by knife knife / 09/19/2016 at 8:38pm / United Kingdom (Midlothian) / Miscellaneous
littleflowertje's comment : Why??
Today, after talking to the man whose car I scratched, we agreed that the damages and cost of repair were so low and instead of me paying I just buy him coffee. When I showed up he saw me, decided I was too ugly to have coffee with, and instead demanded full payment in cash. FML
by ilovepancakes / 09/19/2016 at 8:29pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
54754N4's comment : wtf. didn't he see you when you talked about the scratches ?
Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML
by dude i am so sorry / 09/19/2016 at 3:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Welshite's comment : Ugh. That's just being an irresponsible chemist, and an abuse of knowledge. Small amounts of silver nitrate are an annoyance, but every chemical has its dangers.
Today, I was notified of card fraud. As I was on the phone with the fraud department to take out any cash I could, the ATM ate my card and shredded it. The chip in my other card stopped working last week. I'm in Sweden until December and I have no money until October 1st. FML
by tjmtjm / 09/19/2016 at 1:47pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Money
Today, my boss had to order some more work pants since mine were worn out after 7 months. He told me the next set I would have to buy myself since they last workers about 2 years, and I must be treating them too roughly. I didn't want to admit that my thighs rubbing together ended up shredding the fabric. FML
by thickly / 09/19/2016 at 1:31pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work
Today, my wife announced she had a sexy surprise for me. Turns out she got a Brazilian wax, which is a huge turn-off for me. Not only could I not get it up, I got to hear all about how much her last boyfriend loved it. FML.
by HairToStay / 09/19/2016 at 12:04pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I screamed at a taxi driver to not run over a hedgehog. He got a fright and ended up pulling over. I hopped out and ran to the middle of the road to pick up the hedgehog and leave him on the grass by the path. As I got closer and went to pick up said hedgehog, I realised it was a pinecone. FML
by simpleasjam / 09/19/2016 at 10:27am / United Kingdom (Sutton) / Animals
by Anonymous / 09/19/2016 at 10:03am / United States / Work
Today, I finally have a job I love with amazing people I call family and a fantastic boss. I've been here 8 months, and I'm doing a great job, I feel like I could work here forever! My most recent project? Printing our "Store closing sale" signs for liquidation. We permanently close in 7 weeks. FML
by mischalucksux / 09/19/2016 at 9:54am / United States / Work
by Gas-pingForAir / 09/19/2016 at 4:59am / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I was an extra in a movie and I had to play a corpse. At the make up stand, they painted my mouth blue. I then asked the make-up artist why they didn’t do more : "You’re so pale it looks like you’re already dead". FML