't spoil it. 

-And why did you choose this nickname?
-Sow Ay because "So Why".

-How old are you?
-I'm 21 ( but people usually think I'm 16.) 

-Where do you live?
-I live in France, but I'm thinking of moving to the UK.

-What do you dor for a living? 
-At the moment, I'm a graphic designer, but after my fixed-term contract I'll see..

 

 

-What's your journey? 
-After my A level, it was kind of chaos, I couldn't find a public school which would accept me so I did as I could, internships, little jobs, workshops, short graphic design training, imaginary friends and worlds. And working by myself on many projects and collaborations on spacegeek.fr and my blog.

-What are your inspirations? 
-Hmm.. My inspiration comes from all and nothing... I spend a lot of time on the internet watching many things, TV shows, comics, listening to music, reading some blogs, reading some stupid and useless news. I have to admit that I love trolling some stupid girlies (we call them "kikoolol" in French) on facebook, which are the subject of some of the notes on my blog. And listening to music again and again. I like thinking of new worlds and atmospheres with music in my ears... My inspiration is very extensive and I would like my creative universe to be extensive too.

-Do you read webcomics ? If so, which ones?
-If I follow paper comics instead of author on the internet, is it okay ? I still like having the real comics in my hands. The webcomics I read are especially short comics.

 

-Tell us more about your website?
-My blog is a place in which I show many of my works, many different projects, share some funny stuff (real or not). It is a part of my world. I am the manager and my characters are helping me. But my projects are not only there, I am actually wondering what I am gonna do of with projects... I don't even know where I will be in 2 weeks! There are many ideas in my mind, comics, music, some weird atmospheres I would like to make happen. I don't know at all what the result will be... But I want it to be really HUGE... Just Wait and See... So much progress to make... (Damn, I'm going on about my life, I hate that!)

-Ah, last question before we let you go eat Camembert again. Why did you choose this FML story? 
-Maybe it's my facebook addict side... It also reminds me a stupid anecdote, I asked a dude who he was on facebook (he had one of my works as a cover picture), and 2 months afterwards, I finally understood by seeing his name that it was my father... FML!

 

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Sow's website, and yes, it's in English Sow-Ay


If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do! 

 

 

#1326 - Illustrated FML - On 09/27/2012 at 1:43pm by Alice - 6 comments

FML's Awkward Bodies

 
     Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML
 
     No matter how old we are, we all go through phases in our lives when our bodies let us down. We droop, we smell, we break, we sprain, we trip over ourselves, gases seep out when we least expect them to, nature calls when we clearly want to be left alone, our nerves make us sweat, bumble, mumble, blurt, spurt and fumble. We want to do our best, but out bodies wont let us, our minds and our organs are constantly fighting a battle, and our minds are losing big time. The brillant Louis C.K. said of his first sexual encounter with a girl, “As soon as she touched my dick, I came and started farting.” You can imagine that on FML we have a large selection of this sort of occurrence, so if you’ve ever felt like taking your body back to the shop to exchange for a better model, or just hoping for an upgrade, read on because you’re not alone.


 
     Sometimes, we’re just hapless victims, illness has taken over our bodies, we’ve been prescribed some sort of voodoo medication, or we’ve just had shitty luck.
 
     Today, I got to work feeling slightly unwell. A couple of hours later, an extremely attractive customer came to my till, at which point my body decided it would be a good idea to vomit last night's dinner all over myself and the customer. FML
 
     Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML
 
     Today, after a particularly difficult late night workout at the gym, I decided to shower in the locker room. I must have passed out, because I later woke up naked, surrounded by police after someone called to report a dead body in the shower. FML
 
     Today, I decided to use hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML


     Other times, it’s our entire fault, brought on by drinking and eating too much, being an idiot and generally behaving like a total numpty.
 
     Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend. There's a short cut to my house by jumping a fence but he insisted that we take the long way because, "Girls don't jump fences." To prove him wrong, I jumped the fence. I fell and broke my leg. FML
 
     Today, I had a hard time taking a dump. Before flushing, I noticed two pennies and a dime incrusted in my turd. It seems that yesterday, while drunk, I swallowed some change. FML
 
     Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML


 
     Many body issues are age-specific.
 
     Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML
 
     Today, I found out my wife isn't cheating. She says she's just getting older and sex isn't important anymore. She's 27. FML
 
     Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML
 
     Today, I was with my 6th grade class. During recess, we were talking about growing up and getting older. I said that one day, they'd start to look like me. Two of my students started crying. FML
 
 
     Some of us wish to improve ourselves; we strive for success and try our hardest to make our bodies work properly. Or at least without them creaking so much. But it doesn’t always work out like in the movies, where the training sessions are a 30-second clip set to a rousing power ballad. In real life it’s 30 minutes set to the sound of your heart popping out of your ears and sweat pooling in your crotch.
 
     Today, my girlfriend called me a lazy pig. To prove her wrong, I decided to go lift some weights. A few reps in, my arm cracked and my first reaction was to squeal like a pig. FML
 
     Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML
 
     Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML


 
     But we have to admit that most of us, me included, are just out of shape. Our bodies are run down, and are in dire need of a jump-start, a new fitness regime. Or not. You can just let it slide, sit back and accept that you’re lazy and carefree. Who wants to be one of those lycra-clad people in the gym anyway? They look like pod-people training to become humans and take us over.
 
     Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
 
     Today, I pulled a muscle. Not in any kind of sport or exercise, but while reaching for my computer mouse. FML
 
     Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML
 
 
     There are many more categories and FMLs that could’ve been included, and I’m guessing that while reading this you probably thought of that time that you did that thing that still makes you groan with shame. But now you know that we’ve all been there, done that and got the mental scars to prove it. When I remember something really embarrassing that I’ve said or done in the past, no matter how long ago, I do actually make a noise, almost like sticking my fingers in my ears and going “lalalalala” as if I’m trying to consciously erase the memory from my mind. It never works; these things still haunt me, especially at 3:15am for some reason.

     Anyway, here’s to our bodies enabling us to enjoy many more embarrassing, shameful and awkward moments, without them we wouldn’t know what feeling good would feel like.

#1325 - Ramblings - On 09/25/2012 at 3:45am by Alan - 4 comments

TWOFLAG's Illustrated FML

Hello my turkeys! What? Turkeys are cute! When they wiggle their little legs, going GOBBLE GOBBLE, they’re worth all the kittens in the worlds. AT THE VERY LEAST. Before I start this article, I’m going to finish my Batman yoghurt and then move this TV which is in the way. OK, I’ll stop messing around. Especially since we’ve got a guest waiting.

A guest who doesn’t want his real identity to be revealed to the general public (probably a KGB secret agent) so we’ll call him by his pseudonym, TWOFLAG (an English sounding pseudonym to disguise his Russian identity, classic). He’s 31 years old, lives “near Strasbourg in France” and he says that he’s unemployed but is starting up as an independent graphics designer-illustrator. If that doesn’t support the conspiracy theory, I don’t know what will.

In any case, to be able to express his artistic side, to create and amuse people, what he needs are “contracts and money”. This immediately becomes a bit more believable. His latest news? “Not much… And how are you?” Well, we’re OK, dear TWOFLAG. Your latest news is taking part in this illustrated FML. That’s not too bad for a start!

His education was “a bit chaotic”; he did some training in sales but didn’t get his high school diploma as he didn’t like what he was doing. He then went on to do little jobs here and there, after which he trained to use Illustrator. This led to a first job as a production technician in advertising (all sorts of placards), then a second job as a production manager, still in advertising. Since then he’s now still looking for a job, so he’s set up his own company. “And here I am!” 

Any projects then? “I’m working on a book for children, about a cute (or sort of cute) dog. We’re waiting for feedback from publishers to finalize (or not) the project.”

OK, let’s move on the next part of our spy’s… erm, guest’s interview. I really had to drag it out of him.

Cats or dogs?
I love both, but I have a soft spot for cats.

What have you enjoyed recently at the movies, in music, books and comicbooks?
At the movies, The Avengers, which I really loved. Music: Gotye, which was a gift for my mom to start with but which I ended up liking. Books, books… Books? Hard to pick just one… Ok then, let’s say The Goon, a great series by Eric Powell.

Who are the main artists you like and whose blogs that you visit regularly?
On the Internet, I visit few blogs really, I go through flick-r or fotolog a bit, the café-salé forum, and random illustrators sites… Or I play free games like fourmizzzz… And VDM at least once a week.

Tell us what you enjoy in life, your passions, pastimes, vices and everyday pleasures.
Friends, eating, sleeping, doing nothing much, lazing around and napping.

Tell us a crap joke. Possible joker, you can tell us a personal FML.
Two drunks are propping up a bar, and one says to the other: "How much does a gas weigh?"
The other says "A gas? Well… A gas is a bit like air… It doesn’t weigh anything…"
The first guy then says "OK then… I must’ve shit myself."

Do you have a phobia? If so, what is it?
Spiders and heights.

To finish off, ask yourself a question you would’ve liked to have been asked and then reply if you want to.
What is Spongebob Squarepant’s point of view of pathogenesis of the hermaphrodite squid or oriental Moldavia in an underwater volcanic setting?
-> Only Spongebob Squarepant can answer that question.

 

To see this week’s illustrated FML, click here.


Thanks for reading, and see you next week! But first, here are some videos! You know that I like to show you what the Internet can come up with regarding parodies, so first watch the NONONONO cat video. Then watch this. Bye!

 

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with het, and she will tell you what you have to do!

#1324 - Illustrated FML - On 09/21/2012 at 8:12pm by Julien - 0 comments

Who's your FML daddy?

WE ARE. 
Good morning everybody! Enough with "creepy faces" (yeah, we heard your pain) and zombies because love (and s.e.x) is back on FML, thanks to the brand new artist that we're featuring today. Kevin isn't the type of artist we usually welcome, his story is one of the most inspirational that we've ever been told. Have you heard about the "minus times a minus equals a plus" thing? Well, that's what today is all about. Kevin, it's your time to shine!

 

 

-What's your name?
-My name is Kevin Lee!

-How old are you?
-I just turned 23-years-old a few weeks ago


-Where do you live?
-I live in Red Bluff, California in the USA.

-What's your job?
-Part intern at a networking/IT company, part freelance graphic designer, and former student saving up cash to go back.

-What's your journey?
-I actually wasn't born with a pen in one hand and a sketchbook in another. In fact, until I was 18-years-old I could hardly draw stick figures passably. I have a disease called Osteogenesis Imperfecta, known mainly for our brittle bones, severe scoliosis is something more worrying for us. I ended up having a spinal fusion surgery where it was actually a bit touch and go at some points, but ended up OK. Recovery for spinal fusion surgeries, at least for people with Osteogenesis Imperfecta, takes at least one year before you're in a somewhat manageable state pain wise... One goes a bit crazy when they're bed ridden for nearly 12 months, so you really need to find something to keep your mind stimulated. I grew bored of the videogames and books I had, so one day (a few weeks after my surgery) I grabbed a pencil and paper and started doodling. Eventually I'd look up a video on youtube on how to draw certain things, then I began ordering books on anatomy, started emulating cartoons I admired for many years, and after a couple months I started to get... better. That's really an incredible feeling, and you grow addicted to it. I love learning something new, improving something I struggled with, and eventually I started drawing stuff that OTHER people liked. Now that was a remarkable feeling too, somebody actually admiring something I created. Almost exactly 5 years later, here I am.

 



-What are your inspirations?
-Most people seem to believe that if they don't start drawing by the time they're 12 years old, it's too late. I felt that way too, and only really devoted my time to drawing when I discovered Questionable Content. Jeph Jacques started drawing that comic in his early 20's, and just going through the archives you could see him improve dramatically. It was the motivation I needed to actually study art as a learned skill rather than dismiss it as something you're born with.

-Do you read webcomics?
-I read a lot of webcomics: Wigu, Dr. McNinja, Over Compensating, VG Cats, Girls with Slingshots, Penny-Arcade, CAD, Trenches, Questionable Content, Misfile, Amazing Super Powers, SMBC, XKCD, Buttersafe, Scandinavia and the World, Wasted Talent, and of course my webcomic Driving Nowhere!

