Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask a girl at my school for her number. As I was typing it into my phone, she pointed out the giant booger firmly attached to my sleeve. FML

by Joseflloyd / 05/12/2016 at 12:52am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, it’s been a week since I arrived in Cuba. Gustav came to visit us. Now it’s Hannah’s turn. Ike and Josephine want to come and say hi too. They’re not friends of ours, but rather the next cyclones that may pass by the island. FML

by weatherlike / 09/02/2008 at 1:12am / Cuba

Today, my mom woke me up in the middle of the night to make me help my brother write an essay. I read what he wrote so far, gave him my suggestions, and went back to bed. She woke me up 30 mins later because he just sat and stared at his paper instead of fixing anything. Somehow that's my fault. FML

by I write sins not other people's essays / 05/11/2016 at 11:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

irisiridescent's comment : Wants you to help = expects you to do it for him. You're in a catch-22 situation, OP. And your mom definitely isn't doing your brother any favors.

See all the comments

Today, I thought it would be nice to take my obese dog for a walk, since she hasn't had one in a long time. She was doing great, until we were about a mile from our house. She plopped down on the ground and wouldn't move. Nobody was home so I had to carry her all the way back to our house. FML

by SoulStormIV / 05/11/2016 at 11:03pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

redscarf's comment : If your dog is obese you should have started off with a shorter walk and try feeding t a healthy amount.

See all the comments

Today, my parents posted nasty comments about each other on Facebook. I think they might secretly be 12 year-olds. FML

by superb12345 / 05/11/2016 at 10:50pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

cricketsins's comment about their FML

Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML

by cricketsins / 11/07/2013 at 10:33pm / United States (Tennessee)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

cricketsins

Let me give some details before the blasting gets too bad: "beating" was an exaggeration. I was not literally bludgeoning him with a block o...
See all the comments
See all the comments including 4 other original posters' reactions

Today, I went to my dentist's appointment with huge anxiety because I had to get a filling. Last week, I paid $120 to be told I needed this filling. This time, I paid $80 to be told my teeth are fine. Each visit lasted all of 5 minutes. FML

by Toothach / 05/11/2016 at 9:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

feven's comment : They should reimburse you for the second appointment. It isn't fair.

See all the comments

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking back to my car after a long day of work. A large SUV had parked next to mine, so I jokingly said to my girlfriend, "What do you think they're compensating for?" That's when the couple behind us unlocked their vehicle. FML

by Jpev / 05/11/2016 at 9:09pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to 'break it up' with a gloved finger, and then he sent me home with directions on how to administer an enema. I do not recommend trying to give an enema to a kid that doesn't want one. FML

by anon mom / 05/11/2016 at 8:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I walked into the kitchen to see my dad peeing into a cup. We made eye contact and he quickly threw the cup into the sink. Not one word has been spoken about what happened, and I saw my mom use the same cup later on that day. FML

by yamuda / 05/11/2016 at 7:24pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Miscellaneous

Today, I offered my friend $150 to drop my girl and me off for at the airport. He's poor, so I try to help him out by paying for rides. My girl being with me, I asked him not to smoke weed while driving. He turned down the job because he needs a minimum of two blunts for the trip. FML

by echo / 05/11/2016 at 2:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s 5 kg heavier than when I left, I decided to take a taxi. The driver yelled at me because the short journey to my place wasn’t worth his time, and told me to take the subway. Welcome to Paris. FML

by nanou / 03/06/2014 at 7:12pm

Today, a twelve year-old girl was better at calming down my six month-old baby on the bus than me. FML

by stop_crying / 05/11/2016 at 2:55pm / United States (California) / Kids