Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

by Sisi / 08/29/2016 at 12:49pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Vitani_Verci's comment : This is a lesson to not eat what is not yours, without permission OP. I also do not know how you did not realize it was for dogs just by the taste..

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Today, while flying home, two little girls started chanting, "We're all going to die." I'm an extremely anxious flyer. FML

by MDoremis / 08/28/2016 at 3:24pm / United States (Hawaii) / Transportation

Today, on my way to work, I was checking my hair in the semi-reflective window of an office building. I suddenly realized that the guy I had a one-night stand with last week was standing on the other side, looking confused. He now genuinely believes that I am stalking him. FML

by YouWish / 08/24/2016 at 11:57pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Welshite's comment : Next you'll be checking your lipstick in the reflection of his car window. And using his bathroom mirror to check if you have spinach in your teeth. And practicing your smile in the dull reflection of his dead empty eyes for your next one night stand.

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Today, they opened a new firing range behind my housing block. No big deal, except they are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. FML

by ItnHmn / 09/16/2016 at 3:58pm / United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took my wife to a country concert for her birthday, even though I can't stand country. While she had the time of her life, I was punched twice, had a beer dropped on me, and had a rather large, drunk woman fall on me. Happy birthday, baby. FML

by Senseless_487 / 09/16/2016 at 2:29pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

xxUnknown's comment : Anything to make the wife happy. You're a good husband (based on this post). The world needs more of you.

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Today, I got a call from my employers wanting to ask why I had a no call, no show for today. My supervisor reported me for not showing up to work. It's my day off, and also my birthday. FML

by polkadotpinup / 09/16/2016 at 1:22pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I got a brand new down comforter and duvet cover that I really liked. I'd finally managed to put everything the way I wanted it, and then my roommate's dog came and peed all over my bed. FML

by anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 10:33pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I need a new mattress. Last night, I slept on the floor. It was the best sleep I've had in a while. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 8:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

by crazycatlady / 08/24/2016 at 5:43am / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I found out that one of my colleagues believes that aliens built the pyramids. No amount of logical reasoning or evidence has had any effect on his argument of, "but you can't prove they didn't." FML

by Anonymous / 08/22/2016 at 7:49am / Australia / Work

Today, it was another stressful day of watching servicemen at my job trying to figure out what broke an extremely expensive and essential machine. I'm just waiting for the day they finally discover the earring I dropped into it about a week ago FML

by Girl w/ the Pearl Earring / 08/22/2016 at 7:46am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I bought stamps to send a letter. For some unknown reason, instead of putting the stamp on the letter, I posted the letter and the stamp booklet into the postbox. FML

by Blamethepostman / 09/16/2016 at 11:10am / Money

Today, it's my birthday and I'd invited quite a lot of my friends to come round and have some fun. When I got home, I saw a few cars outside. It turned out to be for the neighbours. I waited and waited; none of my friends showed up. FML

by Callum536 / 08/22/2016 at 5:51am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous