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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

#21369803
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29686) - you deserved it (5992)

On 03/07/2015 at 7:14am - animals - by farksh (woman) - Australia

Today, I was doing laundry, so I decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML

#21364131
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27827) - you deserved it (5516)

On 02/26/2015 at 7:08pm - animals - by jynxisadouchebag - United States (California)

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

#21363530
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31899) - you deserved it (2686)

On 02/25/2015 at 8:43pm - animals - by natashamilan - United States (Michigan)

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

#21363251
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34312) - you deserved it (2695)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:44am - animals - by cat-astrophic (man) - United Kingdom

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

#21363021
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29748) - you deserved it (3208)

On 02/24/2015 at 11:33pm - animals - by Sarah1330 (woman) - United States

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30761) - you deserved it (4212)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML

#21360063
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28822) - you deserved it (2458)

On 02/20/2015 at 9:54pm - animals - by fml (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, it was snowing but I had to let my dog out, so I picked him up and carried him outside. I slipped, landed on him and ended up breaking his leg. FML

#21359968
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34829) - you deserved it (6792)

On 02/20/2015 at 6:49pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was off from school because of an extremely bad barking cough. My neighbours called the police because apparently my cough sounds like someone torturing an animal. FML

#21359104
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31578) - you deserved it (2237)

On 02/19/2015 at 8:46am - animals - by Animal cruelty (man) - Australia

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

#21353772
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35263) - you deserved it (2716)

On 02/10/2015 at 11:34pm - animals - by jackskellington - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

#21352647
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38051) - you deserved it (3200)

On 02/09/2015 at 9:53am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

#21351917
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33430) - you deserved it (3516)

On 02/08/2015 at 3:35am - animals - by OnlyAvailableID - Australia

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my pet lizard eating my other pet lizard. FML



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