-Ah, speaking of Driving Nowhere, tell us more about it.
-Driving Nowhere is kind of an auto-bio comic, though I'm starting to drift away from that into more 'general comedy' stuff. My life isn't that interesting! I made the site after drawing these comics for myself and needing a place to host them. I'm not currently selling anything, but I'll definitely have some prints available soon...ish! Stickers, t-shirts, coffee mugs, and all that fun stuff may happen later someday.

-Why did you choose this FML story ?
-After going through all the submissions I was given, I instantly knew how I wanted to draw this one. Plus it's a hilarious FML submission on its own, so the humor could have carried it even if the comic turned out bad!

 

 

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FML

 


Kevin's webcomic :  www.drivingnowhere.com


If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do! 

 

#1323 - Illustrated FML - On 09/14/2012 at 1:22pm by Alice - 1 comments

FML's guide to first dates

        Today, I was going on a first date with a girl I really like. We were going to see the new Harry Potter movie, and she told me she was getting all dressed up. It was only after I picked her up I realized she meant that she was dressing nicely. I was dressed as Harry Potter. FML

 
        Ah, dates, the dating world, meeting new people, getting to know more about people you’ve already been on a few dates with, then hoping to get lucky or at least get to first, second or if you’re really lucky third base and then a ride home. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, and it’s getting worse by the minute. "All the good ones are already taken" people say. People can be idiots like that, with their tired old clichés, but sometimes they can be right. But then again, they can also forget the FML factor that afflicts some of us. You know the ones, the unlucky souls amongst us who can’t seem to get anything right.


Not all first dates tend to go as well as this one.


        My worst first date started with one small mistake: just before leaving to meet her, I noticed that I’d missed a few whiskers while shaving, so I quickly dragged a dry razor across my cheeks, and rushed out of the front door. We met up in the rain, and made our way to the restaurant. Once inside, it became very clear that the place was hot and humid. I don’t do well in this sort of environment, and I start sweating profusely, partly from the heat and humidity, partly from nerves. Halfway through the stilted conversation, I left to go to the bathroom to freshen up and steady my nerves. Looking into the bathroom mirror, I realised that the impromptu shave had left two squarish red traces about an inch wide on each of my cheeks, making me look like a clown drawn by Picasso. I had two solutions, climb out of the bathroom window and flee into the rainy night, change my name and telephone number, or return into the dining room and pretend that I had “issues.” I did neither, and just plopped myself back at the table, admitting defeat and that I’d never see her naked.
 
        FML has a collection of similar horror stories about first dates, but also dates in general that have gone wrong. But first dates are the most stressful; you’ve met that person at the office, at school, at the supermarket, at the STD clinic, or anywhere you’ve managed to socialize. You’ve set up a date in a bar or on a park bench, and then you have to wait until it actually happens. And wait. And think of things to say. And wonder what’s going to happen. And get paranoid that you might say or do something stupid. But so many factors have to be taken into consideration. For example, first impressions are important:
 
        Today, I stepped outside to wait for a cute guy to arrive after arduously preparing for our first date. Just as he rounded the corner, I tripped over the last stair and landed headfirst into my mom's fresh pot of snapdragons. My mom uses compost and manure for her plants. FML
 
        Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML
 
        It’s also important for the person you’re on a date with to behave themselves, but it seems it’s not always the case:
 
        Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML
 
        Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML
 
        Today, I found out that some men think it's ok to clip their fingernails, at the table, in a restaurant, on a first date. FML

        Sometimes, dates can be ruined by other people, especially family members:
 
        Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML
 
        Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
 
        Today, my crush of over a year came over for me to take her on our first date. Today was also the day my drunken parents decided to dance the chicken dance in our front yard, naked. FML
 
        Of course, this shouldn’t deter us from trying again; first dates often turn into second dates, third dates, love, sex, commitment, IKEA furniture, lawns, kinky attire and much more. So, if something goes wrong, and you end up looking like a cubist clown in a sweaty restaurant, just kick back, enjoy the overpriced wine and play Boggle in your head. Maybe next time you’ll actually meet that special someone who doesn’t reach over to pull a hair from your head and use it to floss with, you’ll actually meet someone who makes you feel special, or just makes you feel yourself.
 
        No, I don't mean fiddle with your knob in public, that’s a terrible idea for a first date. I should know.

#1322 - About FMyLife - On 09/10/2012 at 3:45am by Alan/FML Team - 25 comments


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