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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my mom and dad played rock, paper, scissors over who gets to spend the night with me in the hospital tonight while I have surgery. FML

#21209860
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45547) - you deserved it (3653)

On 07/15/2014 at 4:11pm - health - by smh (woman) - United States

Today, every house in my neighborhood was vandalized. They skipped our house. Everybody thinks it was me. FML

#21209396
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50658) - you deserved it (3642)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:35pm - misc - by chloecamp - United States (Connecticut)

omgitsmoe's comment : Well , you are fucked fyl

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Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

#21209385
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46550) - you deserved it (5256)

On 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm - intimacy - by thedoc (man) - United States (Texas)

music_is_life22's comment : Well everybody has their fetishes XD

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Today, I went into my former workplace. While there, an ex-coworker told me that after I quit, they split my position into two separate jobs. When I worked there, my boss had told me to suck it up whenever I said there was too much work for just one person. FML

#21209204
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43444) - you deserved it (3312)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:52pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML

#21209203
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39256) - you deserved it (5640)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:48pm - love - by KaiyaOtaku1 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got chewed out by a parent for putting her kid underwater. I teach swim lessons. FML

#21209168
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41208) - you deserved it (3394)

On 07/14/2014 at 7:04pm - work - by AFH2O - United States (California)

Today, I left the house I'm staying at, not knowing that thunderstorms were forecast. I came back from work to find dog shit splattered all over the kitchen. Apparently the dogs I'm watching don't like thunder. FML

#21209155
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36309) - you deserved it (4645)

On 07/14/2014 at 6:48pm - animals - by Hiimhaileypotter (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I tried to impress my boyfriend by slowly backing up and biting my lip to get him to come closer and kiss me. I ended up smacking the back of my head against a brick wall. FML

Welshite's comment : He makes you that lightheaded hmm? That's a sign of true love right there.

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Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a face time. Busted. FML

#21208909
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28231) - you deserved it (44711)

On 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm - intimacy - by Ob3nie - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my son has been trying to save enough of his earwax to make a candle. FML

#21208907
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39242) - you deserved it (4986)

On 07/14/2014 at 1:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML

Today, my wooden floor gave me a splinter on the bottom of my foot. I don't have the flexibility nor the eyesight to find it. FML

#21208684
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36509) - you deserved it (6212)

On 07/14/2014 at 5:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

#21208679
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34977) - you deserved it (5258)

On 07/14/2014 at 5:31am - misc - by photoman (man) - Austria (Wien)



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