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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I realized out how sad my love life is when I got excited that the number a girl gave me turned out to really be hers. FML

#21417861
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27082) - you deserved it (2410)

On 05/30/2015 at 1:40am - love - by L_lives (man) - United States (California)

0void0's comment : Quit posting here and go CALL IT!

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Today, my dad met my boyfriend. It took less than 10 seconds for him to accuse my boyfriend of being a "queer" because his handshake was "too limp". FML

#21417868
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26432) - you deserved it (3117)

On 05/30/2015 at 12:23am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

El_Boxeador's comment : Tell your dad "Fortunately for me, he's other thing isn't too limp". I bet he won't think he's a queer anymore!! He might kill him tho...

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Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

#21417851
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29437) - you deserved it (2491)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:51pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

tweetyzyaw's comment : Time to call the Fuzz

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Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

#21417834
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27595) - you deserved it (1805)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to a fancy beauty parlor to prepare for my sister's birthday party. The minute I stepped out of the salon, with my hair beautifully trimmed and curled, a bird decided to use it as a toilet. FML

#21417814
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26471) - you deserved it (2110)

On 05/29/2015 at 10:39pm - animals - by poophead (woman) - Philippines

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

#21417809
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12366) - you deserved it (35454)

On 05/29/2015 at 10:31pm - misc - by smartass - United States (Texas)

Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

#21417788
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23863) - you deserved it (5191)

On 05/29/2015 at 9:34pm - work - by explosivepeach - United States (Maryland)

Today, at my daughter's wedding celebration, I was doing a Michael Jackson act with a few buddies. It went well until I did the crotch-grab. I yanked my balls too hard and fell to the floor, writhing in agony in front of nearly 70 guests. FML

#21417667
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15260) - you deserved it (23451)

On 05/29/2015 at 4:15pm - health - by not a kiddy fiddler really (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to explain to my little sister that not all guitars are supposed to have a hole in them, that when I was talking about "breaking it in" I didn't mean I'd smash a hole in it, and that she shouldn't have taken a hammer to my expensive new guitar. FML

#21417642
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26434) - you deserved it (2412)

On 05/29/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

#21417626
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28585) - you deserved it (2106)

On 05/29/2015 at 2:28pm - love - by probably single (man) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I crossed the street without holding her hand. FML

#21417560
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28873) - you deserved it (3691)

On 05/29/2015 at 11:05am - love - by GlueAndCarrots - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

#21417547
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25273) - you deserved it (4144)

On 05/29/2015 at 10:23am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

#21417526
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30111) - you deserved it (7835)

On 05/29/2015 at 9:04am - love - by Headless (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)



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