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Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML

#21235196
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42695) - you deserved it (3967)

On 08/11/2014 at 8:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

mattlikesfunions's comment : Tell her about the awesome girl you met (insert date you met here) and wait for her to realize you mean her

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Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

purplebabytacos1's comment : Well you won't be holding that baby for a while.

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Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML

#21234971
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45019) - you deserved it (3294)

On 08/11/2014 at 3:54pm - work - by poorman (man) - United States (California)

sexyboi1985's comment : Did you touch him by punching him in his face ?

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Today, my coworkers and I were comparing the backgrounds we have on our phones. They pretty much sum up our love lives; everyone else's background is a photo of their boyfriend or girlfriend. Mine's a photo of a lifeless desert. FML

#21235038
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35189) - you deserved it (4108) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/11/2014 at 3:05pm - love - by Fennec (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was walking to a job interview. I needed to get rid of some gum but there were no trash cans in sight, so I spat it out on the ground. Next thing I know, some guy grabs me, sticks the gum in my hair, and walks off, muttering curses. I couldn't get it out in time for the interview. FML

#21234860
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20100) - you deserved it (44943)

On 08/11/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment's for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket because walking is "too painful". FML

#21234823
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39308) - you deserved it (4015)

On 08/11/2014 at 12:27pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML

#21234785
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35284) - you deserved it (2967)

On 08/11/2014 at 11:02am - misc - by welptimetoburntheplacedown (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, at my job as a fast food manager, I saw one of my employees "trying to pick the bugs out" of our cookies. They were the raisins in them. FML

#21234756
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34983) - you deserved it (3005)

On 08/11/2014 at 10:18am - work - by mcmanager - United States (California)

Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML

#21234535
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38335) - you deserved it (3128)

On 08/11/2014 at 1:11am - misc - by Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34297) - you deserved it (3043)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46635) - you deserved it (5506)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

#21234068
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33078) - you deserved it (8403)

On 08/10/2014 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

#21234023
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45698) - you deserved it (2864)

On 08/10/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Bayern)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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