Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML

by Welpthatwasfast / 06/10/2016 at 3:57am / Intimacy

Tripartita's comment : Then a nearby game of hide and seek breaks out, adding to the confusion when the seeker shouts, "ready or not, here I come!"

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Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to take a break. At least she gave me a parting gift. Lice. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2016 at 9:08pm / Love

Today, I had to hide some Oreos inside my bra to motivate my husband to get close to me. FML

by . / 08/05/2016 at 12:57pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Intimacy

stryder9090's comment : Oreos and tits? Doesn't get much better than that

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Today, I learned that marriage isn't all roses and sunshine. Instead, it's digging an infected ingrown hair out of your husband's ass cheek because he can't reach it himself. FML

by snazz23 / 08/05/2016 at 11:58am / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

CrassKal's comment : At least you guys are comfortable around each other *shrug*

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Today, my mom said my boobs are finally getting bigger and that I've finally hit puberty. I'll be celebrating my 31st birthday next week. FML

by Marteeny / 06/08/2016 at 11:14pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I got yelled at by my supervisor for getting an hour of overtime yesterday. The reason I had an hour of overtime was because that same supervisor made me stay late. FML

by radiantum13 / 06/08/2016 at 10:33pm / Work

Today, I was on a first date at a bar, when a girl walks over and ask me if I'm a doctor. I said yes, thinking she overheard me talking about my PhD. The girl then showed me a lump on her breast and asked what to do about it. My date then slapped me and left. FML

by The Doc / 06/07/2016 at 6:41pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2016 at 3:45am / Love

Today, my sister, who has been seeing a guy for a year, got engaged. I've been dating my boyfriend for over 5 years and let out some not so subtle hints and he basically refused to propose. This is her second marriage in the time of my relationship. FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2016 at 9:04pm / Love

Today, at my new fast food job, I was in charge of filtering the grease out of the fryers. I accidentally turned the wrong lever and flooded the kitchen with hot oil. It took over 3 hours to clean up, and my manager is furious. FML

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

by fuckingcool / 06/06/2016 at 12:56am / Health

Today, I found out that I need to get a root canal, the only day I can get an appointment is on the same day I'm flying out for training for my new job. I can't get out of either, so now need to face my fear of flying and fear of dentists the same day. FML

by FlyingPain / 08/05/2016 at 7:16am / United Kingdom / Holidays

Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML

by an unlucky man / 08/05/2016 at 5:37am / United States (California) / Love