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Today, I went to a club to celebrate New Year's Eve. A cute guy came up to me at the bar and asked my name. I thought my 8 year long dry spell was finally about to end. I smiled and said "Chrissy!" He said "That's a whore's name!" and wandered back off into the crowd. FML

#21327860
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31470) - you deserved it (2975)

On 12/31/2014 at 2:39pm - love - by cakestar9 (woman) - Ireland (Clare)

MrSassypants's comment : If he's going to be all pissy, and throw a hissy, for your name being Chrissy, you shouldn't mess with that mister, missy.

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Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

#21327839
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23323) - you deserved it (42293)

On 12/31/2014 at 2:00pm - kids - by skanula414 (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

cmonger's comment : Why would you believe your 7-year-old daughter before believing your husband? YDI.

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Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

#21327810
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28900) - you deserved it (2372)

On 12/31/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

soulstrike23's comment : Don't sweat it she probably has issues to jump to conclusions like that

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Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

#21327640
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29952) - you deserved it (4206)

On 12/31/2014 at 3:08am - misc - by driverboy - United States

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, 'No way' or 'It looks great on you', I accidentally said 'Yeah, I know'. FML

#21327629
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17907) - you deserved it (30621)

On 12/31/2014 at 2:47am - health - by bridezilla - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, at work, a 3-year-old threw an egg at me from his cart. I couldn't leave my register to clean my hair because it was too busy, so when the new manager came in, he wrote me up for "unkempt appearance." Now my new hire probation period is extended 30 days, and my nickname is "Egghead." FML

#21327516
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29879) - you deserved it (2176)

On 12/30/2014 at 11:38pm - work - by EggHead - United States (Virginia)

Today, my sister is having a New Year's Eve party at our house. I'm not invited. FML

#21327508
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28779) - you deserved it (2595)

On 12/30/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by Excalibur6669 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML

#21327463
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33137) - you deserved it (2637)

On 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my aunt and uncle came into the restaurant I work at to give me a late Christmas gift. The gift was the $20 tip they left, which got divided amongst all the staff. FML

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

#21327404
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26590) - you deserved it (15575)

On 12/30/2014 at 8:39pm - work - by smooth - United States

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

#21327341
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23290) - you deserved it (4165)

On 12/30/2014 at 6:47pm - health - by insomniacap (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I called asking about a job I interviewed for 3 weeks ago. It's a scummy call center where known drug addicts work. They told me I wasn't getting the job. I guess my high school diploma and being drug-free makes me not good enough to work there. FML

Today, after we had sex, my boyfriend told me how my orgasms used to make him think I was having a seizure. FML

#21327166
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27044) - you deserved it (3239)

On 12/30/2014 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by GladYoureConcerned (woman) - United States (Arizona)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

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