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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the bathroom. If only I could get my husband to do the same. FML

#21404795
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25991) - you deserved it (2533)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:03pm - kids - by JustSom - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML

#21404700
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14647) - you deserved it (24854)

On 05/04/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, while riding the subway a homeless man got on asking for money. I went to give him a dollar but he refused because I was "of the Asian persuasion." FML

#21404625
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26043) - you deserved it (1869)

On 05/04/2015 at 5:02pm - misc - by Malíya - United States (New Jersey)

GoddessGlitter's comment : rude. beggers ain't choosers. didn't deserve your dollar anyway

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Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

#21404461
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31895) - you deserved it (2347)

On 05/04/2015 at 12:28pm - misc - by to_complicated_4_u - United States (New York)

hailhydra's comment : something tells me the Starbucks employee just can't read but i might be wrong

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Today, my little sister came up to me holding up my phone. It wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't dropped it in the toilet first. FML

Today, I got yelled at for 'letting' my muddy dog jump on my cousin's wedding dress as she was getting ready. I don't own a dog and haven't since I was a kid. FML

#21404425
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30895) - you deserved it (1993)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:49am - animals - by FMe - United Kingdom

CoGhostRider's comment : So the question is, "who let the dogs out?"

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Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML

#21404242
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32488) - you deserved it (2188)

On 05/04/2015 at 12:04am - misc - by double trouble -

Today, I found out why my husband has been coming home from work so late. Turns out he loves to help people. Specifically female people. And by help, I mean sleep with. FML

#21403935
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32763) - you deserved it (2468)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by I pick em' good - United States

Today, I noticed my shower drain wasn't draining well. I cleaned it out, thinking it was just a rat's nest of hair. Wrong. It was an actual dead rat. FML

#21403907
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29460) - you deserved it (2252)

On 05/03/2015 at 12:55pm - misc - by umyuck - United States (Virginia)

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

#21403757
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31415) - you deserved it (4628)

On 05/03/2015 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

#21403720
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29346) - you deserved it (4559)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Finland

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that me switching to "super" sized tampons does not mean I've been having sex with other men with bigger penises, and that my vagina hasn't been "stretched bigger". FML

#21403711
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30963) - you deserved it (2679)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

#21403566
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30228) - you deserved it (2697)

On 05/02/2015 at 8:08pm - work - by Jbheller (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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