Today, while sitting down on the dentist's chair, the tooth to be removed came out on its own. I still had to pay $50 for the cotton and advice. FML

by dukemisery / 11/05/2016 at 4:53am / Hong Kong / Health

Today, while out to dinner with my adult daughter, I told her I look at her Twitter because it helped me to feel close to her since she rarely calls or visits. When I got home from dinner and looked at her Twitter, she had set it to private. FML

by Angel / 10/25/2016 at 4:54pm / Kids

Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML

by JackNicholsonInChinatown / 10/24/2016 at 10:58pm / Animals

Today, I felt something wet and warm on my arm. I looked down and saw a kid with his mouth attached to my arm. Didn't expect that out of a third grader. FML

by jwolt92 / 10/24/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML

by upset / 10/24/2016 at 8:08pm / Animals

Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML

by thinking of military school / 10/23/2016 at 4:35pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "too clingy". I haven't seen her in over 3 weeks and texted her first once. Guess that's still too much for her. FML

by I wasn't being clingy geez / 10/23/2016 at 1:18pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, I got yelled at by a man for not opening my store 10-15 minutes before the scheduled opening time, which made his 84-year-old wife shit her pants waiting to get in. It didn't matter when I explained I had no way to know she needed to use the restroom. FML

by mandosfriend / 10/23/2016 at 1:15pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I dropped a butcher's knife on my knuckle. Five stitches later, I can't even wipe my own butt. FML

by majesticous / 10/23/2016 at 11:56am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Health

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for months invited me on a group hiking trip this weekend so that she won't be the most out of shape person on the trail. FML

by Crushed / 11/04/2016 at 10:23am / Love

Today, I really didn't want to go to work. Still, I showed up for work early on the busiest night of the week and stayed back until past 10 p.m. Exhausted, I went to sign off the roster when I realised that, in fact, I was not rostered on for today at all. I'm on tomorrow, though. FML

by extrashiftwhoo / 11/04/2016 at 9:59am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, it's been three days since I told this guy I liked him and he told me he liked me. It's also been three days since he contacted me. So, I called his phone and I was told by someone that they were attributed that number three days ago. I think it's safe to say the feelings weren't mutual. FML

by myfuturelover / 11/03/2016 at 11:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I wore my best suit to an interview. I was told they didn't have any knight shifts available. FML

On 11/04/2016 at 9:35am
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