Today, I spent an hour pulling poop-covered prickles out of my husky's butt. A duck had startled him while he was doing his business and his first thought was to run, mid-poop, into a prickle bush. FML

by Alittlebitiffy / 11/07/2016 at 8:51am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals

Today, I went into work, thinking it was my last day before I start my new job, as my 2-week notice said to the managers that I can't work after today. None of them believed that I was actually capable of getting a better job and thought my 2-week notice was a joke. FML

by work hard / 11/07/2016 at 7:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Welshite's comment : And that's when you moon-walk out the door while giving them a parting wave in the form of a one-finger salute.

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Today, I have been vomiting for 4 days. Tomorrow, my landlord is insisting on inspecting my flat. I now either have to clean my house whilst trying not to throw up all around it, or fail my inspection. FML

by Homeless? / 11/07/2016 at 6:07am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Health

Today, as I was helping a customer, she asked if it was my first day and who was training me. Evidently, I'm bad at my job, because I've worked there for 7 months. FML

by jxfc / 11/07/2016 at 3:11am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML

by Fartini / 11/07/2016 at 1:47am / Intimacy

Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML

by yoyyo / 11/07/2016 at 1:29am / United States (Kansas) / Love

2016/11/07
Blog

Today, I had to teach my 13-year-old sister that sugar and salt don't, "cancel each other out to make the taste neutral". FML

by poormanslucyliu1 / 11/06/2016 at 9:28pm / Kids

Today, the smoke detector in my bedroom malfunctioned and started going off while my cat was asleep on my shoulder. He panicked and deeply lacerated my nose with his claw as he ran off. Blood got everywhere, and to add insult to injury the unit has no removable battery and wouldn't turn off. FML

by WhoNose / 11/06/2016 at 6:52pm / Animals

Today, I was talking to my best friend about how much of an asshole my ex-boyfriend is. After about 2 hours of non-stop bitching, turns out she's actually dating him. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2016 at 11:31am / United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead) / Love

clickme's comment : WTF kind of 'best friend' is she?

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Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2016 at 8:50am / Work

Today, things were getting steamy with my boyfriend. For once, I tried to be more vocal to turn him on. After five minutes, he says, "Could you stop making animal noises, I feel like I’m fucking in a farmyard." FML

by animal45 / 11/06/2010 at 9:32pm / China (Beijing)

Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML

by ozzy / 11/06/2016 at 4:18am / United States (California) / Love