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Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

#21451650
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20055) - you deserved it (5825)

On 08/04/2015 at 3:33am - love - by that girl has a beard - Canada

TheNiceOne's comment : Op, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say that it was probably really really dark in there at the time.

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Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

#21451593
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24484) - you deserved it (1831)

On 08/04/2015 at 12:23am - misc - by MomStayOutOfTheCar - United States

achoo123's comment : Next time make her sit in the back, just don't let her drive with you at all.

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Today, my local USPS delivery man refused to deliver any more packages to my house, because in the past, my dogs have barked at him and he feels threatened. He also filed a complaint about our house because apparently my driveway has branches that, to him, are considered "hazardous." FML

MDoremis's comment : Ugh, we had a postal worker once that kept getting mad at us because she had to take the larger packages up to the door. I'm sooo sorry you have to do your job.

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Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

#21451556
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23530) - you deserved it (1628)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:48pm - work - by eventer1919 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I also needed to add, "Does not currently live in a psychiatric hospital, after being declared 'Not criminally responsible for a crime'" to my list of qualities that I want in a man. FML

#21451515
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20259) - you deserved it (2005)

On 08/03/2015 at 9:43pm - love - by whyyyyyme (woman) - Canada

Today, I met my wife's mistress, at the maternity ward in the hospital, after she gave birth to our second child. FML

#21451505
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23036) - you deserved it (1927)

On 08/03/2015 at 9:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was at a bar. When asked if I wanted a refill of my coffee, I said yes, and moved the cup from my lap to the counter. As I did this, the waitress spilled hot coffee right into my crotch. FML

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

#21451285
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26416) - you deserved it (14019)

On 08/03/2015 at 11:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

#21451268
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22796) - you deserved it (9761)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:14am - love - by Cygnus - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months and I had sex for the first time last night. This afternoon he texted me saying, "I had an amazing night with you yesterday." Following that text he said, "I forgot to tell you I have an STD." FML

#21451172
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32594) - you deserved it (6062)

On 08/03/2015 at 2:06am - intimacy - by ahhh - United States (Illinois)

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

#21451161
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24871) - you deserved it (2060)

On 08/03/2015 at 1:31am - health - by sendhelp - United States (Utah)

Today, my friend offered to make me a playlist for the gym. I thought it was really thoughtful, until I started listening to it during my workout and realized that every single song was "Supersize Me" with the title changed. FML

#21451102
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21730) - you deserved it (1997)

On 08/02/2015 at 11:25pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

#21451089
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22979) - you deserved it (3199)

On 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm - kids - by BrandonDrapeau - United States (New Jersey)



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