Intimacy: Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's... - FML

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 392

You deserved it 5 230

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By shitfaced - 18/09/2015 17:30 - Netherlands - Sassenheim

Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 659

You deserved it 9 503

By Tyler - 19/11/2011 08:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 245

You deserved it 34 480

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 407

You deserved it 11 694

Directions

By jay-frey96 - 02/11/2014 15:36 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 644

You deserved it 14 007

By :x - 03/02/2016 15:40 - United States - Richmond

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 896

You deserved it 5 352

Dealbreaker

By Nico - 26/05/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, after going on a date with my girlfriend, we ended up having sex at her flat. When she took off her panties, I took a glance and saw poop stains on them. It turned me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307

You deserved it 270

Mr Clean

By Anonymous - 18/01/2013 10:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I grabbed his butt to control his thrusts and got a clump of used toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 243

You deserved it 7 592

By Mr Eek - 25/10/2008 16:57

Spicy

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 563

You deserved it 12 434

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 095

You deserved it 5 531

By threw my underwear out too - 03/12/2017 00:00 - United States - Hyde Park

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 888

You deserved it 1 888

Next

Top comments

krsimir 0

Friday 23 March 2012 12:10

Should have used charmen toilet paper, no little white pieces left behind

frozenfreeze 5

Friday 23 March 2012 12:26

They were the least of your problems?...Were there dragons and dead rats down there too?

Comments

gbylk 4

Friday 23 March 2012 16:59

Poor poor you!!

jaytee1994 9

Friday 23 March 2012 17:19

Dude that's f***ed up!!! Tell her to take care of her body a little better!

wrecklessJen 0

Friday 23 March 2012 17:23

Eeewwww

greenthomas10 0

Friday 23 March 2012 17:28

Ewwww -_-

BunBunBabe 8

Friday 23 March 2012 17:31

If that wasn't the worst of your problems what is the truly gross thing that happened? I almost don't want to know but you make it sound like she had moldy discharge or something horrific

shadowwulf95 3

Friday 23 March 2012 17:53

I would have got up and left right there. because that's just raunchy! :x

ViperGTSkank 0

Friday 23 March 2012 17:56

Break out the soap and wax! *shudders* You poor guy.

Lady_Eemia 6

Friday 23 March 2012 17:56

Am I the only one who wasn't so disgusted by this I threw up or didn't feel like eating? Maybe the internet has ruined me...

R4B1D_SQU1R3L 0

Friday 23 March 2012 17:58

That might be the nastiest thing I have ever heard, and you my friend are a disguisting individual.

corleon198425 22

Friday 23 March 2012 18:07

Nose plug

6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15

Keywords

Video games Annoying Gamers Relatable Abuse Birthday Scams Social Media Money School Kids Education Parents Public freakouts Health Mental health Grieving Music Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Cops Transportation Fight Family Customers Work Gross

The Top

Today, I thought maybe I should go to my doctor because my hips crack every time I take a step. But she's also my recently ex-boyfriend's mom, so I have to choose between being in constant pain or having my doctor poke at my hips while asking me why I'm no longer dating her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 965

You deserved it 6 336

Today, I've had a crush on a guy for a while - a friend of mine knows this. I finally decided to find out once and for all if there was any chance with him, so I drove to his house, armed with a home cooked meal and wine, only to find the very friend I confided in was at his house. It turns out they are now an item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 152

The Top

Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 910

You deserved it 5 621

Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 508

You deserved it 1 231

Today, I checked my bank account online and noticed two checks that I didn't write had gone through, so I got copies of them and recognized the handwriting. It was my best friend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 62

Today, after hanging up the phone, I realised that telemarketers are my only form of social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 589

You deserved it 6 157

Today, after moving into my new house, my partner's father came to give us his old sofa. Now, an hour before he has to leave, he's half-completed 3 DIY jobs we didn't want done in the first place, and smashed my water inlet pipe. I have no water and a destroyed kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 881

You deserved it 430

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 061

You deserved it 5 080