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Today, I apologised to someone for my misuse of the word 'coloured' in a discussion about ethnic minority issues. They then got even more angry and said that to even quote the word in the context of an apology is evidence of my ignorance and inherent racism. FML

#21362753
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26461) - you deserved it (4218)

On 02/24/2015 at 6:13pm - misc - by whiteycan'tgetitrightey - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

#21362728
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33985) - you deserved it (7265)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

drayloon's comment : Judging by your name OP, I assume this is a family tradition?

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Today, I worked my boyfriend's shift so he could stay home. I even brought him the free meal I got for helping out. Turns out he wanted to stay home so badly to cheat on me. FML

#21362681
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36801) - you deserved it (2563)

On 02/24/2015 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by xxruby - United States (Texas)

ZombieSazza's comment : I sincerely hope you mean ex-boyfriend.

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Today, it was the day my catheter was to be removed. The nurse removing it deflated the balloon, and then tried pulling it out. After me screaming in extreme pain, she found out she hadn't actually deflated the balloon all the way. She was trying to pull a small balloon through my dick hole. FML

#21362632
112 comments

CamBen's comment : *every single guy on FML shudders and clutches his dick* I'm honestly glad I cannot relate to this.

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Today, my mom sent me a pic of a blank paper, saying it was a drawing of all the people who wanted to date me. FML

#21362620
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32560) - you deserved it (2704)

On 02/24/2015 at 2:32pm - misc - by toastynippies - United States

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

#21362603
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27354) - you deserved it (7626)

On 02/24/2015 at 2:02pm - love - by hamboneghost (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML

#21362525
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25659) - you deserved it (1831)

On 02/24/2015 at 11:15am - health - by novaguy - United States

Today, my fiance and his family accused me of being with him only because he's rich, refusing to go ahead with the wedding. I accepted his marriage proposal 4 years ago, when he was penniless and unemployed. FML

#21362501
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41063) - you deserved it (2177)

On 02/24/2015 at 10:10am - love - by Anonymous - India (Tamil Nadu)

Today, whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend, she received a flirty message from her ex on her phone asking if she wanted to go to the cinema. She replied, knowing I could see the screen. The messages were signed with a love heart and about 15 kisses. She claims they are still just friends. FML

#21362430
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31578) - you deserved it (3365)

On 02/24/2015 at 6:50am - love - by anonymous - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, my boss called me, furious about how I "never answer my phone", especially when important clients are trying to reach me, and how unprofessional I am. I make very sure to never miss any calls, my boss just keeps giving out the wrong number to people. FML

#21362364
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29724) - you deserved it (1660)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:19am - work - by O (woman) - Sweden

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

#21362244
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26738) - you deserved it (4726)

On 02/23/2015 at 11:58pm - misc - by MDoremis - United States (Hawaii)

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

#21362166
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35767) - you deserved it (2794)

On 02/23/2015 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by sammy18f (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I ordered Chinese and told them I was allergic to eggs. I took a bite and I found some egg, quickly spat it out and took my antihistamines. When I returned with it and complained about my potential demise, they gave me a free orange to apologise. I'm allergic to oranges. FML

#21361977
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29870) - you deserved it (5009)

On 02/23/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by hatemebeforetheyevenhatch (woman) - United Kingdom (West Dunbartonshire)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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