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Today, an older lady approached me at work and stroked my hair, telling me it was 'beautiful'. This isn't unusual, I'm a natural redhead and octogenarians especially seem to love the colour. However, the unusual part was the glob of snot she left in my hair from her unwashed hands. FML

#21452391
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21572) - you deserved it (1466)

On 08/05/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by gingerwhinger - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML

#21452283
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27290) - you deserved it (2259)

On 08/05/2015 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by TheIVkindaruinsthemood (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Yofigful's comment : If he was actually upset and not joking, I think you should rethink as to why you're dating him. It's possible that he came to visit you just because he wanted some action.

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Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML

#21452257
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23481) - you deserved it (1871)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Zappaz's comment : Actually sounds like the start of a porno

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Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

#21452247
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25454) - you deserved it (2252)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

JMichael's comment : It's ridiculous the rationality people come up with for cheating on people.

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Today, I entered a painting I'd worked on for weeks into an art competition. I won nothing. I wouldn't care so much if the guy I lost out to hadn't submitted a blank canvas and called it a "conceptual piece". FML

#21452227
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24879) - you deserved it (1686)

On 08/05/2015 at 12:47pm - misc - by thekyledavid (man) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

#21452187
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22191) - you deserved it (4089)

On 08/05/2015 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

Today, I got written up because apparently leaning on the counter at work is unprofessional, even if you're about to pass out and the counter is the only thing keeping you on your feet. FML

#21452123
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22835) - you deserved it (2007)

On 08/05/2015 at 4:39am - work - by kaybear13 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wasn't feeling our two-month relationship was up to par with his parents' 30-year marriage, and, furthermore, I wasn't similar enough to his mother. FML

#21452087
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24315) - you deserved it (1905)

On 08/05/2015 at 2:13am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out that you can ruin a $500 computer with a few stray drops of 100% acetone nail polish remover on the keyboard. FML

#21452034
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12344) - you deserved it (20119)

On 08/05/2015 at 12:37am - misc - by just wanted nice nails - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML

#21451972
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21695) - you deserved it (2614)

On 08/04/2015 at 10:33pm - love - by Carowl (woman) -

Today, I found out my new puppy has worms by him scooting his butt across my new carpet. It's like smeared spaghetti. FML

#21451858
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23371) - you deserved it (2401)

On 08/04/2015 at 5:42pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, the girl I've loved for years kissed me. Then she started crying and wiping her mouth, and had a panic attack. I had to help her through it, tell her that it was no big deal, and that it would never happen again. FML



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