Intimacy: Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's... - FML

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 392

You deserved it 5 230

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 659

You deserved it 9 503

By Tyler - 19/11/2011 08:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 245

You deserved it 34 480

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 407

You deserved it 11 694

Directions

By jay-frey96 - 02/11/2014 15:36 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 644

You deserved it 14 007

By :x - 03/02/2016 15:40 - United States - Richmond

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 896

You deserved it 5 352

Dealbreaker

By Nico - 26/05/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, after going on a date with my girlfriend, we ended up having sex at her flat. When she took off her panties, I took a glance and saw poop stains on them. It turned me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307

You deserved it 270

Mr Clean

By Anonymous - 18/01/2013 10:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 243

You deserved it 7 592

By Mr Eek - 25/10/2008 16:57

Spicy

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 563

You deserved it 12 434

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 095

You deserved it 5 531

By threw my underwear out too - 03/12/2017 00:00 - United States - Hyde Park

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 888

You deserved it 1 888

Next

Top comments

krsimir 0

Friday 23 March 2012 12:10

Should have used charmen toilet paper, no little white pieces left behind

frozenfreeze 5

Friday 23 March 2012 12:26

They were the least of your problems?...Were there dragons and dead rats down there too?

Comments

missanderson813 4

Friday 23 March 2012 13:38

You should've gave her a bar of soap then told her to put her pants back on. nasty trick.

bigmackin35 0

Friday 23 March 2012 13:43

Just don't quite know wat to say to that

perdix 29

Friday 23 March 2012 13:45

"I think I'm going to be sick." "Hey, that's what the last guy said!"

TopoX84 7

Friday 23 March 2012 13:46

WOW... leave her, fin someone tht takes care of herself and is clean

OffToTheGayBar 9

Friday 23 March 2012 13:51

I don't mind pubes. The rest frightens me.

goodgood_fml 5

Friday 23 March 2012 13:52

Dirty cooch? Clean it up with RepHresh. Found at your local Wal-Mart and/or drug stores!! After all, bathing won't fix all pH issues. Anything other than pH or yeast needs to be looked at by the OBGYN soon as possible!!

GothInside 6

Friday 23 March 2012 13:54

The least of ur worries?? Oh gawd please don't tell us she let u surf the red tide without warning u!! Sounds like ur chick has some crotch issues!!!

heyred 11

Friday 23 March 2012 13:57

She didn't "attend"? Then she should have declined. Nasty.

prettygirl222 1

Friday 23 March 2012 14:08

Eww!

mbuck87 19

Friday 23 March 2012 14:11

**** that man tell her to have a shower first next time!

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The Top

Today, one of my roommates bought new cowboy boots. He insists on wearing them indoors. Every morning he paces up and down the linoleum areas of the apartment with the boots on until he absolutely has to go to work, waking us up with the clomping noises. I and my other roommate work night and graveyard shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 69

Today, no matter how well we tried to raise out daughter, things aren't looking too bright. I was present, I listened, and she told me her problems. My husband was always there for her too, no matter what. She works and studies but her role models consist of celebrities and girls who sell themselves on OnlyFans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 160

The Top

Today, I live in an apartment and all I can hear is my neighbours' bratty kids screaming with their new toys. Not only do I hate kids, making this absolute torture, I also work nights and only fell into bed at 6 a.m. this morning, so that’s 4 hours trying to sleep so far and I’m back at work in 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 268

Today, I wanted to experience the free breeze while riding on my bike, so I skipped wearing a helmet for the first time in a long while. I got fined just two minutes after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 1 142

Today, I woke up on the couch in front of the television covered with a blanket. Last night, I'd come home pissed from the pub, fired up porn, got my pants off and settled down for a wank. However, this morning the telly was off, my trousers were on, and I don't remember a blanket. I live with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 1 979

Today, I found out that the huge project I've been working on for the past week is actually a group project. Everyone in my group knew. They were just letting me do the entire thing by myself because I'm "smart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 642

You deserved it 2 634

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 954

You deserved it 3 925

Today, I got rear-ended on my way home from the pet store, causing my pet food to open up and go flying all over the floor of my car. My pet is a snake, and his food is live mice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 534

You deserved it 996