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Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

#21285558
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37546) - you deserved it (7583)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:25am - intimacy - by soisblueballsdickhead (woman) - United States

DontClickOnMe's comment : He could've been nicer about it, but if it really bothers you, ask him how he likes it and to give you some tips. He should be helpful, not hurtful.

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Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

#21285546
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33215) - you deserved it (4519)

On 10/26/2014 at 9:54am - kids - by Bob H. (man) - Canada (Quebec)

dancer824's comment : Your son sounds great

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Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21285495
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22288) - you deserved it (21122)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:35am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was shopping at my workplace, out of uniform, with my husband. A customer recognised me and wanted me to serve him, but I couldn't since we can be fired for doing so while off-duty. He complained to my manager, who wasted no time publicly bitching me out. FML

#21285416
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33484) - you deserved it (2151)

On 10/26/2014 at 1:53am - work - by iskiel (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Binglebeee's comment : So wait, the person who is in authority and should know the rules complains that you follow the rules? I think we know who really needs firing here!

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Today, I was at work and a lady screamed at my manager for about 15 minutes, saying I needed to be fired because I couldn't get rid of all the flies buzzing around her food. She was the one who chose to eat on our patio. FML

#21285397
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30823) - you deserved it (2034)

On 10/26/2014 at 1:17am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was laying in bed in my dark room, with only my phone's light on, a huge moth flew around it and directly into my open mouth. FML

#21285341
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28712) - you deserved it (4721)

On 10/25/2014 at 11:47pm - misc - by j_portal - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML

#21285323
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31535) - you deserved it (2513)

On 10/25/2014 at 11:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

#21285216
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31317) - you deserved it (2370)

On 10/25/2014 at 8:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to the police station to find out if the tint on my new car's windshield was too dark. The officer took one look, told me that windshield tints are illegal in California, and ticketed me. So much for being honest. FML

#21285139
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31806) - you deserved it (8508)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:58pm - misc - by tanisLX - United States (California)

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

#21285126
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34199) - you deserved it (7711)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

#21285040
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32715) - you deserved it (5346)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

#21285028
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32984) - you deserved it (4257)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:27pm - work - by not on life, that's for fucking sure (man) - United States

Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML

#21284997
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31311) - you deserved it (2610)

On 10/25/2014 at 1:32pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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