Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my 8-year-old daughter was throwing a tantrum, and I said "Keep this up and I'll tell Santa to take your presents back." She told me I don't even know Santa, at which point I accidentally blurted that I'm "Santa". FML

#21323581
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28726) - you deserved it (11050)

On 12/24/2014 at 10:01pm - kids - by Santa (man) - United States (Florida)

JMichael's comment : She had to find out sometime. And what better time than when she's being a brat.

See all the comments →

Today, I was feeling slightly off while making out with my boyfriend. I managed to push him away, but not before I puked half-digested sushi in his mouth. FML

#21323557
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29946) - you deserved it (4122)

On 12/24/2014 at 9:02pm - health - by rossea - Australia

euphoricness's comment : Ew that's more fuck his life

See all the comments →

Today, as I walked into McDonald's with my mom, she glanced at me and said, "Smells like your future." FML

#21323487
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29083) - you deserved it (3363)

On 12/24/2014 at 6:56pm - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, my ex boyfriend got married to the girl he told me was his sister. FML

#21323420
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32759) - you deserved it (2488)

On 12/24/2014 at 4:49pm - love - by single - United States (Utah)

j11a01's comment : Could be worst. Could actually be sister.

See all the comments →

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

Today, my parents refused to give my daughter her Christmas presents as an act of revenge against her father. FML

#21323347
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28704) - you deserved it (2098)

On 12/24/2014 at 3:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up while staying at my friend's house. I saw the bathroom light on, so for a laugh, I got up and quietly pennied the door. After laughing at him struggling to open the door, I decided to let him out. Turned out it wasn't my friend in there; it was his dad. FML

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

#21323182
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32776) - you deserved it (3387)

On 12/24/2014 at 9:43am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML

#21323138
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30632) - you deserved it (2327)

On 12/24/2014 at 7:03am - misc - by jflac (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML

#21323028
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31264) - you deserved it (2831)

On 12/24/2014 at 12:56am - misc - by now what - United States (California)

Today, I set a trap to catch a mouse that ran across my foot. Not only did the trap shut on my finger twice, but I watched the mouse run over the trap without it snapping shut. I guess I have a new roommate. FML

#21322900
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26788) - you deserved it (3906)

On 12/23/2014 at 8:48pm - animals - by AquaKelly - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend slept with my sister. "Accidentally", apparently. FML

#21322801
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36991) - you deserved it (2912)

On 12/23/2014 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, for my Christmas bonus at work, I got a potted plant and some lotion. FML

#21322774
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26513) - you deserved it (2575)

On 12/23/2014 at 3:58pm - work - by whut - United States



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Idan Schneider's illustrated FML
  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: