Today, my girlfriend started insulting me on Facebook. Angry and hurt, I let it all out and insulted her back with her obesity. Turns out it was her brother who used her account to play a "prank" on me. FML

by Fabio / 07/28/2016 at 8:13pm / Malta / Love

ShortieRose's comment : Why wouldn't you start off with a call to said girlfriend and say " hey babe, what's up with the public insults?" instead of ripping into her?!?! She's likely going to be pissed at you... if not possibly break up with you!!!!

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Today, I noticed quite a few scars on one of my coworker's legs. I pulled her aside and told her that self-harm was never the answer, and if she needed to talk I was always there. Turns out she's just clumsy and trips a lot. FML

by CyberPsycho / 07/28/2016 at 12:24pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work

whysobeachy's comment : Making assumptions is a stupid thing to do, but then, if she DID inflict self-harm, it's not like she'd admit it that easily.

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Today, I ran into an old couple everyone has been avoiding in my small town. Four weeks ago, they accidentally posted a picture of their pierced junk on Facebook, and I was one of the unlucky people who saw the actual picture. I can't make eye contact with them anymore. FML

by ReayHorse / 07/28/2016 at 12:02pm / Miscellaneous

Vitani_Verci's comment : Accidents happen. Also it's just human anatomy. I feel worse for them if they didn't want anyone seeing the image, let alone being treated differently for it.

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Today, my husband and I had our first prenatal appointment. My doctor told us we shouldn't have sex during the first trimester, "just to be safe". He has no evidence to back this, but now my husband is too scared to touch me. FML

by 2.5-long-months / 07/28/2016 at 9:49am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, despite my best efforts to keep my new apartment clean and weeks of denying the complex has a bug problem, I came face to face with a roach in my cupboard. I swear the little bastard waved at me. FML

by jettison17 / 07/28/2016 at 2:41am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered that despite locking the bathroom door of an airplane, a man is still fully capable of walking in on you changing your tampon. FML

by sweet / 07/27/2016 at 10:50pm / Transportation

Today, I was fired from my job. Not because I don't do a good job but because my boss didn't feel it was appropriate to have an affair with my wife and have to face me everyday. FML

by Wellthen / 07/27/2016 at 9:07pm / Work

Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 4:32pm / Intimacy

Today, I learned that I'm in that special kind of relationship where my ex thinks we're still married, no matter how many times I tell him that we were divorced over a year ago. FML

by ssenmodnaR / 07/27/2016 at 12:30pm / Love

Today, when I got home from work I was pretty "in the mood" so I put on some cute undies and a tank top and went to get my boyfriends attention, he was so into his new computer game all I got was a half smile and a pat on the head. FML

by csgocockblock / 07/27/2016 at 1:26pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, my neighbour was singing in the shower so loud that I could understand every word. He was singing "Purple Rain", which wouldn't have been so bad if he only knew a bit more of the lyrics. He has been singing those same two words for half an hour now. FML

by JustShutUp / 07/27/2016 at 2:40pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my dog is allergic to all forms of animal. His new vegetarian food is $90 a bag, and he refuses to eat it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 12:45pm / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I are looking at places to stay to meet for the first time. I figured renting a small vacation apartment would be ideal because he's not able to help pay because he isn't working and I'm not rich. He's telling me he can only be comfortable in 4 star hotels. FML

by Broke / 07/27/2016 at 12:38pm / United States (California) / Love