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Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML

#21453585
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20829) - you deserved it (4446)

On 08/08/2015 at 6:56pm - misc - by I love L (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

UserOfTheMind's comment : There's no such thing as too much Tetris

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Today, in the second week of August, hell has come to earth; my mom has been playing Christmas music all afternoon and is already searching online for decorations. I hope she buys a length of rope to go with them, because I've already given up on life. FML

#21453582
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22240) - you deserved it (2410)

On 08/08/2015 at 6:52pm - misc - by brbkillingmyself - United States

DivineZero's comment : I'm all for the holiday spirit, but damn, some people start in on this shit way too early

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Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML

#21453572
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26328) - you deserved it (1792)

On 08/08/2015 at 6:23pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

DivineZero's comment : Drake and Josh anyone? "Have a good day." "Don't tell me what to do."

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Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML

#21453385
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25629) - you deserved it (1677)

On 08/08/2015 at 2:23am - love - by single (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

#21453366
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22023) - you deserved it (1906)

On 08/08/2015 at 1:18am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my wife handed over most of our son's college fund, in cash, to an investment scammer going by the name "Herp A. Derpson". FML

#21453336
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27809) - you deserved it (3079)

On 08/08/2015 at 12:02am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

#21453304
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23491) - you deserved it (9931)

On 08/07/2015 at 10:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML

#21453297
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20148) - you deserved it (10119)

On 08/07/2015 at 9:59pm - misc - by godzilllla - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the park and people were crowded around some dancers. One of the dancers danced up to me, gave me a flower, and winked at me. I was very flattered, until the same dancer asked me to give the flower back after the dance so he could use it on the next show. FML

#21453243
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23118) - you deserved it (2079)

On 08/07/2015 at 6:13pm - misc - by DietWater - United States (California)

Today, my sister offered me a couple doughnuts she bought recently. Thinking she was just being nice, I went ahead and started eating, and was met with the most horrid taste I've ever experienced. Turns out her "recently" was two weeks ago. FML

#21453223
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21428) - you deserved it (1949)

On 08/07/2015 at 5:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

#21453197
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21100) - you deserved it (4227)

On 08/07/2015 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by Gonzales (man) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML

#21453154
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27126) - you deserved it (1696)

On 08/07/2015 at 1:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

#21453135
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21032) - you deserved it (2873)

On 08/07/2015 at 12:36pm - health - by blow me (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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