Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

by please don't get the succ / 06/29/2016 at 2:21pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML

by insert pussy pun, hurr durr / 06/29/2016 at 1:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, my dad might be dead. I'm basing this solely on the fact that he hasn't called recently to verbally abuse me as he often does. He constantly beat me as a child, yet now I'm kind of worried for the piece of shit. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2016 at 10:42am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Kr1ket927's comment : It sucks having a good heart. We even worry about the assholes. FYL OP =/

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Today, a wasp ended up in the house. Normally, I'd just open a door to outside and run for cover, but my 3-year-old son was home, so I decided to be brave and kill it. It flew into the air vents. We're now playing wasp roulette every time we enter a room. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2016 at 8:24am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Baustigt's comment : It's nice of you to include the wasp in your games of roulette. I'm sure it doesn't often get to feel like it has friends.

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Today my neighbor's asked me to feed their two horses while they go on vacation for a month. I happily agreed. As they were getting in the car to drive off, they added, "Oh, and water the plants!" They have six acres. FML

sterling1113's comment : Hopefully with that much land it's as simple as turning on a sprinkler system. I can't imagine they hand-water all of it. Best of luck!

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Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

by why me / 06/29/2016 at 12:41am / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, my friend invited me to go on vacation with her and friends, saying we would all share a suite. I booked my flight. The trip is almost here and she now tells me there is no room for me and I have to get my own room. This is the second time she has done this. FML

Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML

by Seule / 06/29/2016 at 12:07am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Love

Today, my supervisor gave me a grand introduction as I met the CEO for the first time. He introduced me as, "Employee number zero." FML

Today, for the third day in a row, I have been volunteered to kill and dispose of the bugs entering my apartment. I live with two "manly" men who can't use a flyswatter. FML

by anonymous / 06/28/2016 at 11:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working as a highway patrol officer, I pulled over my girlfriend for speeding and was required by law to ticket her. Another officer was with me, so I couldn't not ticket her without being reported. We share a joint account, so I basically ticketed myself. FML

by Anonymous / 06/28/2016 at 10:17pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML

by crybaby / 06/28/2016 at 1:54pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I knew my relationship was basically over when my boyfriend invited me over, and I was more excited about seeing his dog than seeing him. FML

by hannamacintosh / 06/28/2016 at 1:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love