Animals: Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends....

By MJ3105 - 07/05/2009 11:36 - Israel

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 167

You deserved it 153 024

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Same thing different taste

By #201 - 05/02/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 466

You deserved it 16 549

By pass me the fucking rope - 18/06/2016 13:17 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 441

You deserved it 931

Surprise strike

By Anonymous - 28/06/2020 20:02

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 169

From a great height

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 21:59

Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 93

Nice bird

By Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 984

By poopedon - 26/04/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 987

You deserved it 18 147

By yuck - 09/12/2018 03:30 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 237

By Anonymous - 04/08/2016 21:25

Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 995

You deserved it 15 564

Spice

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 956

I am very hungry

By I'mSoHungry - 11/01/2020 08:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, a bird flew into the workshop where I work, gave itself a tour of the place, then promptly pooped on my lunch and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 325

You deserved it 197

youmakemyday_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:07

ughh...why would you eat something that landed on the table anyway?? wouldn't you wipe it off with a napkin...

ozymandias_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:09

You are a disgusting person. Even if it was mayo, that is disgusting. Who a) eats random condiments they find b) especially when splattered on a disgusting public table?

Comments

patray_angel 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 19:40

OMG that is sooo gross!!! Obviously you weren't thinking and/or weren't paying that close attention to what you were about to eat. Like others have pointed out, even if it had been mayo, why would you eat something off of a public table?

VegasMade702 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 19:48

Thank you number #80!!! Right??? Whats up with all these FAT asses eating shit off the floor and licking tables??? Stop people.

NoBounceNoPlay 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 19:54

???????????????????????????????? I don't even know what to say.

Sinia_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 19:59

Eww.... Just putting this out there but that can seriously make you sick.

AkanishiSan 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 20:20

why would u lick anything off a table?? especially (im assuming) a talbe thats OUTSIDE?? thats disgusting. i mean, i would have done the same if it was on a plate or something, but the table??

hollister7304 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 20:22

1. Plain Mayo is disgusting 2. Eating shit off of a public table is disgusting 3. You are extremely disgusting

avoid567 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 20:24

whyy would you want to eat extra mayo, which would be extra fat? and why would you lick something off the table..do you like germs? AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM. That could've been like..mayo that fell out of someone else's mouth. omggg gross. you're disgusting lmao.

Jellybones 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 20:29

I wonder if this is the same guy that licked someone else's vomit off of their own arm because they thought it was spilled alcohol. If this is true, people like you are the reason I have given up on the world. ******* retards.