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Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

#21425418
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25139) - you deserved it (2438)

On 06/13/2015 at 11:47am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

oyeh's comment : I thought they were supposed to teach Common Sense at the academy? Guess they forgot too.

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Today, I found out that my homophobic boyfriend, who I was giving a chance to grow the fuck up and get over his obsession with bashing gays, has been cheating on me with another man. FML

#21425403
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37412) - you deserved it (4166)

On 06/13/2015 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

BananaCoconutty's comment : Oh, you thought he was straight? Well so is spaghetti until it get hot and wet.

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Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML

#21425373
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33528) - you deserved it (1691)

On 06/13/2015 at 8:42am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

tompom331's comment : A. Take them to court for taking your oil B. Get more money out of them for harassment as he is harassing you saying it's his fault C. Get them for trespassing You're in the money

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Today, a man tried to rob the store I work at. Before the guy was taken by the cops, he complained to my manager for "unfriendly behavior". He took it seriously and bitched me out for not providing "quality service" to our customers. FML

#21425364
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28389) - you deserved it (1758)

On 06/13/2015 at 7:45am - work - by notfuckingpaidenough - United States (California)

Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML

#21425208
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22747) - you deserved it (7795)

On 06/12/2015 at 10:41pm - misc - by alyssaamarante - United States (New York)

Today, I was joking around with my manager about faking an injury to collect Worker's Compensation. Then I actually slipped and sprained my foot, and now my manager thinks I'm lying. FML

#21425191
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23140) - you deserved it (11161)

On 06/12/2015 at 10:06pm - work - by nancypants1124 - United States

Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML

#21425187
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25474) - you deserved it (1763)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:56pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was invited to an adult toy party with co-workers. They started by playing a game called 'Never Ever Have I Ever' about everyone's sexual exploits. My mother is a co-worker. I can never un-hear what I heard. FML

#21425174
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28163) - you deserved it (5778)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:22pm - intimacy - by silverspud - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was rear-ended. While I was yelling, "WHAT THE F..." the lady who hit me completely freaked out and drove into me again. Twice. FML

#21425087
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25922) - you deserved it (2040)

On 06/12/2015 at 5:09pm - misc - by BrakesNotBumpers (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

#21425055
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24872) - you deserved it (4146)

On 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick our son up from daycare. His excuse? Fighting in a battle in World of Warcraft was far more important and he had to stay absolutely focused. Our son had to wait for two hours. FML

#21424976
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29043) - you deserved it (4507)

On 06/12/2015 at 12:51pm - misc - by poor baby - Germany

Today, my friends decided to throw a going away party because I'm moving. It would have been great if I had actually been invited. FML

#21424928
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26284) - you deserved it (2021)

On 06/12/2015 at 10:25am - misc - by rcarn - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

#21424919
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24289) - you deserved it (10228)

On 06/12/2015 at 9:42am - health - by fisted (man) - United States (New York)



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