Today, I shattered my iPhone screen. Pieces of glass are chipping out and can easily slice up any idiot who slides their finger across the screen. Unfortunately, I was that idiot. There's blood in the cracks of my screen. FML
by Anon / 04/14/2016 at 6:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous
FalloutScrolls's comment : Your phone demanded a blood sacrifice. Way to step up, OP. Go you!
Today, we had a surprise test at school. I was totally unprepared for any of it, so I BSd the whole thing and turned it in. A few minutes later, our teacher said we were allowed to use our notes to finish the test. FML
by me / 04/14/2016 at 1:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
hekinokuroihi's comment : Why would she not tell you that in the beginning when she passed it out????
by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 1:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
sleepyolivia's comment : I understand that this FML is a bit rude about her weight, but the rudeness is fully justified. I don't understand how people can look at this FML and think that the obese woman was not at fault. Could she have not just chosen an empty seat?
Today, my best friend told me she no longer wants an "active friendship" with me. She says she doesn't have time to see me, since she has a boyfriend and a bunch of friends she's spent years bitching to me about. We've gone from a 14 year friendship to awkwardly nodding at each other in the street. FML
by BFFN / 04/14/2016 at 11:36am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2016 at 1:13am / United States / Health
by ProtoBird / 04/14/2016 at 12:11am / United States (Michigan) / Health
by Awkward / 04/13/2016 at 8:29pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/13/2016 at 7:46pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I joined my grandpa on his morning jog. I didn't last 15 minutes before nearly passing out from exhaustion. He came jogging back home nearly an hour later looking even better than he did when we left. FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2016 at 12:41pm / United States / Health
Today, while opening up to a few friends about how I was sexually abused as a child, one of them blurted "Pics or it didn't happen." How did the others react? With outrage? No, just with awkward chuckling. FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2016 at 10:04am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2016 at 4:25am / Health
by wasliedtoasakid / 04/12/2016 at 10:34pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
by sigh / 04/12/2016 at 10:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals