Animals: Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends....

By MJ3105 - 07/05/2009 11:36 - Israel

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 168

You deserved it 153 027

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Same thing different taste

By #201 - 05/02/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 466

You deserved it 16 549

By pass me the fucking rope - 18/06/2016 13:17 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 442

You deserved it 932

Surprise strike

By Anonymous - 28/06/2020 20:02

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 169

From a great height

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 21:59

Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 93

Nice bird

By Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 985

By poopedon - 26/04/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 988

You deserved it 18 149

By yuck - 09/12/2018 03:30 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 621

You deserved it 237

By Anonymous - 04/08/2016 21:25

Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 995

You deserved it 15 565

Spice

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 956

I am very hungry

By I'mSoHungry - 11/01/2020 08:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, a bird flew into the workshop where I work, gave itself a tour of the place, then promptly pooped on my lunch and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 326

You deserved it 197

youmakemyday_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:07

ughh...why would you eat something that landed on the table anyway?? wouldn't you wipe it off with a napkin...

ozymandias_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 16:09

You are a disgusting person. Even if it was mayo, that is disgusting. Who a) eats random condiments they find b) especially when splattered on a disgusting public table?

Comments

westsideknight 0

Friday 8 May 2009 2:33

was it delicious? next time try taking some shit from a public toilet, it may taste much better

dmzelda203 0

Friday 8 May 2009 2:52

Why would you want to lick mayo from a table, anyways???

buckeyefan16 14

Friday 8 May 2009 3:02

damn thas nasty man

Funtertaining11 0

Friday 8 May 2009 3:06

Oh my...that's gross. Why would you lick it off the table in the first place? That's a bit unsanitary. Plus, how could you not distiguish the difference between mayo and bird dung? That's like not telling the difference between chocolate/ice cream and poop (Manure). The difference: one is sweet and the other one stinks.

mandalauren 0

Friday 8 May 2009 3:13

lmfao. you idiot. why the **** would you eat something left on the table anyways?

brkn_hearted 0

Friday 8 May 2009 3:57

lol at #13, must've been or dropped on their head a few times as an infant, but much like many of those beofre me.... why the **** would you eat ANYTHING off the table even if it WAS mayo? ya ******* mc nasty!

greensharpie 0

Friday 8 May 2009 3:58

ew, NEVER eat anything off a patio table! i used to work at a restaurant. whenever I wipe a patio table, no matter how clean it looks, my white cloth ALWAYS ends up black. those tables pick up every speck of dirt imaginable from the great outdoors.