by chazzywazzy654 / 05/27/2016 at 9:20am / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Health
Today, I was mowing my lawn and it had a dry looking dog turd. I figured I'd be able to mow it easily into the grass bag as dust. Instead, it still had enough moisture to splatter into clumps. Including a couple that went up my left nostril. FML
by Furzball / 05/27/2016 at 2:19am / United States (California) / Animals
Kakapo4Ever's comment : I mean, when you make the conscious decision to mow a dog shit, you kinda deserve it.
Today, after spending all day begging my husband to stop playing video games and show me some attention, I finally fell asleep out of boredom. As soon as I did, he shut the game off and went to hang out with our neighbor. FML
by megsterr413 / 05/27/2016 at 12:45am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
SpyroMello's comment : Next time he asks for dinner just ignore him until he falls asleep. Then go eat with your neighbor.
by ijustwannaplaymymusic / 05/27/2016 at 12:40am / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, I was playing basketball in the searing heat with my friends. I jokingly told my friend that I was gonna die if I stayed out there much longer. Two minutes later, I got the ball and made the shot that won. Too bad I didn't see it, since I collapsed right as I took the shot and blacked out. FML
by Anonymous / 05/27/2016 at 12:07am / United States (South Carolina) / Health
ssnow's comment : Talk about a fadeaway shot....
by RedFaced / 05/26/2016 at 8:11pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous
by Disappointed / 05/26/2016 at 4:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, the management office of my apartment building announced it will be keeping packages in the office until you can pick them up. They also posted new hours. There will be someone in the office once a week, for two hours only. I work those two hours, every single week. No more mail for me. FML
by nomail / 05/26/2016 at 3:55pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, my economics teacher gives us a lot of photocopies, so I told her that she kills pandas by wasting so much paper. One of the girls in my class said, “No way! They use pandas to make paper?” FML
Today, my co-workers decided in our meeting with my boss that everything is my fault. When asked for examples, they couldn't come up with any. Now they are mad at me, because I'm apparently good at my job. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2016 at 12:58pm / Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen) / Work
by captainCrunchhh / 05/26/2016 at 12:37pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally tested out my new robot vacuum cleaner. My puppy decided she would test it out too by leaving a brown surprise for it to find, which it did. There are now brown marks in every room of the house. FML
by justpeachy1989 / 05/26/2016 at 10:06am / Australia / Animals
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I've been living in Germany for several weeks now. My classmates still cannot pronounce my… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…