Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man...

By robbed - 03/09/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 282

You deserved it 24 349

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Same thing different taste

Stunlocked

By RoyBoy - 26/07/2021 18:01

Today, a stranger asked to borrow my phone since his had died. As he was using it, he kept walking away and I had to chase him because he was walking too far. He turned around, yelled, "Stop following me, asshole!" and punched me, knocking me out cold. When I came to, I realized the fucker stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 552

Mistaken identity

By Guess I was wrong - 16/03/2020 06:23

Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 400

By BedazzledAlpaca - 08/12/2014 05:03 - United States - Englewood

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 845

You deserved it 4 302

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 21:46 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 814

You deserved it 43 259

By dwhite032 - 06/06/2011 07:06 - United States

Today, I woke up to my Playstation 3 and my laptop missing and window open. My dad faked a robbery to see me freak out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 479

You deserved it 6 841

Smooth criminal

By jack1057 - 12/09/2020 01:01 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 18/01/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I arrived at my apartment to find the door kicked in. Inside, I found my TV, Xbox, stereo, CDs, and laptop had all been stolen. When my roommate got home, I told him about it, to which he replied, "Yeah, I left my keys inside this morning, so I kicked the door in to get them." He left with the door kicked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 438

You deserved it 2 555

Pay up

By ShouldHaveLetHimTakeTheTV - 07/11/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 317

You deserved it 4 907

By doneanddone - 28/02/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 767

You deserved it 8 738

By Anonymous - 02/03/2011 11:20 - United States

Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 572

You deserved it 6 325

RhymePrime 7

Thursday 3 September 2009 23:03

Not a very good friend, Lol

superstephen4 5

Thursday 3 September 2009 23:08

don't trust strange people on your couch.

Comments

kacie13 1

Friday 4 September 2009 0:48

guys, please stop commenting "FAKEEE!" No offense, but who REALLY cares if it's fake? It's funny. so please get over it.

brutallyhonest24 0

Friday 4 September 2009 2:38

if its fake we dont get the lulz from schadenfrued =(

Pandasaur 0

Friday 4 September 2009 3:13

I do! Fake or not, this is pretty hilarious.

Puolukka 4

Friday 4 September 2009 11:28

Huh...first of it's "schadenfreude" and second off it makes no sense. I'm sure a lot of people on here laugh because of "schadenfreude"...it means "pleasure derived from the misfortune of others"...last time I checked that's the exact thing we're laughing about here 90% of the time.

dspadres 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:01

Smooth operator he is.

Hazy_fml 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:03

If this happens to be true: You are easily the most trick-able person known to mankind.

beaniebabe 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:07

awwww that sucks

movies12 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:48

DID U CALL THE COPS AFTER?? U BETTER OFF.

ccr69 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:57

Moron! You got jacked with a ruse that would send a 5 yr old running screaming "STRANGER DANGER!!!" Did he try to touch you in your "danger zone?" If this is real, PLEASE send me your address because you are so stupid that you would fall for this twice, and I'll be your mommy's next friend!