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Today, I was out with my brother and his group of very cute friends at a Cheesecake Factory. When the server came to take our orders, she asked me what kind of sauce I liked. Like a complete fuckwit, I blurted, "I like creamy white stuff." The guy across from me choked on his water. FML

Yimpish's comment : Bet that's not the only choking that occurred

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Today, I had a bad feeling about walking to work because of the weather. Instead, I drove. My car slid on the ice and I created a four-car pile up. All three of the other people involved have decided to sue me. I should've walked. FML

#21513822
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23391) - you deserved it (3637)

On 01/11/2016 at 1:49am - misc - by krfenton8 -

hardcorefan16's comment : That's not really your fault though. Cars do slide on ice. No one knows when it will happen.

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Today, I went out with my mom to a restaurant. We were sitting down to eat, and a waitress walks over to our table and asks, "How are you ladies doing tonight?" It really was a nice thing to ask, for my mom. As for me, being a man, not so much. FML

#21513803
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19476) - you deserved it (2116)

On 01/11/2016 at 12:28am - misc - by TheMike23 (man) - United States (Florida)

Yimpish's comment : You should respond in the deepest voice you can muster, "Great how about you?"

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Today, I told a customer the bread he wanted has been discontinued. He replied with, "Are you serious? What is your name? I'm going up front to complain about you." I still don't understand how that's specifically my fault. FML

#21513672
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20370) - you deserved it (1218)

On 01/10/2016 at 6:53pm - work - by fritzile - United States (Arizona)

Today, the guy I made out with on New Year's Eve finally called me. Too bad it was to blame me for the picture of us which someone had sent to his girlfriend. I never took a picture, and had no idea he was in a relationship. FML

#21513662
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20102) - you deserved it (1722)

On 01/10/2016 at 6:33pm - love - by CharlieKearney (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, being the clean freak that I am, I bought an expensive pair of 'mop socks'. As I walked upstairs to show everyone, I slipped on the corner of the bottom step and landed on my face, breaking my toe in the process. FML

#21513596
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16700) - you deserved it (4598)

On 01/10/2016 at 2:55pm - health - by chloeleigholivia - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I texted the girl I'm going to homecoming with in a couple days to say hi. The conversation started OK, but then morphed into her saying that she doesn't feel anything between us, and wants to stop being friends after the dance. I have to buy her dinner and a ticket, out of my own wallet. FML

#21513595
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19069) - you deserved it (2227)

On 01/10/2016 at 2:46pm - love - by BURGERT0WN USA - United States (Washington)

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four month old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML

#21513493
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20750) - you deserved it (1424)

On 01/10/2016 at 8:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom said if I dont get straight A's in my classes this year, she'll get the school to hold me back until I do. I believe her. FML

#21513478
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19943) - you deserved it (2323)

On 01/10/2016 at 5:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got up at 5 am to bake a surprise birthday cake for my 16-year-old son. I put the cake on the table and went to call my son. "Surprise!" When I came back 30 seconds later, the cake was all gone and the dog was licking his lips. My son won't even believe I made a cake. FML

#21513467
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22017) - you deserved it (2833)

On 01/10/2016 at 4:07am - animals - by Devotedmom (woman) - Belgium (Liege)

Today, the person I was driving behind put their car in reverse and backed straight into me. I was then yelled at and told, "I had my reversing lights on! Why didn't you move?!" FML

#21513365
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22384) - you deserved it (1621)

On 01/09/2016 at 10:27pm - misc - by Brayden - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

#21513340
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8996) - you deserved it (72824)

On 01/09/2016 at 9:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

#21513338
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22260) - you deserved it (2208)

On 01/09/2016 at 9:07pm - love - by Jack (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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